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Patricia Summary, grammatik, welche besser, hilfe?

Welches der Beiden wäre besser und wo wären die Grammatikalischen Fehler? Kann die mir bitte jemand korrigieren? Es ist einfach nur zur Übung für meine kommende Englischklausur.

The shortstory ‚Patricia’ written by Fraser Sutherland deals with two friends, where the boy has a crush on the girl, but never told it, until a spring dance in their school comes. He forces himself to ask her, to go with her to the dance and does it, but she declines his question and at the end, both go not to the dance and go different ways too.

The shortstory ‘Patricia’ written by Fraser Sutherland deals with two friends, where the boy has a crush on the girl, but never told it. In their school there goes a spring dance and the boy forces himself to ask her, to go with her to the dance, does it, but she just diclines his question and at the end, both of them, go not to the dance and go different ways too.

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Bildgeschichte auf Englisch (gut genug)?

Bitte Leute hilft mir das ich es perfekt habe weil ich leider Schwierigkeiten habe in Englisch,wär sehr lieb.

Also ich hab das jetzt so gemacht:

Last year Paul hod his birthday on the 20th of February. His parents gave him an elektro shark for his birthday. He was very happy about that, Paul was once in the sea with his electric shark played with it. Two women were   on the boat and saw the electric shark in the sea. The two women were terrified because they thaught it was a real shark. AIl the people have heard and the lifequard too. And they were all scared of it. The lifequard got the electric shark out of the sea and scolded PauI, Paul apologized to all the quests and de did not bring the elcectric shark to the sea because it looks so real.From then on it was forbidden to play the electric ageathe animals in the sea.

Man sollte ungefähr 10 bis 12 Sätze machen und ungefähr 100 Wörter haben und mann sollte es in Simple Past machen

Kann es so stimmen?

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Summary + Characterisation, korrektur, dringend?

Summery's: The shortstory ‚Patricia’ written by Fraser Sutherland deals with two friends, where the boy has a crush on the girl, but never told it, until a spring dance in their school comes. He forces himself to ask her, to go with her to the dance and does it, but she declines his question and at the end, both go not to the dance and go different ways too.

oder ..

The shortstory ‘Patricia’ written by Fraser Sutherland deals with two friends, where the boy has a crush on the girl, but never told it. In their school there goes a spring dance and the boy forces himself to ask her, to go with her to the dance, does it, but she just diclines his question and at the end, both of them, go not to the dance and go different ways too

was wirkt besser und richtiger, zumindest einigermaßen?

Characterisation The following text is a characterisation of the boy, one of the two main characters in the story ‘Patricia’.

The boy is a student around 16 or 17 years, how it could be assumed, because he is close to his final exams (l. 55) and his voice breaks and so ‘He [is] changing’(fg.l. 19). Furthermore the character seems to be very sporty and active, just look at the scene, where he stands in front of the mirror and ‘[looks] at himself’ and his muscles (fg.l.5) - what means, that he must be ambious too, because he worked hard, to get them. The boy could be characterized as really attentive, how the behavior shows it, related to Patricia (fg. l.7-19). ‘He [spend] an hour talking with her’ and ‘[think] a lot about asking her to go [with him]’, but he have not the guts to say directly, that he wants to go with her to the spring dance, what makes him not self-confident.

To sum it up, the boy is ambious as related to Particia, but calm, without selfconfidence, but (Mir fällt nicht ein, wie es genau zusammenfassen könnte :x)

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Könnte das jemand Korrektur lesen?

Ich bin nicht die Beste in englisch und sollt eben einen "plot" über the Pearl schreiben. es ist echt wichtig das der gut ist da ich sonst das Jahr nicht schaffe. Danke schon mal an alle die das lesen!

Kino sits around enjoying nature. Coyotito is stung by a scorpion. Then everyone in the village comes to help. Juana wants to go to the doctor, but the only doctor is a Spanish dude, and he is racist towards Indians. So the villagers think that if he won’t come to their houses, they’ll go to him. Juana and Kino take Coyotito to the doc’s house. The doctor refuses to do anything because they are poor. Kino gets pissed and punches the front gate of the doc’s house.

Kino and Juana go fishing. They find this big ass pearl. They are happy because the pearl is worth a lot of money, and they can get sell the pearl and have money to pay for stuff like Coyotito’s medical bills. Kino takes the pearl back to his village and everyone is jealous. Some dude tries to steal the pearl from Kino’s house. Then Kino goes to town to sell it but all the buyers are corrupt and pretend it’s not worth anything. Kino decides to go to the big city to sell it and is mugged (the thieves don’t get the pearl). Juana hates the pearl because all it has brought is bad things so she tries to throw it in the ocean. Kino gets mad and stops her and then gives her an ass-whooping. Then Kino is attacked by two dudes. Kino fights them off and kills one of the dudes.

Kino and Juana decide to escape because Kino is now a wanted man. Their house and all their stuff is burned, so they leave the village. Some people follow them to try and catch them. They escape to the mountains and realize that there are three people tailing them. They hide in a cave. Kino figures out the only way he’ll live is if he kills the people following him while they sleep. He goes to their "camp." Then Coyotito makes a noise and one of the dudes hears him, so he shoots into the cave. Kino attacks the men and kills all three. Then Kino goes into the cave and realizes that the guy shot his son. Then Kino and Juana go back to town, carrying the very dead Coyotito. He puts down Coyotito, and throws the pearl into the water because all it did was bring trouble.

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