English Korektur?

Hallo könnt ihr mal schauen ob Fehler enthalten sind. Hat wer verbessungsideen?

welche Note würdet ihr geben (Gymnasium 11 Klasse)

In the following text, I give you an insight into myself and my free time activities: 

First, I want to introduce myself. My name is __ I’m currently eighteen years old. I was born on March 16, 2004, in the hospital of __. Since my birth, I live in a small district of ___, called __. I live there with my fatherand my sister, who is one year younger than me. She looks like me and we have an excellent relationship. Furthermore, I have an older brother who lives in __ with her wife and my niece. Before I went to ___ school, I was at the secondary school in ___ and completed my secondary school certificate there. Now I tell you more about my character. I am a friendly person who can empathize well with others. Additionally, my family and friends particularly appreciate my sense of responsibility because they can always rely on me. On the top of  that, I am also an organizational talent. My daily routine, for example, is very structured because I write to-do lists in order to keep an overview of everything. Last but not least, my creative side is one of my greatest strengths, which reflects who I am. This is a good point to redirect to my hobbies, because being creative takes up a lot of my free time, especially drawing and designing. This hobby relaxes me and makes me fun at the same time. Moreover, I love shopping, particularly in online shops. I spend a lot of time on the internet to buy clothes, which I like, but it makes me a little poor too. Another free time activity of me is reading books. My favourite genre of books is thrillers. I like this genre, because the tension doesn't get lost and such the interest in reading keeps maintained until the end. At the moment I read the book Layla from Colleen Hover and so far, I like it. 

In short, I am a responsible and efficient person with a variety of interests and creative talents.