Was sagt ihr zu diesem Song?

what she said when she left 🎀

[Verse 1]

I came home, the lights were off

The kettle cold, your coffee cup

Still standing there like it forgot

You wouldn’t be coming back

A note was taped to the kitchen wall

Folded twice like you thought that’d soften the fall

Said I never asked, never saw you at all

Funny how you never said that out loud

[Pre-Chorus]

I would’ve stayed, I would’ve changed

If I had known you felt that way

But silence sounds like everything’s okay

Until it breaks—

[Chorus]

So maybe I talk too loud

And maybe I missed the signs

But you looked at me like I was enough

You kissed me like I got it right

So don’t tell me now I made you feel small

When you never told me at all

Yeah, maybe I was blind

But you made me think I saw the light

[Verse 2]

I play our song on my guitar

Up on the roof where the stars still are

But they don’t shine the way they did

When you were here, and I was it

Your list of hurt, a silent scream

Each line a cut, a haunting dream

Like I was loving you all wrong

But how could I know, if you just smiled all along?

[Pre-Chorus 2]

I would’ve listened, I would’ve bent

If you had told me what you meant

But now the paper speaks instead

And it says—

[Chorus]

Maybe I talk too loud

And maybe I missed the signs

But you looked at me like I was enough

You kissed me like I got it right

So don’t tell me now I made you feel small

When you never told me at all

Yeah, maybe I was blind

But you made me think I saw the light

[Bridge] (mit Flüstern oder entferntem Telefonfilter)

"You never asked how I was."

"You made everything about you."

"You loved me in the way that hurt most."

– that’s what she said when she left

[Final Chorus]

Maybe I was selfish

Maybe I was wrong

But you looked me in the eyes and told me I was home

Now I’m screaming at the sky

Wishing you'd said goodbye

Not left me with a note

And the ghost of what you felt inside

[Outro – gebrochene Stimme]

And I still play that song

Even if I play it all alone

Your words still echo in my chest

But the roof is quiet…

except for the mess

(Stimme bricht, letzter Ton zieht sich… dann nur noch Schluchzen. Gitarre klingt langsam aus.)

Answer 1

[Edwards5726]

Ja, mach auf jeden Fall weiter :)

Nicht perfekt, hier und da ein paar Fehler, also grammatikalische Fehler, der Inhalt ist natürlich auch nichts Neues, eine Form von Liebeskummer, davon gibt es natürlich viele Lieder, aber dieses Thema spricht eben viele Menschen da draußen an. Ich finde aber einfach Mega nice, dass du schreibst!

Comments

[Tuni15]

Aww das ist echt nett danke! Oh und welche Fehler wären dir aufgefallen? Bin immer offen für Kritik

[Edwards5726]

@Tuni15

Weiß ich grad nicht mehr, beim durchlesen waren mir ein paar Stellen aufgefallen. Aber nichts Schlimmes. Dein Lied erinnert mich ein bisschen an das Lied „Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve“ von Taylor Swift. War das eine Inspiration für dich? :)

[Tuni15]

@Edwards5726

OMG jaaa liebe den song :D

Answer 2

[Butterritter]

Ich kenne mich nicht mit Musik aus, aber das ähnelt professionellen Lyrics. Sogar mit Regieanweisungen, nicht schlecht.

Comments

[Tuni15]

Danke probiere mich gerade aus :)

Answer 3

[Hermina916]

hey, falls der song von dir ist, ist das erstmal schon ziemlich cool 👍

ich denke, je nachdem wie man den Song singt und welche Instrumente man nimmt und Rhythmus und so könnte der sehr schön werden

Comments

[Tuni15]

Danke!