Grammatikalische/Inhaltliche Korrektur?
Hallo^^ Könnte sich vielleicht jemand die Zeit nehmen, und meinen Letter of Intent korrekturlesen in beider grammatikalischer und inhaltlicher Hinsicht? Das wäre super nett!!
LETTER OF INTENT
Dear Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine Admissions Comittee:
Thank you very much for considering me as a potential student at the Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine and Pharmacy Cluj-Napoca. My name is ... and I’m hereby applying for a place at this very prestigious university.
My interest for human medicine came into being by watching my father work. He owns a quite big and successful general practitioner’s office and currently operates six physicians beside him. When I was younger I helped out the medical assistants for a short period of time during my holidays, doing some computer work to oppose the regular rush of patients. When I had nothing to do, I’d watch my father treat the patients and ever since then I’ve been eager to do the same. To learn about the human body, how it works, how illnesses of every kind develop and originate, and how to treat them. How to help people convalesce and free them as much as possible from their burdens. I’ve worked in the nursing sector a few times by now, trying to live out that passion already. Last year, I was part of the Maltese pilgrimage to Lourdes twice, and took care of the sick and old people to let them have an emotional and rare experience. This involved nursing duties like washing and bathing, dressing, feeding, giving medicine, pushing wheelchairs etc. Next month, from April to May, I am going to volunteer at a hospital in Kerala (India), where I hope to gather as much practical experience as possible to help and prepare me with my medical studies.
I came across the Iuliu Haţieganu University through my cousin. Just last year, my cousin graduated successfully at this university in Romania, and he’s really recommended it to me. Not only were the people and the location quite nice, especially the study system very much spoke to him and let him start working as an assistant doctor with a good basis. I’ve researched the Iuliu Haţieganu University a lot, discussed many aspects about it with my cousin, and have come to the conclusion that this university would be the best for me to apply and graduate at. This is because of the exceptional and professional staff, the individualized, high-quality education and many verbal recommendations I’ve received. By graduating at the Iuliu Haţieganu University I hope to complete the first step to make a career as a doctor, either at the hospital or as a general practitioner afterwards. I’m not setting that in stone yet so I can make different experiences in several sections of human medicine and decide at the end where I enjoy to work the most and in which field I’d be the best enrichment for everyone, especially the patients. In case of admission, which I really hope because this university is my top choice, I’d immediately accept. I want to actively contribute to the university with my purposeful studying and successful graduation, helping the people around me while studying with mental support and of course later on as a doctor on furthermore a health-wise basis. I wouldn’t have any problem looking for a room to stay and making first personal aquaintances due to my cousin’s knowledge and connections and am eager to make Cluj-Napoca my home.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration, I’m hopeful for the chance to be admitted, and, in this case, to simultanously benefit from the Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine incoming class of 2024 and contribute to it as well.
Yours sincerely,
2 Antworten
Dear Distinguished Members of the Admissions Committee,
I extend my utmost gratitude for the invaluable opportunity to present my candidacy for admission to the esteemed Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine and Pharmacy Cluj-Napoca.
Permit me to introduce myself. My name is ..., and it is with unwavering enthusiasm that I submit my application to your revered institution. My journey toward a career in medicine finds its genesis in the profound influence of my father, a dedicated general practitioner. Witnessing his unwavering commitment to patient care ignited within me a fervent desire to delve deeper into the intricacies of human medicine. During my formative years, I eagerly immersed myself in his clinic environment, assuming administrative responsibilities while observing patient interactions with rapt attention. These experiences kindled a passion within me to comprehend the complexities of the human body, the nuances of disease development and treatment, and the transformative potential of medical intervention.
My journey has been further enriched by immersive volunteer experiences within the nursing sector and participation in meaningful initiatives such as the Maltese pilgrimage to Lourdes. These endeavors afforded me the privilege of providing compassionate care to the sick and elderly, reinforcing my aspiration to pursue a career dedicated to healing and alleviating suffering. Additionally, I eagerly anticipate an imminent volunteer placement at a hospital in Kerala, India, where I aim to broaden my practical skill set and deepen my understanding of global healthcare practices.
My interest in Iuliu Haţieganu University was piqued by the resounding endorsement of my cousin, a recent graduate of your esteemed institution. His testimonies regarding the unparalleled caliber of faculty, personalized educational approach, and promising career prospects resonated deeply with me. Following extensive research and insightful discussions with him, I am unequivocally convinced that Iuliu Haţieganu University offers an environment conducive to the realization of my professional aspirations. I am eager to follow in his footsteps and contribute meaningfully to the vibrant academic community that your university fosters.
Upon graduation, my objective is to embark on a fulfilling career as a compassionate and proficient physician. Whether within a hospital setting or as a general practitioner, I am steadfastly committed to making a substantive impact on the lives of my patients. I am open to exploring diverse medical specialties and ardently embrace the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead.
In conclusion, I am profoundly honored to be considered for admission to Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine and Pharmacy Cluj-Napoca. Should I be privileged with the opportunity to join your esteemed institution, I pledge to wholeheartedly immerse myself in its academic rigor and community ethos. Thank you for considering my application, and I eagerly anticipate the prospect of contributing to the incoming class of 2024.
Yours sincerely,
[Your Name]
Hallo,
nach meinem Dafürhalten ist der Letter of Intent viel zu lang. Deshalb von hier nur:
- Lasse die Kurzformen (I'm, I've usw.) weg und schreibe in Langform (I am, I have usw.).
- Korrigiere das Fettgedruckte: My interest for (Präposition) ... operates (Wort)
um nur mal zwei Aspekte zu nennen.
Dein Schreiben ist verständlich, enthält aber den ein oder anderen weiteren Fehler. Für ein wirklich professionelles Schreiben würde ich an deiner Stelle ein wenig Geld in die Hand nehmen und mich an einen professionellen Übersetzer wenden.
AstridDerPu
das ist nur fast eine Seite, und gefordert sind ein bis zwei, das müsste also passen... danke für die Anmerkungen schon mal
Vielen vielen Dank für die Mühe! Das klingt auf jeden Fall viel professionally, ich werde es auch gleich durcharbeiten!