Englisch?
Hallo, könnte sich jemand bitte meinen Text anschauen (vor allem Grammatik). Vorab will ich sagen, dass es um einen Tag in einem Bildungszentrum geht.
When we arrived there on the second day, we had to go to our maintenance groups immediately. On that day, there was another specialist, so we had to introduce ourselves to her. After introducing, we got two sheets of paper. On the first one, there was only an eye and on the second one, there was a whole face. She said we had to paint makeup on both the eye and the face. In my opinion, my pictures were very ugly and it was very difficult for me because I can‘t draw well and I have never worn makeup before. After that, we grabbed our hairdressing heads which still had curlers in their hair and we had to remove them. They needed to be left in their hair overnight so that a volume winding would form. Luckily, it worked! Then we had to create our own hairstyle on our hairdressing head. The specialist said my hairstyle was pretty good. Then we could style and wash each other‘s hair again and X wanted to try volume winding again as it didn‘t work on the previous day. On that day, it definitely worked better but she had to dry her hair with a hair dryer for about one hour because her hair was still too wet to remove the curlers from her hair. I was so sorry for her. Finally, she did it after one hour and her hair looked gorgeous, so in my opinion it was worth it. In the last 50 minutes, we could wear makeup but of course I didn‘t want, so I observed my classmates again. On the one hand, I think I could work as a hairdresser in future because it‘s interesting what customers tell you while I‘m styling their hair and it‘s also interesting to try out different hairstyles but on the other hand, this job doesn‘t match to me because I‘m scared of doing mistakes because for example I could cut off a customer‘s hair and I don‘t want to touch stranger‘s hair.
3 Antworten
Hallo,
habe jetzt auch deinen zweiten Text durchgesehen. Du solltest wirklich auf das Wort "volume winding" verzichten, wenn du dir nicht absolut sicher bist, dass es dieses Wort in dem Zusammenhang des Frisierens gibt!
(When we arrived there on – kannst du weglassen) the second day, we had to go to our
maintenance groups
departments immediately. On that day, there was another specialist, so we had to introduce ourselves to her. After introducing ourselves, we got two sheets of paper. On the first one, there was only an eye and on the second one, there was a whole face. The specialist (so muss man nicht lange überlegen, auf wen sich „she” bezieht) said we had to (oder: told us to) paint makeup on both the eye and the face. In my opinion, my pictures were quite (um doppeltes „very” im selben Satz zu vermeiden) ugly, and it was very difficult for me because I can‘t draw well and I had never worn makeup before (oder: and I never put on makeup).
After that, we grabbed our hairdressing heads, which still had curlers in their hair and we had to remove them. The curlers (bei „they” ist der Bezug nicht ganz klar) needed to be left in the hair overnight so that a volume winding would form (bei dem Begriff bin ich mir immer noch unsicher, wenn du den Begriff googelst, erhältst du nur irgendwelche Seiten zu Maschinen ...Mein Vorschlag: so the hair would gain more texture). Luckily, it worked out well! Then we had to create our own hairstyle on our hairstyling heads. The specialist said my hairstyle was pretty good.
Then we could style and wash each other‘s hair again and X wanted to try
volume winding
out the curlers again as it didn‘t work on the previous day. On that day, it definitely worked better, but she had to dry her hair with a hair dryer for about one hour because her hair was still too wet to remove the curlers
from her hair
. I was so sorry for her.
Finally, she did it after one hour and
When she could finally take out the curlers, her hair looked gorgeous, so in my opinion it was worth it.
In the last 50 minutes, we could wear makeup but of course I didn‘t want to, so I observed my classmates again.
On the one hand, I think I could work as a hairdresser in the future because it‘s interesting what customers tell you while you’re styling their hair and it‘s also interesting to try out different hairstyles. On the other hand, this job doesn‘t
match
appeal to me because I‘m scared of making mistakes like cuting off too much from a customer‘s hair. But above all (= Aber vor allem), I don‘t want to touch strangers’ hair.
LG
Hallo,
When we arrived there (Wo?) on the second day, we...
Ich persönlich würde zwar einiges anders formulieren, aber es soll ja dein Text bleiben.
... it didn‘t work (Grammar) on the previous day. On that day, it definitely worked better but she (Wer?) had to dry her hair with a hair dryer for about one hour because her hair was still too wet to remove the curlers (from her hair; unnötig). I was so sorry for her. Finally, she did it after one hour (Meine Option: After one hour, she finally did it) and her hair looked gorgeous (neuer Satz), so in my opinion it was worth it. In the last 50 minutes, we could wear makeup but of course I didn‘t want (Hier fehlt etwas.), so I observed (Wort) my classmates again. On the one hand, I think I could work as a hairdresser in future because it‘s interesting what customers tell you/me while you are/I am styling their hair and it‘s also interesting to try out different hairstyles but on the other hand, this job doesn‘t match to me (Ausdruck) because I‘m scared of doing mistakes (Grammatik) because (Komma) for example (Komma) I could cut off a customer‘s hair and I don‘t want to touch stranger‘s hair.
Wenn man niemandem die Haare abschneiden und die Haare von Fremden nicht anpassen will, ist Frisör von vornherein der falsche Beruf.
Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert, das Kursivgedruckte überdacht werden.
Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,
für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!
:-) AstridDerPu
Oder ist es hadn‘t worked, da es ja dann geklappt hat?
Die Zeit ist falsch. NeugierFuchs hat dir übrigens noch weitere Fehler gezeigt.
Genau, am Tag zuvor hatte es nicht geklappt = Past Perfect.
When we arrived there on the second day, we had to go to our maintenance groups immediately. On that day, there was another specialist, so we had to introduce ourselves to her. After introducing, we got two sheets of paper. (/Then she handed each of us two sheets of paper) On the first one, there was only an eye and on the second one, there was a whole face. She said we had to apply makeup on both the eye and the face. In my opinion, my pictures were very ugly and it was very difficult for me because I can‘t draw well and I had never worn makeup before. After that, we grabbed our hairdressing heads which still had curlers in their hair and we had to remove them. They needed to be left in their hair overnight so that a volume winding would form. Luckily, it worked! Then we had to create our own hairstyle on our hairdressing head. The specialist said my hairstyle was pretty good. Then we could style and wash each other‘s hair again and X wanted to try volume winding again as it didn‘t work on the previous day. This time, it definitely worked better but she had to dry her hair with a hair dryer for about one hour because (/as) her hair was still too wet to remove the curlers from her hair. I felt bad for her. Finally, she was finished after one hour and her hair looked gorgeous, so in my opinion it was worth it. In the last 50 minutes, we could wear makeup but I did not want to, so I observed my classmates again. On the one hand, I think I could work as a hairdresser in the future because it‘s interesting what customers tell you while you're styling their hair and it‘s also interesting to try out different hairstyles but on the other hand, this job doesn‘t fit me because I‘m (too) scared of making mistakes and I don't want to touch a stranger's hair.
Dankeschön! Was ist an didn‘t work falsch, also ganz am Anfang? Oder geht es darum, dass ich es ausschreiben hätte sollen?