Ich habe in Englisch das Thema "Piercings" bekommen und wollte wissen ob dieser Text gut ist oder verbessert gehört.

6 Antworten

Vom Fragesteller als hilfreich ausgezeichnet

Ich würde das ganze noch mehr ausführen. Du hast gute Argumente, die du aber zu kurz zusammenfasst. Ausserdem solltest du noch ein paar positive Sachen über piercings schreiben, zum Beispiel, wie sehr die ein Ausdruck der eigenen Selbstdarstellung sind (im positiven Sinne) und wie sehr sie das Selbstwertgefühl stärken können. 

Ausserdem hast du noch ein paar Fehler. Piercings are a hot topic these days... their friends... some superiors dont like (boss ist umgangssprachlich)... your new colleagues... because of how you look like... if other people enjoy it...


Piercings are a hot topic (---) these days. Some (Hier fehlt etwas.) want to show rebellion other (Plural) want to imitate their friend (Plural). But no one thinks about the consequences there might be (Word Order; Grammatik). They just think about how (Wort) they look like and if they are cool. It’s quite dangerous to have a piercing, you couldget an infection (kein Komma) because of an unsterile needle (Plural). Later (Komma) when you want to work, you can’t (kein Komma) because some Bosses (RS) don’t like piercings or tattoos or your new colleges will (Wort) bully you (kein Komma) because (Hier fehlt etwas.) how (Wort) you look like. I don’t like piercings either, but if some people really enjoy themselves (Wort), I will accept their choice.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

Piercings are a major (Klingt besser) topic at these days. Some want to show rebellion, (but) other want to imitate their friend. But no one thinks about the consequences there might be. They just think about how they look like and if they are cool. It’s quite dangerous to have a piercing, because you could get an infection (ohne Komma) because of an unsterile needle. Later when you want to work, you may/might not be able to work, because some bosses (klein) don’t like piercings or tattoos, (Komma, damit es vom andere "or" unterschieden werden kann) or your new colleges will bully you because of your appearance. I don’t like piercings either, but if some people really enjoy wearing piercings, I (ohne will) accept their choice.

Pros and cons über online communication (comment)?

Hey, ich habe einen comment verfasst über online communication with modern technology, und wollte fragen ob Verbesserungsvorschläge bezüglich der Grammatik oder des Inhalts da sind. Danke.

Modern technology makes us possible to communicate where and when we want. Modern technology like smartphones and computers make it easier to communicate with persons that are not with us. We can set up a meeting with our friends or talk about the solution from the exercises via online communication. You can send messages where you want to. Personal meetings which can not take place because of the weather or other reasons can be replaced with online communication. When you are ill and you can't go to your job, you can just call your boss with your cell phone which make it easier for the company. Another example is, when your parents go to shopping and you forgot to tell them to buy your favourite meal, you can also just call them. And there are a lot of more examples for communication via modern technology to make our life easier and faster. But still there are also cons for using modern technology for communication. Persons who restrict to online communication will easier forget the face to face communication. Another point is, that we lose our handwriting skills because of online communication. We also get a worser grammar when we communicate online with shortcuts. Especially teenagers use shortcuts for example when they want to write “are” or “you” they only type the letters “r” and “u”, which is a not good for our grammar skills. My personal opinion about this is, that modern technologies were a good invention to communicate faster and easier with people all around the world. But we shouldn't forget the real communication, even if online communication is a cool thing.

...zur Frage

Englisch Text korriegieren

Hallo kann jemand folgenden Text korrigieren? Dankeschön Dear Ben Russell, I read your article “Credit cards to ration individuals' carbon use“, which is published in newspaper The Independent in July19,2006. First of all I want to say that I think it's very good that there are people like you who think about the environment and of course about the problems which are exist. The suggestion is that every body has a credit-card with Carbon Dioxide points and if someone travels, use electricity, gas or petrol with carbon rations they have to pay. There is a special amount of this points and if you need more than your personal cap you have to buy credits on the open market. On the other side if there are people who cut the pollution of the carbon they produce, they could sell their surplus. Mr Miliband also suggests that banning products like light bulbs or electrical appliances which waste power while on standby, have to forbid. Everyone have to make automatic payments of offset pollution. I think this credit cards are not a good idea, because there would be a discrimination, because on the one hand rich people wouldn't cut their consume because they have the money to buy this credits. The most of them wouldn't take care about the environment. On the other hand the poor people have to take care about their carbon use. They haven't got the money to buy new credits. The result would be that the poor people take care and the richer people don't take care. Now you can say that it's maybe not a completely good result but now there are a few people who take care. Better than no one. But what is if the poorer people have to use the car everyday because they have to drive to work. They have to pay that they are working. This wouldn't make work more attractive. The poorer people are disadvantaged. Another cause why this credit cards are not a good idea is that you can't control it. There would be a lot of situations where are disagreements. For example if people drive together to work. Now who have to pay with carbon for that? The driver or the other ones? Another fact is that you can't handle everything with money. Everyone has to pay that the environment become better. But money doesn't help. You can't stop the global warming with money. My idea is that there have to be recompenses for those people who do something against the environment problems. There have to be individual things, which make environment protection very attractive and also necessary. It's very important that everybody knows about the problems and the results if we go on like this. All in all I think it's very good that there are people who think about a solution and things that can be do to stop the global warming. Nevertheless I think the credit-cards and money wouldn't be a good solution

...zur Frage

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