Hab ich Mediation über "American Dream" richtig gemacht?

Hallöchen,

ich brauch unbedingt Hilfe, und zwar musste ich eine Mediation vom deutschen ins englischen schreiben, über diesen Artikel:

http://www.zeit.de/2012/43/Amerikanischer-Traum-Reportage-USA

Die Mediation soll eine Rede vor amerikanischen Studenten sein. Bei einer Mediation muss man ja auch "verharmlosen" und ich weiß nicht so Recht ob ich das richtig gemacht habe und ob ich allgemein alles beachtet habe was man bei einer mediation beachten soll...ich wäre auch sehr dankbar darüber wenn auch auf grammatikalische Fehler hingewiesen wird!! :D Ich bin für jede Hilfe sehr dankbar :D Vielen vielen Dank schon mal :)))

Dear fellow students, I want to talk about the American Dream and wheter the American Dream is still alive. For my presentation I used the articel "Dream America" by Carolin Emcke, which is published on the 24th of october 2012 in "Die Zeit", a well-regarded German news-paper.

The Americans believe, that everyone can reach something on his own. This belief exists for a long time and because of that, it seems like the American Dream exists from the beginning of the world. The idea behind the American Dream is, that everyone, no matter which origins, religion, have the same opportunity to achieve success. This is why the United States called "the country with unlimited opportunities". But nowhere you can find the inventor of the American Dream. In the Charta from 1176, where the Americans declared themselves indepentent of Britain, you can find the terms freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But the term "American Dream" is not named. The first one, who defined the American identity as a dream, was John Truslow Adams. He wrote a book, in which he gives people hope for achieving success, if they work hard. He defines the American Dream not only as a material success. The American Dream includes also the acceptance in the society and self-awarness. But will the American Dream survive the financial crisis? And do the unemployed still stand fast the American Dream? Or is the American Dream just a dream? Adams writes in his book, that the Americans achieved the American Dream with the Westward Movement, with the independence of the Americans and with hard work. There are still Americans, who believes the formula: "from rags to riches." Thank you for listining.

Answer 1

[AstridDerPu]

Dear fellow students,

I want to talk (besser: would like to) about the American Dream and wheter the American Dream is still alive. For my presentation Komma I used the articel "Dream America" by Carolin Emcke, which is published on the 24th of october 2012 in "Die Zeit", a well-regarded German news-paper. (Ort vor Zeit)

The Americans believe kein Komma that everyone can reach something on his own. This belief exists (Zeit) for a long time and because of that, it seems like the American Dream exists (Zeit) from the beginning of the world. The idea behind the American Dream is kein Komma that everyone, no matter which origins, religion, have the same opportunity to achieve success. This is why the United States Hier fehlt etwas. called "the country with unlimited opportunities".

But nowhere you can find the inventor of the American Dream. (Satzstellung)

In the Charta from 1176, where the Americans declared themselves indepentent of Britain, you can find the terms freedom, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But the term "American Dream" is not named. The first (---) who defined the American identity as a dream kein Komma was John Truslow Adams. He wrote a book, in which he gives people hope for achieving success, if they work hard. He defines the American Dream not only as (---) material success. The American Dream includes also (Position) (---) acceptance in (---) society and self-awarness. But will the American Dream survive the financial crisis? And do the unemployed still stand fast Hier fehlt etwas. the American Dream? Or is the American Dream just a dream? Adams writes in his book kein Komma that the Americans achieved the American Dream with the Westward Movement, with the independence of the Americans and with hard work. There are still Americans kein Komma who believes (Grammatik; außerdem fehlt eine Präposition) the formula: "from rags to riches." 

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

:-) AstridDerPu

Comments

[AstridDerPu]

Schön, dass dir meine Antwort gefallen hat und danke für das Sternchen!

AstridDerPu

Answer 2

[DocShamac]

Die Unabhängkeitserklärung war im Jahr 1776, nicht 1176.

Das hast du schon ganz gut verfasst. Inhaltlich möchte ich mich nicht näher mit Korrekturen oder Vorschlägen beschäftigen, da ich selbst noch keine "Mediation" gemacht habe und es ja auch anscheinend deine Hausaufgabe ist. Ich habe jetzt mal nur Kommata korrigiert und kleinere Schreibfehler:

Dear fellow students, I want to talk about the American Dream and whether the American Dream is still alive. For my presentation I used the article "Dream America" by Carolin Emcke, which was published on 24th of october 2012 in "Die Zeit", a well-regarded German newspaper.

The Americans believe that everyone can reach something on his own. This belief exists for a long time and because of that, it seems like the American Dream exists from the beginning of the world. The idea behind the American Dream is that everyone, no matter which origins or religion, have the same opportunity to achieve success. This is why the United States is called "the country with unlimited opportunities". But nowhere you can find the inventor of the American Dream. In the Charta from 1776, where the Americans declared themselves independent from Britain, you can find the terms freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But the term "American Dream" is not named. The first one who defined the American identity as a dream, was John Truslow Adams. He wrote a book in which he gives people hope for achieving success if they work hard. He defines the American Dream not only as a material success. The American Dream includes also the acceptance in the society and self-awarness. But will the American Dream survive the financial crisis? And do the unemployed still stand fast the American Dream? Or is the American Dream just a dream? Adams writes in his book that the Americans achieved the American Dream with the Westward Movement, with the independence of the Americans and with hard work. There are still Americans who believe the formula: "from rags to riches." Thank you for listening.

Zwei oder drei Korrekturen an Worten. Einiges an Kommata. Was du über die Kommasetzung lernen kannst:

* Vor "who" oder "that" usw. kommt selten ein Komma.

* Bei Aufzählungen ab drei Dingen kommt vor dem "and" oder "or" ein Komma, im Gegensatz zum Deutschen.

Answer 3

[Efkey96]

Also wir haben in der Oberstufe etwas ganz anderes über Mediation gelernt.

Du schreibst den Text ja so als würde es deine Meinung wiederspiegeln. In einer Mediation geht es darum das Gesagte einer anderen Person für jemandem der dieser Sprache nicht mächtig ist verständlich zu machen.

Also muss du immer klarmachen, dass das nicht deine Meinung widerspiegelt.Beginne also deine Sätze am besten mit: "The author claims..", "Carolin Emcke points out..." oder "Emcke contends..." etc.

So haben wir das zumindest beigebracht bekommen, kann ja sein, dass ihr das anders handhabt.

Noch etwas als Tipp: vor "that" und anderen Relativpronomen wird NIE ein Komma gesetzt. Das ist einer der häufigsten Fehler, da man das instinktiv aus dem Deutschen übernimmt. Im Englischen ist das halt nicht so...

Und es heisst nicht "the country with unlimited opportunities" sondern "of" ;)

Hoffe ich konnte dir ein wenig weiter helfen.

Gruß Flo :)