ich habe einen Text zur Übung geschrieben und würde gerne wissen was ich verbessern könnte an Stil, Form und Inhalt usw ... könnte deswegen jemand meinen Text lesen und ihn bewerten und mir verbesserungsvorschläge machen ? Danke im voraus !
die Aufgabenstellung: Comment on Vilma Berrio´s expectations in Obama concerning the immigration reform.
der Text dazu:
Vilma Berrios, who immigrated from El Salvador in 1975 and is now a citizen, voted for Mr. Obama in 2008. As she sat in MacArthur Park, another gathering place for immigrants, she spoke of her conflicted feelings.
She said she did not support Mr. Obama anymore, because so many people had been deported under his administration. But she added that if he followed through on the promises he made Friday, she would vote for him again.
“I have to think about who I’m going to vote for,” Ms. Berrios, 59, said in Spanish. “If he completes what he promised today, I will vote for him. It’s very important. But I want immigration reform that will benefit everyone.”
mein Text:
In the following text I will comment on Vilma Berrio´s expections in Obama.
At first Vilma Berrio says that she is not an Obama supporter anymore because when he started his work as president she thought everything would turn out all right for the illegal and legal immigrants who live in the United States, but many illegal immigrants had been deported under Obama´s administration.
I cannot agree with this point of view because it is not possible to change all problems on the first day of an administration and it is not possible to change all problems in four years, too. To impriove problemns it is more time needed as four years. So I think that the deportation of those immigrants should not be the reason for not supporting President Obama.
In addition to the first statement Berrio gave she adds a reproach to Barack Obama when she said that she has to think about who she is going to vote for and that if he completes what he promised that day she would vote for him. With this sentence Vilma Berrio reproaches Mister Obama because between the lines she says that he has not been following his promises.
I think this reproach is unsuitable because she cannot be sure about what she said.
it is possible that Barack Obamacared about his promises and tried to realise them but it is a long and hard way from having a target in mind to really archieving it, especially for laws.
For example when Obama wants to give illegal immigrants the chance to work he has to suggest this possible law to a council. They have to vote and when they want the law it is passed.
So when the law e.g. against deportation is not passed yet, it is not only Obamas fault.
Furthermore she said that she wants an immigration reform that would benefit everyone.
I doubt whether such a reform could benefits everyone because you can not make everybody happy with a reform because there are always people who are impatient of the situation.