sometimes someone hurts you so bad it stops hurting at all until sth makes you feel it again and then it all comes back every word every hurt every moment .How could you ever understand why (oder where) i come from. even if you ask even if you listen . you do not really hear or see or feel. you dont remember my story. you havent walk my past you havent seen what i ´ve seen. My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen unhurt unwanted - that is what I am -if even I am anything. it seemedv like the same thing that held me up forced me down. the world turned upside down. In order to disappear. noting is how it supposed to be and a hevy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper i fell within myself and nothing could get me out. trapped in the misery of my life lost in the ... of my soul - unable to see the light unable to see the dawn, to feel , to hope, to dream and i found the darkest days of my life kept coming the blackest nights from myself never stop. it seemed like it was always nighttime and nightmares and never sunny. and maybe you wonder why but mostley you try not to think about it and try to get by and try to survive. and all the other stuff seems so much like nothing compared to just one things back again like whisches you could see your mommy smile again and hear her singing that one favorite sing that always calmed you down. and things were almost stopped or if you couldnt .. a bag or at least if you could take care of your baby brother cause you know he needs you. and hes gonna be so scared all alone and whos gonna held his hand and whisper its gonna be all alright to him - and who will whisper it to me? I know im helpless -depended and desperate but what happens when those you need the most are afraid ?that you even existed. i have heard many of promisses and they all sounds the same but push them enough and later they all are empty the sun comes up every morning but do you know where? each place at some where different its hard to find east when you keep moving around .but at least it comes. it always comes. i depend on that and slowly slowely saisons changes around me. and it seemed this time that maybe the world would not be pulled out me again. feel safe. Routes are starting to grow. little birds of hope for me. slowly attempting to trust this new life .
I wish someone who tells me its gonna be okay that one day maybe i feel normal that i wont always be alone. that i will have a mommy who huggs me , be strong for me because of maybe i cant do it all by myself THIS is my past my history my story is not my fault its not because of me it doesnt have to be what defines my future. I am loveable ia ma worthy of care and that glimmer of light it makes all the differents the glimmers of light give me hope that someday my summer will come....
vielleicht kannst du es dir jetzt besser vortsellen als es nur zu hören:D