Wie findet ihr diese Geschichte (Englisch)?

Ich habe diese Kurzgeschichte für den Englisch-Unterricht geschrieben. Das Thema müsst ihr nicht unbedingt beachten, aber ich würde gerne wissen, wie ihr es sprachlich findet und so.

He hadn't seen anything like it in twenty years of teaching. Mr. Smiths most quiet Student, Laramie broke his silence in the most unbelievable way possible. On a regular tuesday, in Mr Smiths math lesson, Out of nowhere, he started screaming like a maniac. Not words, but bloodcurdling, painful sounding screams. The chatter in the class was disrupted, everyone was silenced in a heartbeat. All eyes were on the siren in the room. After being stunned for a few seconds, Mr. Smith finally opened his mouth. "Laramie, what is wrong with you?! Stop screaming!" Laramie did the opposite. He got louder and louder, causing some students to hold their ears, a girl started crying. While this was happening, Laramie himself looked absolutely terrified. There was fear in his eyes, and tears started to dwell, like he wasnt doing it on purpose, like he was being controlled. Then, the screaming stopped. Laramie still looked a little confused, but relieved at the same time. Until it started. Laramie started shaking uncontrollably, it seemed like the whole classroom was rumbling. A lot of kids started screaming, some ran out of the room. Smoke started coming out of Laramies ears, while he was hopelessly screaming for help. Other Students hid under their desks, while Mr. Smith ran over to Laramie, trying to calm him. "Hey Laramie, whats wrong? Talk to me, do you need an Ambulance?" Then, the pulsating began. Laramies Body started bloating, and then deflating, really quickly, like someone starting to inflate a balloon, and then stopping. That seemed to be the final stage. A few seconds later, Laramie exploded. Blood and Flesh splattered everywhere, hitting the few students, that were not hiding under their desks, painting the walls red. To this Day, Nobody that was in the classroom that day can explain, what happened to Laramie. The Only thing that reminds of him, is the door to the classroom, that is now blocked with bricks, seperating the outside world from the room, where a boy exploded.

Answer 1

[AstridDerPu]

Hallo,

bitte überprüfe, deine Klein- und Großschreibung, deine Zeichensetzung, die Verwendung der Apostrophe (Genitiv, Kurzformen). Außerdem verwendest du viel zu häufig like.

Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

AstridDerPu