englischer text über australien

ich hab einen text über australien im englischen geschrieben , da wollte ich mal eure meinungen dazu hören :)

Australia is a country and continent,which is sometimes called down under for his position at the bottom of the globe. Sydney is the largest city in Australia with a population of about 4 million people. The opera house at the harbour bridge in sydney is very famous. Aussies love surfing at the coast. Most of them live in cities around the coast, so most of the kids learn to surf quite early. The waves are approximate twenty feet high. The longest fence in the world is the dingo fence. Its over 5000 km long. It was made to keep out dingos. Those are wild dogs and roam the outback of australia. The farmers hate them because they kill thousands of sheep every year. The bushmen started building the fence about 100 years ago. Australia is the hottest and driest continent of the world.Only a few people live in the outback.They call the loneliest part of the outback the never-never-land. In australia live animals , wich are cute and cuddly, like koalas or kangaroos.

Some other facts of Australian: The inhabitants of Australia were the aborigines. Aussiesnare very sporty too. They do many exciting and exhausting sports too, for example Australian rules football , which is a mix of football and rugby.Or cricket, this game can be very dangerous because the ball can be 150 km per hour fast.

das wär dann alles :) würde mich sehr freuen wenn ihr es lesen und bewertet, ihr könnt mir auch schulnoten geben :D Danke im voraus :)

2 Antworten

earnest

Von gutefrage auf Grund seines Wissens auf einem Fachgebiet ausgezeichneter Nutzer

Englisch

14.11.2012, 19:48

Ja, Dein Englisch ist DEUTLICH besser als der hier ansonsten übliche Standard. Für eine Notenschätzung fehlen Klasse und Schultyp.

Ein paar Kleinigkeiten müßten verbessert werden. (Mach ich jetzt aber nicht.)

Was mir noch nicht gefällt, ist das Hüpfen von Thema zu Thema in der gleichen Zeile. Es wirkt atem- und übergangslos, wenn der Leser die 20-Fuß-Wellen meistert und sich unmittelbar darauf auf dem Trockenen wiederfindet: am Dingozaun. Vorschlag: Absätze, Übergänge schaffen.

Die Satzstruktur finde ich manchmal etwas gleichförmig. S-P-O. S-P-O. S-P-O.
Du könntest stärker variieren.

Inhaltlich ist vieles Wichtige angerissen. Für die Aboriginals hätte ich mindestens einen weiteren Satz für angemessen gehalten. Vielleicht auch noch 1-2 Sätze zur Regierungsform.

Mein spontaner Eindruck war: Insgesamt "Noch Gut".
Aber, wie gesagt, ohne Kenntnis von Klasse, Schultyp usw.
Für Klasse 9 deutlich mehr, für Klasse 11 nicht...

Gruß, earnest

ipodtouchfreak4

Fragesteller

14.11.2012, 20:01

ja also danke erst mal für die antwort und ich bin in der 9 klasse in einem gymnasium :) und des war nur ein konzept :D

earnest

14.11.2012, 20:35

@ipodtouchfreak4

Respekt!

Nardine

02.11.2018, 14:33

@ipodtouchfreak4

Pechgehabt wer hat gefragt meine Fresse

Eliet100

14.11.2012, 19:19

2+ :)

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