Kann jemand gut Englisch und diesen kurzen Text überlesen?
Hey, ich muss meiner Lehrerin einen Comment schreiben, per email. Hab da noch was dazu geschrieben. Wär nice wenn das jemand der gut englisch spricht das durchliest und mir sagt, ob es Fehler gibt/man was verbessern könnte und die Email angemessen für einen Lehrer ist.
Dear Mrs. , I was not sure if you wanted us to write the comment just about that text in the book (with a introduction and details about the text). So I just wrote my opinion down on that topic and included some of the arguments in the text.
Writing a comment – Young people in a multifaceted society
Many people think that our generation is anti-social, lazy and always on their phone. That might be true in some cases, but you can’t stereotype everyone just because of some people. Like every generation, there are lots of different kids and kind of people. There are extremes in every way. Teenagers steal, take drugs, don’t go to school and commit crimes, but also learn everyday more, get good grades, volunteer or work for charities, want to try new things and take part in demonstrations.
In every generation you can find similar people, but others describe and see us the way the mass acts. Most of us are insecure and don’t know how to deal with changes, their life in general and the expectations of their parents, families and friends. We are trying to grow up like every human before us, questioning our existence, purpose and matter of life.
The Internet, (social) media and the digitalisation in general make these questions particularly important. We have the opportunity to share our opinion with a great mass, but we also can influence them and in reverse, without us noticing it.
Such a conflict is new to humanity, there might be similarities to other problems in worlds history but we don’t know where to set limits or make rules for it. We are unsure about what is wrong and what is right, especially in this case, so many people don’t know what to think about a lot of important topics. Some try to make things legit, using the arguments (of different philosophies). They don’t think or even care about nature, animals or humans, their lives or rights. Since generations we are destroying the earth and taking all the resources, not caring about the people that will be born in the future and will have to deal with all the trouble and problems that we caused.
That sounds pretty pessimistic, but it’s the truth. In my opinion, the only main things improving with our generation and what we are changing right now are discrimination, sexism, racism and so on. Maybe we are far away from getting equality and the same (human) rights for everyone in the world, but at least we have the luck to be in the position to have a good(?) education and the access to a massive amount of information (Internet, library, school). (geht weiter in den Antworten)
3 Antworten
"Teenagers steal, take drugs, don’t go to school and commit crimes, but
also learn everyday more, get good grades, volunteer or work for
charities, want to try new things and take part in demonstrations."
Hier liest es sich so, als handelte es sich um dieselben Teenager, die morgens klauen und Drogen nehmen, aber abends brav lernen und sich für soziale Projekte engagieren. Das müsstest du anders formulieren.
"their life" = their lives (immer Plural)
"don’t know" ausschreiben= schriftlich wird nicht verkürzt, also "do not".
Viel gibt's da aber nicht zu meckern.
Dein Stil gefällt mir wirklich gut !!
danke :) kann leider nicht den Rest als einzelnen Kommentar schreiben, aber hier: (...)It´s sad that many teenagers don´t use that as a chance to learn what they want and maybe change something in the world (as just said, many of us are lazy or don´t realize how important that is) but I notice that more and more young people question this and other societies, stand up for their well deserved rights and go to demonstrations. I hope the idea of equality for everyone and the (in my opinion) logical and fair thinking will spread around the world, even if my opinion in making it a better place is divided because of that extremes.
learn more every day - falsche Wortstellung in Deinem Satz.
Das "the" vor digitalisation unbedingt streichen!
Was soll "matter of life" bedeuten? Meinst Du "sense in life"?
our opinions
"with a great mass" klingt nicht gut. Wie wär's mit "millions of people from all over the world"?
PUNKT nach "humanity", dann neuer Satz ("comma splice" ist un-Englisch!)
Das Slang-Wort "legit" passt stilitisch nicht zum Text und zum Thema.
Der Satz, der mit "in my opinion"beginnt, klingt unfreiwillig so, als wäre es schön und gut und fortschrittlich , dass es Diskriminierung, Sexismus usw. gibt. Den Satz musst Du umformulieren.
Pro Zeile Korrekturlesen berechne ich € 5,95 zzgl. 19 % MwSt.
Ich akzeptiere Visa, AmEx und Mastercard.
Keine Blähsäfekarten und kein Paypal.
danke!