Ist dieser Englisch Text gut?
Wir müssen morgen für die Schule einen Englisch Text schreiben, und ich wollte einfach mal fragen, ob dieser Text gut ist. Es soll um eine Piraten Geschichte gehen, und weil mein English nicht das beste ist, wollte ich fragen, ob ich hier noch etwas ausbessern könnte ^-^
In the evening, when I want to go to the bed, I heard a very loud noise outside. I looked out off the window, but there was nothing. I go back to the bed, but the, suddenly I heard a new, louder noise outside. Suddenly, the windows was broken and they kidnapped me. I can't see where they go, because they blindfolding me. After a long time, some people are crying, I don’t know what happened, but suddenly the blindfold falls down and I could see something. I saw a attractive lady and also saw where I am. I was on a pirate ship. I was very afraid, because I don't know what they want from me, but suddenly I heard something like a sword fight. I really like adventures, but only in movies or something else, but not in real life. But the, I hear a beep. It gets louder an louder. Suddenly I woke up and found out, that all I saw was just a dream...
Danke schonmal im Vorraus ;D
5 Antworten
Hallo,
hier meine Korrektur:
In the evening, when I wanted to go to the bed, I heard a very loud noise outside. I looked out of the window, but there was nothing. I went back to bed, but then I suddenly heard a new, (even) louder noise outside. Suddenly (All of a sudden), the windows were / the window was broken and they kidnapped me. I wasn't able to see where they went (kein Komma) because they blindfolded me. After a long time, some people were crying, I didn’t know what happened, but suddenly the blindfold fell down and I was able to see something. I saw an attractive lady and also saw where I was. I was on board a pirate ship. I was very afraid (kein Komma) because I didn't know what they wanted from me, but suddenly I heard something like a sword fight. I really like adventures, but only in movies or something else, but not in real life. But then, I hear a beep. It got louder and louder. Suddenly I woke up and found out (kein Komma) that all I had seen was just a dream...
Du musst auf die Zeiten achten. Und solltest nicht so oft suddenly verwenden.
Einiges könnte man noch umschreiben, aber es soll ja dein Text bleiben.
Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.
:-) AstridDerPu
Schön, dass dir meine Antwort gefallen hat. Hoffentlich hat's geholfen.
Danke für das Sternchen!
:-) AstridDerPu
Also ich würde es nicht so radikal L3nkrad ausdrücken, aber du könntest noch einiges verbessern. Schau dir mal genau deine Past-Formen an, denn die sind fast alle falsch ! Welche Klasse bist du wenn ich fragen darf ?
Also einmal schreibst du in der Gegenwart und einmal in der Vergangenheitform .
Ich galube du willst den Text in der Vergangenheitsform schreiben oder? :)
Ja, wollte ich ^^" Ich habs nicht so mit den Zeiten im Englischen ^^
In the evening, as i wanted to go to the bed, I heard a very loud noise outside. I looked out off the window, but there was nothing. I went back to the bed, but then i suddenly heard a louder noise outside. Suddenly, the windows was broken and they abducted me. I can't see where they went, because they blindfolded me. After a long time, some people were crying, I didn't know what happened, but suddenly the blindfold fell down and I could see something. I saw a attractive lady and also saw where I am. I was on a pirate ship. I was very afraid, because I didn't know what they wanted from me, but suddenly I heard something that sounded like a sword fight. I really like adventures but only in movies or something else, but not in real life. But then I heard a beep. It got louder and louder. Suddenly I woke up and found out, that all I saw was just a dream...
-Achte auf die Zeit. Du tendierst dazu zwischen den Zeiten zu wechseln! -Vor dem "but" kommt im Englishen kein Beistrich -Versuch keine Wortwiederholungen zu machen und deine Sätze zu verbinden
Hab dir oben eig. nur die Zeitfehler korrigiert..
Wow o.O Epischen dank ^-^ Eigentlich hatte ich ja nicht verlangt, das es einer macht, aber echt vielen dank :D
Pass auf, er hat nur die Zeitfehler berichtigt. Da sind noch mehr Fehler. Es heißt an attractive Lady und nimm mal im letzten Satz " I realized " dann hört sich alles viel besser an. :)
Also da haben sich auch einige Fehler eingeschlichen..The window , i Couldn't see, I saw an attractive lady and where I was located....that all what i have seen was just a dream ..
..Du schreibst voll du falschen Zeiten..
In the evening, when I wanted to go to the bed, I heard a very loud noise outside. I looked out off the window, but there wasn't anything. I went back to the bed but then heard a new louder noise outside. Suddenly the window was broken and they kidnapped me. I couldn't see where they were gone because they were blindfolding me. After a long time, some people were cyring, I didn't know what happened but suddenly the blindfold felt down and I could see something. I saw an attractive lady and also where I am. I was on a pirate ship and I was very afraid because I didn't know what they wanted from me but after that I heard something like a sword fight. I really like adventures but only in movies. Then, I heard a beep. It becames louder and louder and suddenly I woke up and realized : It was just a dream.
Diese Korrektur gefällt mir bis jetzt am besten DH
kleine Korrektur: I wanted to go to bed.
the blindfold fell down...
and also where I was...
It became louder and louder...
I couldnt see where they were gone (das klingt irgendwie falsch kanns aber nicht direkt fest machen)
Wow, danke :D Scheint alles korrekt zu sein, soweit ich sehe ^^ Danke danke danke :D Und nächstes mal fange ich wirklich früher an Texte zu schreiben ^^