Englisch Written Discussion Verbesserungsvorschläge

Boot Camps in Germany !!!

Some people mean that the boot camps in the USA a good idea , but should be boot camps introduced in germany ?

Many people and parents says that boot camps are very good , because boot camps helps troublemakers to learn discipline. And when they learn discipline the crime rate will be go down. Second, the lessons in the school will be more quiet and than the students can better learn and have than better marks. As well the children will be trained they physical fitness and they learn to live healthy. When they used to the circumstances in boot camps, they will live in that way , when leaving the camp.

However, other people and parents are against boot camps, because they think that the children soon forget about boot camp and get in trouble again. Another argument against is the cost ! If boot camps are built in germany, the state would have many costs. The last argument is that many people say that children didnt learn discipline but should have been broken. People say that the boot camps are to hard for children and that the teachers in the camps are too strict.

After looking at both sides I think that boot camps shouldnt be built in germany. The advantages are very good, but the disadvantages are predominant.

Verbesserungsvorschläge für diesen Text wären hilfreich :)

3 Antworten

DerElias88

10.05.2017, 20:41

Will be heißt dass es passieren WIRD. Aber würde would be nicht besser passen? Denn es WÜRDE passiert wenn man bootcamps einführt

Bswss

Von gutefrage auf Grund seines Wissens auf einem Fachgebiet ausgezeichneter Nutzer

Englisch, Schule

18.03.2013, 16:35

Einige Tipps für die Zukunft - als Ergänzung zu Astrid:

Staatsnamen groß schreiben: Germany.

"As well" nicht am Anfang. Besser: Moreover, .. / In addition, ...

Nicht "The last argument is", sondern: "Another argument is..."

Das verb "mean" heißt fast immer "bedeuten", nicht "meinen". "Meinen" ist meist "think" oder "believe"

Am Anfang muss es heißen: ... the crime rate will go down (ohne "be").

AstridDerPu

Von gutefrage auf Grund seines Wissens auf einem Fachgebiet ausgezeichneter Nutzer

Englisch, Text

18.03.2013, 15:16

Boot Camps in Germany !!!

Some people mean that the boot camps in the USA hier fehlt das Verb a good idea , but should be boot camps introduced - Word Order in germany ?

Many people and parents says that boot camps are very good kein Komma because boot camps (Wiederholung) helps troublemakers to learn discipline. And (kein Satzanfang) when they learn discipline Komma the crime rate will be go down. Second, (---) lessons in the school will be more quiet and than the students can better learn (Word Order) and have than better marks (Word Order). As well

Komma

(---) children will be trained (---) außerdem fehlt hier eine Präposition physical fitness and they learn to live healthy. When they hier fehlt etwas used to the circumstances in boot camps, they will live (---) that way , when leaving the camp.

However, other people and parents are against boot camps kein Komma because they think that the children soon forget about hier fehlt der bestimmte Artikel boot camp and get in trouble again. Another argument against is the cost ! If boot camps are built in germany, the state would have many costs. The last argument is that many people say that children didnt learn discipline but should have been broken. People say that (---) boot camps are to hard for children and that the teachers in the camps are too strict.

After looking at both sides I think that boot camps shouldnt be built in germany. The advantages are very good, but the disadvantages are predominant.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.eu,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

:-) AstridDerPu

PS: Tipps und Wendungen für Comments findest du in der Schreibschule bei http://www.ego4u.de/de/cram-up/writing/comments

HiPeople

Fragesteller

18.03.2013, 15:57

Danke hast mir echt geholfen :)

Bswss

18.03.2013, 16:36

"crime rate will go down" - ohne "be" - hattest Du übersehen.

hey leute, morgen muss ich eine englisch haussaufgabe abgeben und zwar geht es um written a discussion ( über Boot Camps - Erziehungslager). Ich hab schon ein ganzen text geschrieben bin mir aber sicher das ich fehler hab. Könntet ihr mir da ein wenig helfen.

Boot camps are a type of military school for teenagers. Teenagers who are commit a crime sent to boot camps to learn disciplin and straighten their lives up. A boot camp look like a prison and there is nothing personal in the rooms. First ,some people say that teenagers really need to go to a boot camp, because they learn discipline. Second ,you have to learn to follow the rules if you want to do well. That´s why they hadn´t to go to prison and so they have better chances to get a job for their lives. But in my opinion Boot camps shouldn´t be introduced in Germany, because discipline doesn´t change a person. I think people have to learn how to think for themselves, not learn how to follow rules. That´s why i think boot camps doesn´t work. After looking at both sides i think if a teenager want to change their life they will do , but not when they are forced to.

