Wie findet ihr meine selbstgeschriebene Characterization? (englisch)
Hallo wir schreiben morgen eine Klausur und dafür habe ich mir schon mal eine characterization geschrieben ....wie findet ihr sie und habt ihr evtl. noch Verbesserungsvorschläge?
Also :
In the text „XXX „ , written by XXX, it says that Gracey, who is an aboriginal poor girl is sentenced wrongly only because of her poorly appearance and her different culture.This shows us that many people have unworroted prejudices against people, who are from different cultures or financial backrounds. I think the manager (one of the characters in the text) is very confident and strictly because of her experience is described in l. 40 , where she has “swept black hair and a confident stance”. The fact that the is so strictly is reveiled, when she wants Gracey to leave the exclusive jewellery store. She reacts like this because she thinks that Gracey wants to steel something from the exclusive jewellerys. In fact I think the girl Gracey, who is trated unfairly by the manager is also very confident because of her behavior is described in l. 36, where she answers to the manager :”No,Im not going to move !”. And when her best girlfriend Angela, a rich white girl helps her, she is very disappointed of her protective reaction, wich is reveiled in l.52, where Graceyy says :” I don’t need you!”. So I think Angela is really protective and she wants only to help her, because she had already suspected something like this. The fact that she is so protective and nice is reveiled in l. 46 , where she says : “ She is with me “. All in all we can say that people with problems sometimes don’t want to have help from the others .
Freue mich über Antworten ;)
2 Antworten
Öhem, also ich hab nicht wirklich verstanden, was genau du da sagen willst.
Schreibfehler hat's noch einige drin, der schlimmste ist "reveiled" (richtig "revealed"). Ausserdem benutzt du oft Adverbien, wo eigentlich Adjektive hingehören (Bsp: "The fact that the is so strictly", wobei "the" auch irgendwie komisch ist)
Die ganzen "I think" würd ich auch weglassen, natürlich denkst du das; aber es sollte überzeugend geschrieben werden, damit man dir auch glaubt.
Wen charakterisierst du überhaupt? In der Regel macht man das ja nur mit einer Person aufs Mal, bei dir kommen aber ganz viele verschiedene vor.
kommt in solchen texten nicht eigentlich nur indirekte rede vor?
ja wir sollten alle menschen aus dem text karakterisieren