Verbesserung zur summary vom ersten Kapitel von After the first death...

3 Antworten

vgl. AstridDerPu!. Am Anfang gefällt mir "a series of a boy's thoughts". Zudem ist das "He tells about a conversation" etwas, was Fans des BRITISCHEN Englisch wie die Pest hassen(im amerikanischen Englisch ist es normal). Briten würden sagen: speaks about..., und es wäre auch besser als das "tells".--- "They speak unimportant stuff" ist einfach nur Mist, du meinst wohl: "they talk about unimportant things".

Genau, dass mit a series of a boy's thoughts wollte ich auch - gleich beim ersten Durchlesen - korrigiert haben. Bei den ganzen Korrekturen habe ich dann aber doch drauf vergessen.

:-) AstridDerPu

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bitte sprache, inhalt, die deutschen teile verbessern und die "then", "think" mit ähnlichen wörten austauschen, damit es besser klingt... Danke !! :D

Hallo,

The first chapter of Robert Cormier's novel "After the first death" consists of a series of thoughts from a boy, called Benjamin. In the beginning he thinks about his injury, namely the path the bullet took. Then, he thinks about the visit of his father and then he tells about a conversation with his mother. They speak unimportant stuff (Denglish)

and then he tells about Mr. Chatam, who is his math (= US; maths = UK)

teacher and might have taught his father a generation ago.

(Das bringt sie zu dem Thema über die Bennung des Berufes von Bens Vater, Mark).

After Ben called his mother reprimands him because his father doesn't want to be called a general.

Hier verstehe ich auf Deutsch gerade noch, was du sagen willst. Der englische Satz ist wirres Zeug.

Then, he starts to describe his life with picture postcards.

Wer, der Vater, der General, Ben beschreibt?

The first one is Fort Delta. Die 1. ist Fort Delta?

It's an ancient army post. It has something to do with the bus and the bridge. (welcher Bus, welche Brücke)

An incident(...) Ben often mentions, but never says what exactly has happened.

The next picture postcard is his father.

Die Postkarte ist sein Vater?

He thinks about his father's job. Ben doesn't know (genaueres, obwohl inzwischen manches rausgefunden hat).

He remembers that once, when he saw his father in uniform. It was a formal meeting. falsche Tenses und ziemlich wirr

Ben felt both scared and excited, because his father (ließ *Ben an seiner Arbeit teilhaben).***

At the end of the chapter, Ben thinks about the shortest (die kürzeste???)

horror story and then he thinks again about his father and how it will be (wie sein würde)

Wie würde was sein?

Jemand, der die Geschichte kennt, vermag dir vielleicht zu folgen, ich kann es aber nicht!

Inhaltlich verworren und häufig unverständlich. Zahlreiche Wortwiederholungen (then, think about), Grammatik und Rechtschreibfehler. Auch die deutschen Anmerkungen sind nicht wirklich klar.

Hier findest du linking words zum Verbinden von Sätzen und für Überleitungen:

http://www.eslflow.com/transitionalconnectingandlinkingwords.html

fett = meine Korrekturen, fett und kursiv = überarbeiten!

Mein Tipp: komplett neu schreiben!

:-) AstridDerPu

Habe noch MEHR Fehler gefunden, aber Du hast absolut Recht - dieses Werk ist kaum zu retten.

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Hat jemand Verbesserungsvorschläge für meine Englisch Charakterisierung?

hallo :)

ich schreibe nächste woche eine klausur in englisch - charkterisierung - und habe heute etwas zur übung aufgeschrieben. Hat jemand von euch vllt verbesserungsvorschläge zu meinem text?

In the following I'm going to charcterize Tommy, the protagonist of the story 'Bread on the water' by David Lubar, which deals with the topic of making a difference.

Tommy is a boy visiting the church with his parents, where he's sitting in the back with his best friend Andy. He isn't really interested in the sermon, he even sais things like 'we're doomed' about it, but when Andy starts to behave badly, he gets quite nervous, looks around if people aren't watching them and regrets to be sitting there. He's quite egoistic and not very matey with Andy, which becomes apparent when he insists on not having done anything towards Assistant Pastor John who banishes both of them from church. Even while leaving, he doesn't stop looking around if somebody has seen them. All that makes me think about his reasons for such a behaviour - is he just scared of getting in trouble with his parents or doesn't he want people to think badly about him?

But throughout the story, he changes. First, when a bum appears in front of him and Andy, he is disgusted. He is full of prejudices, thinks that all bums spend the money they get for alcohol and wants to tell the guy to leave them alone. When Andy decides to buy some food for him, Tommy even thinks about splitting. He also isn't very happy about having to pay for his food. But after some time spent with the man, he starts to think about him and his situation and feels really glad about having a loving family. He begins to talk to the bum and dares to look at him. And after Andy gave a big tip to a waitress which really wasn't friendly with them, he thinks about her working hard, too.