...zur Frage

Englisch Written Discusion Verbesserungsvorschläge?

Danke schon mal im Voraus

Boot camps

In America teenagers who can‘t behave are send to boot csmps by there parents.

The teenagers go for 5 months to the boot camp and learn there discipline, the boot camp help them to get back on the right path and straighten up there life. When the teenagers arrive at the boot camp, the drill instructors will teach them the rules, one of this rules is, that you can only answer with sir, yes sir or madam, yes madam.
Some people say that boot camps are a good idea. Is it a good idea to send teenagers who vandalise and can’t behave to send them to a boot camp? There are advantages and disadvantages . The first argument is that boot camps help people to stay out of trouble and help them to get back on the right path and straighten up there life. The second argument is that the teenagers learn to follow the rules, discipline and respect. The third argument is, teenagers don’t go in the prison. On the other hand there are disadvantages. The first argument is, teenagers soon forget about boot camp and get in trouble again. Another argument is boot camps do not solve the problems at home or school, for example the family have money problems or they are bullied at school, because they don’t do anything illegal, such as tailing drugs or dell with drugs. The last argument is that the boot camp can teenagers make Ill and they can get a trauma. After looking at both sides, I think boot camps are not a good idea, because the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

...zur Frage

Hallo Community! könnt ihr meinen Comment durchlesen und mir Rückmeldung geben?

Ich versuche mich gerade an meinen Englischhausaufgaben - einen Comment über das Thema "criminal responsibility at the age of 10".

Dies ist mein Comment:

Write a comment - Criminal responsibility at the age of 10?

Nowadays many people think that the criminal responsibility should be set to the age of 10 in Germany. Is that right?

On one hand are children at the age of 10 too young for prison. They don’t know the consequences of what they are doing. Or did you know at this age which punishment you get for e.g. for shoplifting? But on the other hand it’s unfair that younger people have no criminal responsibility. I am convinced that we must set an example. The problem is that a lot of children are criminal because they know they can’t get punished. So I think they have to learn to bear responsibility earlier because they shouldn’t get into trouble. The next point I want to mention is if they know what is allowed to do and which punishment they will get for which kind of crime, they will be scared off. So the risk that they will get criminal in the future could be minimised. But what is also to do? In my point of view punishment by oneself can’t help alone. The children have to be taught this in school and by their parents.

I come to the conclusion that this law would help but we have to do more than just changing a law. Also I think that the age of criminal responsibility should be set to the age of 12 because in my opinion the age of 10 is too young.

Ich würde mich sehr über Tipps und auch jegliche Kritik freuen! LG moriarty123

...zur Frage

Englisch Hausaufgabe Teenagers on streets

Hallo. Kann jemand bitte mal meine Englische Hausaufgabe korrigieren? Wäre echt nett. Liebe Grüße, und danke schon mal :)

Teenagers on streets 15-year-olds children will go out between 9pm and 6am. But should they be allowed to be on streets between 9pm and 6am? Some people say that children can go out between 9pm and 6am. They can meet her friends, have more freetime and they can d more with their friends, for example go to the cinema. However, other people disagree. One common reason is because they think the children shout be attacked. Another argument against 15-year-olds children should be on the streets at 9pm and 6am is, that the children could be robbed, or that the children have to little sleep. Or so children could be kidnapped for a man or so. In my opinion, it´s okay when 15-year-olds children go longer out at weekend. But all in all you can say it´s better when children stay at home between 9pm and 6am.

...zur Frage

Kann jemand bitte mein comment anschauen und sagen welche Fehler ich gemacht habe, da ich am Dienstag ein comment in einer Klausur schreiben muss?

Nowadays social networks are used by people all over the world. They use them to stay in contact with their friends or family, get information about what’s happening in other parts of the world or just to bore something away. But there are also some negative facts, for example are social media also used for bullying. In the following I’m going to comment whether teenagers can agree or can’t agree if social media are good for them, also including the article „ Forty-five percent of teens are online ‚almost constantly’ – and they don’t know if it’s good for them“ written by Abby Ohlheiser published in the Washington Post on 31 may, 2018.

