Ist dieses Personal statement in dem Curriculum Vitae gut? (Lebenslauf)
Hallo, wir schreiben am Donnerstag eine Klassenarbeit über den Lebenslauf. Alles andere ist ja recht easy, nur bei dem Personal statement bin ich mir nicht so sicher. Was könnte ich besser machen?
I love it to meet new people and to work in groups. I am open-minded and I can handle customers well. As I was on holidays in the UK last summer I am sure that I want to work in a british company.
I want to ameliorate my english skills and I think a year abroad is the best way to do that. I also have some history skills because I have an british friend who appeared and explained me a lot of ancient informations.
Danke für die Antworten. :)
2 Antworten
Hallo,
zusätzlich zu earnests Vorschlägen:
- English skills
- would like to (würde gerne) statt want to (will) - Kinder, die was wollen, kriegen was auf die Bollen heißt es doch.
- and I think a year abroad is the best way (Rest weglassen)
- gave me a lot of information about (ancient) history / taught me / told me a lot about (ancient) history
Viel Glück und Erfolg für die Klassenarbeit!
:-) AstridDerPu
Meine Vorschläge:
-I love to meet...
-Komma hinter "summer"
-British
-"develop" statt "ameliorate" (dann klingt das nicht so "hochgestochen")
-"history skills" streichen, dafür so etwas wie "I am very interested in" schreiben
-a British friend
-Den gesamten Teil hinter "friend" solltest Du umformulieren:
-"appear" paßt nicht
-"explained to me"
-"ancient" paßt nicht
-"information" immer nur im Singular
Du solltest aber nicht die Fehler am Schluß korrigieren, finde ich, sondern diesen Teil umschreiben. Vielleicht so:
"... I have a friend from whom I learnt/learned a great deal about British history."
Gruß, earnest
Klingt gut, finde ich. Du fängst aber fast alle Sätze mit "I" an.
Drei Hinweise:
1. "I also have..." (aber vielleicht kannst du auf das etwas unmotivierte "also" verzichten).
2. "I have taken pictures since I was seven years old. Last autumn I took part in a ... where I learned a lot of interesting techniques."
3. kein "the" vor "British history".
Viel Glück am Donnerstag! earnest
hey, danke für eure Antworten ! :)
Ich habe es nochmal etwas überarbeitet, ist es so besser?
PERSONAL STATEMENT
I love to meet new people and to work in groups. I am open-minded and I can handle customers well. As I was on holidays in the UK last summer, I am sure that I would like to work in a British company.
I have also very good skills in photography. I sometimes take photos of people in the pedestrian zone and send the print to them. I make pictures since I am 7 years old and last autumn I visited a Photoshop course where I learned a lot of interesting tasks.
I want to develop my English skills and I think a year abroad is the best way. I am also very interested in the British history. I have a friend who taught me a great deal about it.
Gruß, fender113