Englisch Text zu einem Cartoon?

Hallo, kann sich wer bitte meinen Text mal anschauen und mir ein Feedback bezüglich Fehler Aufbau Inhalt geben. Im Anhang habe ich auch das Lösungsblatt angefügt.

Dear readers,

in the following text I speak about the topic the role of sports among young people. The text based on the cartoon from pinterest. The role of sports in children‘s life has changed.

The cartoon shows two parts divided into the years 1998 and 2018. In the forderground of the part of 1998 can you see a mother, who stops a boy. Next to the boy is a ball. The mother pulls hin in the house against he will. The part two of year 2018 shows the mother with the boy too. But the mother pulls the boy out of the house against he will. The Boy is holding a game console in his hands. In both parts acts the mother vigorously to get him in and out of the house. Furthermore can you see in both parts, that the boy does not seem pleased to have to finish his activity.

I think the cartoonist is intended to show, that the young generation spend variously sporty activities in the past and today. In year 1988 the boy wants to spend his free time outside playing ball games. The boy in year 2018 wants to play games inside on his game console.

I agree with the cartoonist, because playing online games are very popular at present and are the new trend under young people. A lot of teenager spend a lot of time inside and playing game console. But this have for the young generation negative consequenses. I think playing online games are very bad for the Health of young generation. Because of, the people get not enough movement and this can lead for example to overwight. On the top the youngs start to meet gaming friends instead of their real friends. Through this the youngs lost the realitiy. An another big consequense is that the childrens could become a addict. So, the young generation get not even physical but also a mental health problem.

In summary I can say that the kind of doing sport are different in the past and now. Today, the role of sport for childrens focused in playing online games.

Answer 1

[AstridDerPu]

Hallo,

Dear readers,

in (RS = Rechtschreibung) the following text (Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) I speak about the topic the role of sports among young people (Anführungszeichen). The text (Hier fehlt ein Hilfsverb.) based on the cartoon from pinterest. The role of sports in children‘s life has changed.

The cartoon shows two parts divided into the years 1998 and 2018. In the forderground (RS; Wort) of the part of 1998 (Formulierung) (Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) can you (Satzstellung) see a mother, who stops a boy (ihren Sohn). Next to the boy (Hier fehlt ein Wort.) is a ball. The mother pulls hin (RS) in (Präposition) the house against he (Grammatik) will. (---) part two of year 2018 Formulierung) shows the (dieselbe?) mother with the (demselben?) boy (s. o.) too. But the mother pulls the boy out of the house against he (Grammatik) will. The Boy (RS) is holding a game (RS) console in his hands. In both parts (Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) acts the mother (Satzstellung) vigorously to get him in (Präposition) and out of the house. Furthermore (Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) can you (Satzstellung) see in both parts (kein Komma) that the boy does not seem pleased to have to (Ausdruck) finish his activity.

I think the cartoonist is intended to (Ausdruck) show (kein Komma) that the young generation spend (Grammatik) variously (Grammatik) sporty (RS) activities in the past and today. – Der Satz ergibt nicht wirklich Sinn.

In (---) 1988 (Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) the boy wants to spend his free time outside playing ball games. The boy in (---) 2018 wants to play games inside on his game (s.o.) console.

I agree with the cartoonist, because playing online games are (Grammatik: bezieht sich nicht auf games, sondern auf „playing“) very popular at present and are (Grammatik) the new trend under (Wort) young people. A lot of teenager (Grammatik) spend a lot of (Wiederholung) time inside and playing (Grammatik) game (s. o.)  console.

But this have (Grammatik) for the young generation negative consequenses. - Satzstellung

I think playing online games are (Grammatik) very bad for the Health (RS) of (Hier fehlt ein Wort.) young generation. Because of, (Ausdruck) the people get not (Grammatik) enough movement and this can lead for example (in Kommata; Stellung) to overwight. On the top the youngs start to meet gaming friends instead of their real friends. Through this the youngs (Wort) lost (Grammatik) the (Wort) realitiy. (---) another big consequense is that the childrens (Grammatik) could become a addict (Grammatik). So, the young generation get not (Grammatik) even (Wort) physical but also (---) mental health problems.

In summary (Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) I can say that

the kind (Grammatik) of (---) sport (Hier fehlt etwas.) are (Zeit) different in the past and (Wort) now. -

Today, the role of sport for childrens (Grammatik) (Hier fehlt ein Hilfsverb.) focused in (Präposition) playing online games.

Adverbien, die am Satzanfang stehen können, sind z.B.:

•Firstly •Initially •Certainly •Therefore •Contrarily •However •Furthermore •Moreover •Additionally •Finally •Eventually •Lastly •Fortunately •Perhaps •Luckily •Briefly •Honestly •Personally •Understandably •Obviously •Apparently •Of course •Yesterday •Sometimes

(Ich würde hier ein Komma setzen.) Adverbien und adverbiale Bestimmung etc. können am Satzanfang stehen. Dort werden sie meist mittels Komma vom Rest des Textes abgetrennt.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert, das Kursivgedruckte überdacht werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

:-) AstridDerPu