[Englisch] Rückmeldung/Korrektur meines Textes?
Guten Mittag,
ich habe diesen englischen Text zu der folgenden Aufgabe (siehe Bilder) geschrieben und würde mich sehr freuen, wenn ihr mir eine Rückmeldung/Korrektur über meinen geschriebenen Text geben könntet (Verbesserungsvorschläge und die Verbesserung von falsch genutzter Grammatik mit Erklärungen,…).
„Bottles for Live“ - The most ecological way to earn some extra money
Concept of the project
The concept of the project „Bottles for Life“ is to make the country cleaner with the help of the residents of Indonesia. Everyone can collect plastic and after that, the plastic will be shredded and filled into a plastic bottle. These bottles will be used as ecological bricks to build whole new houses or even villages.
To motivate the residents, Indonesia pays 0,29 € per with plastic filled bottle to the people.
Goals of the project
One big goal of the project is to become a cleaner and worth living country to protect the health of residents and animals. Moreover it should lead to attract more ecological-minded tourists because of the ecological projects. This will lead to more revenues due to the spendings of the tourists and will make more projects possible.
Qualities that the volunteers should have
The volunteers should be motivated and environmentally conscious. Moreover, it is important to be physically fit due to the hot temperture in Indonesia.
The opportunity to work as an ecological-minded tourist
Furthermore, there is an interesting opportunity to work voluntarily as an ecological-minded tourist.
Indonesia has build a new hotel to give the voluntarily workers from other countries a free accommodation. By using the free accommodation you will receive 0,19 € instead of 0,29 € per with plastic filled bottle.
If you plan to stay longer than a month Indonesia will give you back up to 200 euros for travel expenses. The accommodation includes a huge spa area to relax after your working day. Additionally, you will receive healthy and fresh cooked meals every day.
Are you interested?
We would really appreciate it if you would become part of the project.
This would help Indonesia to make the country cleaner and worth living.
Contact details
If you are interested you can send us your contact details to the email adress bottlesforlive@indonesia.com.
1 Antwort
Hallo,
es sind eine Reihe verschiedenster Fehler enthalten - z. B. live / life, Punkt und Komma in englischen Zahlen, Zeitenfolge in den if-Sätzen, Artikel vor accommodation, Formulierungen - um nur einige zu nennen.
Es gibt keine 1-zu-1 Übersetzungen, deshalb löse dich von deutschen Formulierungen, wie per with plastic filled bottle.
Für eine Korrektur wirst du dir aber schon die Mühe machen müssen, den Text hier reinzuhacken. So ist eine Korrektur viel zu mühsam und aufwändig!
AstridDerPu
PS: Darf ich fragen in welche Klasse du gehst? Realschule oder Gymnasium?
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Ergänzung:
„Bottles for Live (RS = Rechtschreibung) “ - The most ecological way to earn some extra money
Concept of the project
The concept of the project „Bottles for Life“ is to make the country cleaner with the help of the residents of (Wiederholung) Indonesia. Everyone can collect plastic and after that, the plastic will be (Grammatik) shredded and filled into a plastic bottle (besser: Plural). These bottles will be (s.o.) used as ecological bricks to build (---) new houses or even villages.
To motivate the residents, Indonesia pays 0,29 (RS) € per (---) plastic(-)filled bottle to the people.
Goals of the project
One big goal of the project is to become a cleaner and worth living (Formulierung) country to protect the health of residents and animals. Moreover (Komma) it should lead to attract more ecological-minded tourists because of the ecological projects. This will lead to more (Wort) revenues due to the spendings (Grammatik) of the tourists and will make more projects possible.
Qualities (---) the volunteers should have
The volunteers should be motivated and environmentally conscious. Moreover, it is important to be physically fit due to (Formulierung) the hot temperture (RS) in Indonesia.
The opportunity to work as an ecological-minded tourist
Furthermore, there is an interesting opportunity to work voluntarily as an ecological-minded tourist.
Indonesia has build (RS, Grammatik) a new hotel to give (---) voluntarily (Grammatik) workers from other countries (---) free accommodation. By (Wort) using (---) free accommodation you will receive 0,19 (s.o.) € instead of 0,29 (s.o.) € per (---) plastic filled bottle.
If you plan to stay longer than a month (Komma) Indonesia will give you back up to 200 euros for travel expenses. (---) Accommodation includes a huge spa area to relax after your working day. Additionally, you will receive healthy and fresh (Grammatik) cooked meals every day.
Are you interested?
We would really appreciate it if you would (Grammatik) become part of the project. (https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/appreciate?q=appreciate)
This would help Indonesia to make the country cleaner and worth living (Formulierung).
Contact details
If you are interested (Komma) you can send us your contact details to the email adress (RS)
- Schlussformel fehlt
- Zuviele Wiederholungen - sowohl Vokabular als auch inhaltlich
- Vielleicht hilft folgender Link: https://observers.france24.com/en/20170608-plastic-bottles-become-building-bricks-philippines-hostel-stuffitchallenge
Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert, das Kursivgedruckte überdacht werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.
Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,
für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!
:-) AstridDerPu
Ich mache derzeit mein Abitur und schreibe nächsten Monat die Abschlussprüfungen. Den Text habe ich soeben in getippter Form der Frage als Ergänzung beigefügt.