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Frage
von Louise0904
29.03.2024, 14:22
Frage wurde 1 Mal erneut gestellt
Grammatikalische/Inhaltliche Korrektur?

 Hallo^^ Könnte sich vielleicht jemand die Zeit nehmen, und meinen Letter of Intent korrekturlesen in beider grammatikalischer und inhaltlicher Hinsicht? Das wäre super nett!!

LETTER OF INTENT

Dear Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine Admissions Comittee:

Thank you very much for considering me as a potential student at the Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine and Pharmacy Cluj-Napoca. My name is ... and I’m hereby applying for a place at this very prestigious university.

My interest for human medicine came into being by watching my father work. He owns a quite big and successful general practitioner’s office and currently operates six physicians beside him. When I was younger I helped out the medical assistants for a short period of time during my holidays, doing some computer work to oppose the regular rush of patients. When I had nothing to do, I’d watch my father treat the patients and ever since then I’ve been eager to do the same. To learn about the human body, how it works, how illnesses of every kind develop and originate, and how to treat them. How to help people convalesce and free them as much as possible from their burdens. I’ve worked in the nursing sector a few times by now, trying to live out that passion already. Last year, I was part of the Maltese pilgrimage to Lourdes twice, and took care of the sick and old people to let them have an emotional and rare experience. This involved nursing duties like washing and bathing, dressing, feeding, giving medicine, pushing wheelchairs etc. Next month, from April to May, I am going to volunteer at a hospital in Kerala (India), where I hope to gather as much practical experience as possible to help and prepare me with my medical studies.

I came across the Iuliu Haţieganu University through my cousin. Just last year, my cousin graduated successfully at this university in Romania, and he’s really recommended it to me. Not only were the people and the location quite nice, especially the study system very much spoke to him and let him start working as an assistant doctor with a good basis. I’ve researched the Iuliu Haţieganu University a lot, discussed many aspects about it with my cousin, and have come to the conclusion that this university would be the best for me to apply and graduate at. This is because of the exceptional and professional staff, the individualized, high-quality education and many verbal recommendations I’ve received. By graduating at the Iuliu Haţieganu University I hope to complete the first step to make a career as a doctor, either at the hospital or as a general practitioner afterwards. I’m not setting that in stone yet so I can make different experiences in several sections of human medicine and decide at the end where I enjoy to work the most and in which field I’d be the best enrichment for everyone, especially the patients. In case of admission, which I really hope because this university is my top choice, I’d immediately accept. I want to actively contribute to the university with my purposeful studying and successful graduation, helping the people around me while studying with mental support and of course later on as a doctor on furthermore a health-wise basis. I wouldn’t have any problem looking for a room to stay and making first personal aquaintances due to my cousin’s knowledge and connections and am eager to make Cluj-Napoca my home.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration, I’m hopeful for the chance to be admitted, and, in this case, to simultanously benefit from the Iuliu Haţieganu University of Medicine incoming class of 2024 and contribute to it as well.

Yours sincerely,

Medizin, Englisch, Studium, Bewerbung, Text, englische Grammatik, Grammatik, Inhalt, Medizinstudium, Rechtschreibung, Rumänien, Universität
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Frage
von Ela21794
23.03.2024, 16:11
Englischen Text: Wie würdet ihr den bewerten?

Hallo ich habe einen essay geschrieben über compulsory first aid courses for fourteen year olds und das ist ein maturabeispiel gewesen und ich wollte fragen, ob jemand das durchlesen könnte und es bewerten könnte, welche note das wäre, vor allem mit den fehlern und so. Ich habe den Text komplett alleine geschrieben und das in 20 Minuten, weil bei der Matura haben wir sehr wenig Zeit für zwei Texte also nur eine Stunde. Ich würde mich echt freuen. :)

Nowadays young people has access to more goods like education. In our modernity, they can extend their knowledge pretty easily as technology, for instance, is spread all over the world and as they can attain school which offers a ton of diverse subjects. However, people still argue that many of these don’t teach valuable lessons about the real life. Instead, young people already want to accomplish experiences that educate them for certain situations, perhaps helping someone out in hazardous situations. In result of these arguably issues, people suggest signing 14-year olds up for compulsory first aid courses.

Compulsory first aid courses can be ideal and influential for young people collecting more real life based experiences. Moreover, they can even give them an insight on how a situation can alter in only one instant and how people can put themselves in danger, precisely fighting against death. Teaching sessions about helping someone, in terms of surviving, can reflect young people’s interests. Some students already complain on having deplorable teaching sessions at school, regardless of their subject area. Maths, science, biology,  physics might enforce their intellectual thoughts but what about focusing on their mind set. Are they even that mentally stable to handle emergency situations? Would they even risk themselves to help someone out after they crashed their car into a tree? Are they even willing to sacrifice themselves and is it even worth?

At this point, students would take school more seriously as compulsory first aid courses influence students mental mind set. In this case, the integration of first aid courses into school is essential for young people. 14 year olds must bear the importance of life teaching sessions. So, the government need to go after their obligations to pay these courses. After all, education should be free and accessible to everyone. School subjects should not only consist of languages or natural sciences, but the government also have to consider the fact that students have to train their cognitive skills as well.

Moreover, the government can also detect people’s reactions would shape in a deferential way if the education system would be more comprehensive and creative. I mean, how can someone not find it intriguing that the education system develops more on its way to be immaculate. It would pique everybody’s curiosity how young people desirably helps out to change the world into a better place. Knowledge has the power for it.

In conclusion, it can be said that if someone comes up with compulsory first aid courses, it should be already associated in the school’s education system. Fourteen year old should be, at this degree, handle emergency situations and activate their human instincts to sacrifice themselves. 

Englisch lernen, Englisch, Deutsch, Schule, Mathematik, Text, Übersetzung, Abitur, Aufsatz, Englisch-Deutsch, englische Grammatik, Englischunterricht, Grammatik, Hausaufgaben, Rechtschreibung, summary, comment
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