Also ich habe einen Buch angefangen zu schreiben und habe vor das als erstes Kapitel zu nehmen: Ist english. ^^
TW: Su!z!d
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My mother died when I was four, and I was a part of the plan. She killed herself while I was playing with my dolls. Our maids had left for some minutes without any explanation. It was just me and her. I don't think she'd planned it all the way through. Who ends their life with a child sitting beside them?
She tied a rope to the wardrobe as I made tea for my dolls. I remember looking up and asking, “Are you making a swing, Mommy?”
She smiled, but not like she used to. It was strange and crooked, like it was borrowed. “Yes, darling. Mommy wants to swing a bit. Don’t tell Daddy, yeah?”
I nodded, smiling wide. Me and Mommy had a secret now,our very own secret. I'd always wanted one, like other kids said they had with their moms. I never imagined it would be this.
She pulled a chair into place and turned to me. “When Mommy swings, I want you to take the chair away, okay baby? That’s how my swing works.”
I hesitated. Something about it felt wrong. But she was smiling and I loved her, so I nodded again. Eager to please.
I did exactly what she asked. When she began to sway, I pulled the chair back. When her face turned strange, blue and bloated, I turned around like she'd told me to.
I thought I’d done something good.
The room was quiet until the door burst open. My father’s voice shattered everything. A gasp. Heavy footsteps. Then he turned me around fast, grabbing my shoulders, demanding to know what happened. He was shouting, and he was crying. Daddy never cried.
“Mommy told me not to tell,” I said proudly, like I’d done well. “It’s a secret.”
He stopped breathing for a moment, staring past me. I followed his eyes to Mommy, no longer swinging.
And then he slapped me.
My head snapped to the side. My cheek stung. I started crying. I didn’t understand. I had done what she told me to do. I had helped.
I ran to my mother. She was still there, hanging, her toes a few centimeters off the ground. I shook her gently. “Mom! Mom! Dad slapped me!”
But she didn’t wake up. She didn’t move. I didn’t understand what death was. I didn’t understand why he hit me.
Even now, I’m not sure if I deserved it.
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Wäre es so in ordnung? Würdet ihr sowas lesen?
Im Buch wird es halt um das Mädchen gehen und bla bla ihr Vater will einen Bodyguard für sie suchen bla bla. Ihr geht es mental natürlich bombastisch schrecklich. Bla bla. Am ende kommen die zsm oder so. Oder sie bringt sich um. Naja. Wäre es okay so zu starten?
