Erörterung englisch überprüfen

hallo :) ich habe eine Erörterung zum Thema Schuluniformen für den englisch unterricht geschrieben, wäre cool wenn ihr mir Tipps zur Grammatik und vielleicht auch Ergänzungen sagen könntet. hier ist sie:

This comment will be about school uniforms. in the USA for example there are schools where you have to wear school uniforms and in germany you dont have to wear them. now the question is if we should introduce school uniforms in germany?

On the one hand school uniforms are very good. when everyone wears the same, nobody can say things because of their look like. so there is less bullying at school. nobody recognize if someone is poor or rich and it's easier for poorer people to find friends. In addition to this the students are a community. All of them are working together. Without school uniforms there are allways some outsider which have to work alone. the class is not divided into cool and not cool but there is a single group. also the school is represented by the students when they wear uniforms. all looks the same and the whole school hold together. everybody can see which school it is.

But on the other hand school uniforms are not very helpful. you can not wear what you want and you can not have your own style. But this is very important at this age. students have to develop their own personalities. moreover you can not stop bullying. maybe it is reduced by school uniforms but you can never stop it forever. there are students who does not look good with them or they are bullied because of their behavior. in addition, bullying takes place in the free time of students. so outsider are only in school protected. above all it is very expensive. families have to buy these uniforms and they are not cheap. when you have more than one child, it becomes more expensive. after school most of the students wear normal clothes. so you have to buy both - school uniforms and clothes for the free time. everyone changes the outfit once per day. it is very expensive for poor families. maybe their children have to wear the uniform the whole day.

danke schonmal:)

...zur Frage

Vom Inhalt her alles ganz schön gestaltet, aber der Schreibstil könnte man noch etwas aufbessern, damit es flüssiger und "englischer" klingt. Aber es kommt jetzt auch drauf an in welcher Klasse du bist, denn im Großen und Ganzen ist das eine ganz ordentliche Arbeit.

...zur Antwort
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