Kennt ihr gute englische Witze?
Hallo, ich brauche einen englischen, ziemlich lustigen Witz, bitte ...
Vielleicht wisst ihr ja einen oder mehrere.
DANKE schon im Voraus.
6 Antworten
A Young Boyfriend's Gift
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note: "I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. "These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. "I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. "When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. "Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. "I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love. "P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
An alcoholic and his wife attend his company party. He drinks so much that he doesn’t rememeber anything about the party the next morning. The wife says: “Well, you did it this time.” He replied: “What do you mean?” She said: “You made an ass out of yourself in front of your boss.” “Piss on him!”, he retorted. “You did, and he fired you”, she slammed back. “Well f.ck him then!”, he replied. Calmly, she replied, “I did. You go back to work on Monday.”
An American man comes to a weaponshop and asks: “Hi..I’d like to buy a big gun to shoot some cans. What can you advise?” The guy at the counter replies: “What kind of cans, beer cans, coke cans, soup cans?” Then the man answers: “none of those, I’m going to shoot MexiCans, DominiCans, Puerto RiCans!”
When I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk: “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled?” To which she replied: “No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard!”
An Arizona Department of Safety Officer pulled over a pick-up truck owner for a faulty taillight. When the officer approached the driver, the man behind the wheel handed the officer his driver’s license, insurance card and a concealed weapon carry permit.
The officer took all the documents, looked them over and said. “Mr..Smith, I see you have a CCP. Do you have any weapons with you?” The driver replied, “Yes sir, I have a . 357 handgun in a hip holster, a .45 in the glove box and a .22 derringer in my boot.” The officer looked at the driver and asked, “Anything else?” “Yes sir, I have a Mossberg 500 12 gauge and an AR-15 behind the seat.”
The officer asked if the man was driving to or from a shooting range and the man said he wasn’t, so the officer bent over and looked into the driver’s face and said “Mr. Smith, you’re carrying quite a few guns. May I ask what you are afraid of?” Mr. Smith locked eyes with the officer and calmly answered: “Not a fucking thing!”
what is black white and red? a newspaper
what ist brown and sticky? a stick
A: drink the cola B:Hey this is my cola! A:No this was your cola.
Ich mag diesen Witz nicht.-.-
Die Frage ist zwar steinalt aber trotzdem ^^ What's the difference between peanut-butter and jam? You cannot peanut-butter your dick up someones ass. (Jam heist sowol marmelade als auch stopfen...)