Ist diese/r Comment/Argumentation ok? (Englisch Hilfe!)

Hallo ! Ich schreiben nächste Woche eine Englisch Arbeit zum Thema Genetically Modified Food. Ich wollte mich drauf vorbereiten und habe deshalb schon einen kurzen Comment geschrieben. Könnt ihr mir helfen und nachschauen ob das so ok ist. Danke im Voraus!

In the following text I am going to write about the topic: “GM food” GM food is produced from plants or animals whose genes have been changed by scientists. A loophole in the law allowed supermarkets to sell genetically modified food. Should it be banned? And should mankind manipulate the gene?

In my opinion the GM food should be banned. The problem is that many people didn't know that the most food in supermarkets are genetically modified. I believe if they knew what they eat, then many people wouldn´t buy the GM food. The food is unpopular among consumers.

On the one hand, the GM food is much cheaper than nature food. On the other hand the food is unhealthy. The GM animals die much earlier than normal animals and they suffer too. There is no doubt about it that the GM food is unhealthy.

In addition, the mankind didn’t know which consequences at manipulate of gene there can be. Maybe it can trigger allergies or a disease. If this happens, we might not have effective antibiotic drugs to fight back.

Hence I believe that the GM Food is not only harmful for us but also for the animals. That is why I think that GM food should be banned. Mankind shouldn’t change anything what worked of thousands years.

Answer 1

[JohnRambo]

Deine Meinung ist sehr schnell klar, es ist spannender - meiner Meinung nach -, wenn Deine persönliche Meinung auf Deiner Argumentation, in die Deine eigene Meinung aber noch nicht gehört, beruhen würde. Ich meine damit, dass Du tolle Argumente genannt hast, aber Deine Meinung erst im Schlusssatz nennen solltest.

Zum Beispiel: In conclusion the GM Food should be banned - not just to protect mankind´s health but also to ensure that animals may live a life that is worth living.