Verbesserung zur summary vom ersten Kapitel von After the first death...
The first chapter of Robert Cormier's novel "After the first death" consists of a series of thoughts from a boy, named Benjamin. In the beginning he thinks about his injury, namely the path the bullet took. Then, he thinks about the visit of his father and then he tells about a conversation with his mother. They speak unimportant stuff and then he tells about Mr. Chatam, who is his math teacher and might have taught his father a generation ago. (Das bringt sie zu dem Thema über die Bennung des Berufes von Bens Vater, Mark). After Ben called his mother reprimands him because his father doesn't want to be called a general. Then, he starts to describe his life with picture postcards. The first one is Fort Delta. It's an ancient army post. It has something to do withthe bus and the bridge. An incient, which Ben often mentions, but never says what exactly has happened. The next picture postcard is his father. He thinks about his father's job. ben doesn't know (genaueres, obwohl inzwischen manches rausgefunden hat). he remembers the once, when he saw his father in uniform. It was a formal meeting. Ben felt both scared an excited, because his father (ließ ben an seiner Arbeit teilhaben). In the end of the chapter Ben thinks about the shortest horror story and then he thinks again about his father and how it will be (wie sein würd)
3 Antworten
vgl. AstridDerPu!. Am Anfang gefällt mir "a series of a boy's thoughts". Zudem ist das "He tells about a conversation" etwas, was Fans des BRITISCHEN Englisch wie die Pest hassen(im amerikanischen Englisch ist es normal). Briten würden sagen: speaks about..., und es wäre auch besser als das "tells".--- "They speak unimportant stuff" ist einfach nur Mist, du meinst wohl: "they talk about unimportant things".
Genau, dass mit a series of a boy's thoughts wollte ich auch - gleich beim ersten Durchlesen - korrigiert haben. Bei den ganzen Korrekturen habe ich dann aber doch drauf vergessen.
:-) AstridDerPu
Hallo,
The first chapter of Robert Cormier's novel "After the first death" consists of a series of thoughts from a boy, called Benjamin. In the beginning he thinks about his injury, namely the path the bullet took. Then, he thinks about the visit of his father and then he tells about a conversation with his mother. They speak unimportant stuff (Denglish)
and then he tells about Mr. Chatam, who is his math (= US; maths = UK)
teacher and might have taught his father a generation ago.
(Das bringt sie zu dem Thema über die Bennung des Berufes von Bens Vater, Mark).
After Ben called his mother reprimands him because his father doesn't want to be called a general.
Hier verstehe ich auf Deutsch gerade noch, was du sagen willst. Der englische Satz ist wirres Zeug.
Then, he starts to describe his life with picture postcards.
Wer, der Vater, der General, Ben beschreibt?
The first one is Fort Delta. Die 1. ist Fort Delta?
It's an ancient army post. It has something to do with the bus and the bridge. (welcher Bus, welche Brücke)
An incident(...) Ben often mentions, but never says what exactly has happened.
The next picture postcard is his father.
Die Postkarte ist sein Vater?
He thinks about his father's job. Ben doesn't know (genaueres, obwohl inzwischen manches rausgefunden hat).
He remembers that once, when he saw his father in uniform. It was a formal meeting. falsche Tenses und ziemlich wirr
Ben felt both scared and excited, because his father (ließ *Ben an seiner Arbeit teilhaben).***
At the end of the chapter, Ben thinks about the shortest (die kürzeste???)
horror story and then he thinks again about his father and how it will be (wie sein würde)
Wie würde was sein?
Jemand, der die Geschichte kennt, vermag dir vielleicht zu folgen, ich kann es aber nicht!
Inhaltlich verworren und häufig unverständlich. Zahlreiche Wortwiederholungen (then, think about), Grammatik und Rechtschreibfehler. Auch die deutschen Anmerkungen sind nicht wirklich klar.
Hier findest du linking words zum Verbinden von Sätzen und für Überleitungen:
http://www.eslflow.com/transitionalconnectingandlinkingwords.html
fett = meine Korrekturen, fett und kursiv = überarbeiten!
Mein Tipp: komplett neu schreiben!
:-) AstridDerPu
Habe noch MEHR Fehler gefunden, aber Du hast absolut Recht - dieses Werk ist kaum zu retten.
bitte sprache, inhalt, die deutschen teile verbessern und die "then", "think" mit ähnlichen wörten austauschen, damit es besser klingt... Danke !! :D