In my opinion, Tommy all together is first a very negative character, but throughout the story he improves. In the end he understands something very important - that there are people outside, who have a harder life than he and that he can help them. Symbollically, he throws a dollarbill out of the window, so someone who really needs it, can find it.

ich habe zeilenangaben und ähnliches weggelassen, bin offen für jegliche kritik und bitte darum ;) danke, wäre sehr nett

...zur Frage

Hilfeeee Englisch referat :)

hii :)

Nur soo im vorraus ich will nicht das mir jemand die hausübung macht oder soo...

also ich brauche hilfe wegen englisch...hab morgen ein referat über michael jackson....ich habe also einen text geschrieben und wollte fragen wie es soo mit der zeit aussieht...er ist jaa schon gestorben und ich will wissen soll ich jetzt z.b. schreiben

He had three children

oder

He has three children

und daa ist halt was ich bis jetzt habe...

I would like to tell you something about Michael Jackson. I have chosen to talk about him, because I didn’t really like him before but after he died I heard many things about him which are very interesting. Michael Jackson was a 50 year old man who died in the year of 2009. He was a singer and a dancer and because of his music, he was known also as the king of pop. The first time I heard about him was a lot of years ago because my older sister liked his music and I think the first song I heard was Michael Jackson has married two times the first time with the daughter of Elvis Presley and the second time with Deborah Jeanne Rote. He had three children.

bei fehler bitte auch ausbessern...dankee :)

...zur Frage

Was könnte ich bei dieser Charakterisierung verbessern?

The short story "The Big Race" by Toby Sweet is about a swimmer who feels pity for his opponent and lets him win. This characterization is about the narrator of the story. This boy is a fast swimmer and has to swim two lengths backstroke at Chester-le-Street, on that day. One of his opponents is Gordon Hayes. Before the race, the narrator notices Gordon talking with his father. He is very sceptical and feels that something wrong is going on. Out of curiosity he asks Gordon what the matter is. He gets the answer that Gordon's father will hit his son, if he doesn't win the race. After that, while he is warming up and planning his strategy, the narrator always has to think about that. He is worried and can't concentrate. During the race the boy decides to let Gordon win, because he wants to protect him from his father and feels sorry about that. His behavior is very generous, because he doesn't think about himself in this situation. Probably the shoutig of Mr. Hayes motivates him to do that. Also Gordon has been only a half of a body behind him. Maybe the narrator has thought that Gordon can manage it. At first the boy regrets that he only has come in second. He has doubts about his decision. Maybe the second place isn't enough for him. But he isn't the typical natural winner, because he doesn't have a problem to lose under the existing conditions. He is pleased to see that Gordons father is smiling and knows it has been worth it. He is sure that his decision is right!

...zur Frage

Ist meine Englisch Kapitelzusammenfassung The Pigman in Ordnung?

                           Summary: The Pigman
                                Chapter 7

John relates that he and Lorraine ran into Dennis and Norton on their way to Mr. Pignati's after school, and that, to avoid telling Dennis and Norton where they were going, they ended up drinking beer with them at Masterson's tomb, a secluded part of the local cemetery. At dinner, John argues with his father about his career goal of becoming an actor. John's father calls him a "jackass," and repeatedly tells John that he should work with him. John's father "has a seat on the Coffee Exchange," which means that he has a stressful job buying and selling large amounts of coffee on the world market. John and his father have an argument about John's desire to "be individualistic," and his lack of interest in a business career. When John and Lorraine finally get to Mr. Pignati's, it is evening, and John is struck by how happy he is to see them. John's parents, he reflects, have never been glad to see him. Mr. Pignati invites them to explore the house and make themselves at home. Lorraine finds a picture of a young girl in a confirmation dress, and Mr. Pignati tells them that it's a picture of his wife, Conchetta. Later, John finds a bill for Conchetta Pignati's funeral.

...zur Frage

Kann mir jemand dieses summary von "A message from the Pig-man" korrigieren?

habe eine summary zum text a message from the pig-man von john wain geschrieben, wäre nett wenn ihr eure meinung dazu äußern würdet und ggf fehler verbessern könntet oder zumindest sagen, wo sie sind :)

The story „A Message from the Pig-man“, written by John Wain, is about a 6-year old boy named Eric, which has many questions he would like to ask but is afraid to do so.

Eric is the son of newly divorced parents. He has no siblings and his mum has a new boyfriend named Donald. He has difficulty with the new circumstances and does not understand why his father had to leave just because Donald moved in. He also does‘nt mind sharing his room in order for his dad to have the spare room. He is afraid of the pig-man and avoids him. He imagines the pig-man as a man who looks like a pig. One day, his mother asks him to catch the pig-man to bring him the scarps. First he was afraid, but when he sees the pig-man he realizes that the pig-man is a normal person and finally understands that the people call him pig-man, because he has some pigs that he looks after. Eric is no longer afraid of asking questions. When he comes home, he asks his mother why his father can‘t stay with them but his mother does‘nt answer him. Now he thinks that grown-ups are very silly and he hates them all.

...zur Frage

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