First off all, social media are the best option for humans to express new possibilities for their future. They can find new attractions and places in the world, which they would never have heard of.

Second, social networks are often used to find out the answer to questions, when not knowing the answer. Most of the people just take out their mobile phones, type it in and then they can read the answer.

Third, social media are used to stay in contact with your friends, even if they move or travel.On the other side there are also negative points, for example that there aren’t just websites with goog thoughts, like websites where violence or sexual content is shown. Furthermore it has to be mentioned that there are people, mostly men, who get on these websites and don’t do legitimate things.On top of that, there are teenagers, who use social network platforms to bully their classmates. For this they use networks where you can write anonymously.

Weighing the pros and cons, I come to the decision, that social media isn’t a big problem for teenagers, if there are rules, which have to be followed and controlled by humans and / or machines.On top I think that social media should even be more popular, so that parents also know about it, so that they can teach their children about the problems.

...zur Frage

Erörterung/Comment english zap zp gut?!

Schreibe am Donnerstag meine Englisch zap jnd würde gerne wissen ob das eine gute Erörterung ist. Bitte bewertet es inhaltlich und sprachlich. Und was ist verbessern könnte. Ist echt wichtig. Wäre euch echt dankbar Thema : Rauchverbot ja oder nein

Nowadays many people think that smoking should be forbidden. Is that right ? There are many reasons for and against.

The first point is that it is like toxic for people when they smoke. Moreover a lot of guys smoke outside where many other people are. It could be that they smoke passive and it is quite worser than smokes active. But then we can forbid it only on places where are many people.

The reason is that if we banned smoking all companys become poor and million lose their jobs.

But the mainly point is that the state earn fewer money, because they get less tax and they need money for different causes. That is why they must raise the land tax. At worst ih can be that the economic system crash.

After looking both sides I must say that it could be very dangerous to banned smoking. The only thing that we could do is not to allowed it when children are near the smoker to safe them.

...zur Frage

English argumentative wirting

Ich gehe zurzeit in die 9. Klasse eines Gymnasiums und ich habe eine 5 in Englisch. Daher würde ich mich sehr freuen wenn ihr mir bitte folgenden Text korrigieren würdet. Könntet ihr mir bitte folgenden Text korrigieren:

Today nearly every kid under 13 years has an own smartphone. But is that good for the kids? Some people say smartphones are good for kids and their developing. There are some people saying the kids should learn the technic of smartphones in young age for example to learn for their future job or for school. The childrens could learn in this age how impotant and useful the internet is for example they could learn for school by games and websites like togolino.de. Other people think the childrens in this age could learn for school in smartphones for example with apps. However tere are other people, thinking the comletly opposite. This people have the suspicion that the children could visit websites where they are still under age for example a child could go to a website for pornographic or violency things. The kids should not become an own smartphone because kids in this age should play outside with real friends and not with virtual friends in games for example a kid which is going outside to play is more social than a kid which is sitting all the day at home. When parents pay so much money for a smartphone the kid could lose it for example in sandpit. After looking at both sides I think there are mor disadvantages than advantages for having a smartphone under 13 years. That`s why children in this age should not have an own smartphone. In my opinion parents who buy a smartphone for a child are stupid and irresponsible because they damage the life of their own child.

...zur Frage

Englisch Text korriegieren

Hallo kann jemand folgenden Text korrigieren? Dankeschön Dear Ben Russell, I read your article “Credit cards to ration individuals' carbon use“, which is published in newspaper The Independent in July19,2006. First of all I want to say that I think it's very good that there are people like you who think about the environment and of course about the problems which are exist. The suggestion is that every body has a credit-card with Carbon Dioxide points and if someone travels, use electricity, gas or petrol with carbon rations they have to pay. There is a special amount of this points and if you need more than your personal cap you have to buy credits on the open market. On the other side if there are people who cut the pollution of the carbon they produce, they could sell their surplus. Mr Miliband also suggests that banning products like light bulbs or electrical appliances which waste power while on standby, have to forbid. Everyone have to make automatic payments of offset pollution. I think this credit cards are not a good idea, because there would be a discrimination, because on the one hand rich people wouldn't cut their consume because they have the money to buy this credits. The most of them wouldn't take care about the environment. On the other hand the poor people have to take care about their carbon use. They haven't got the money to buy new credits. The result would be that the poor people take care and the richer people don't take care. Now you can say that it's maybe not a completely good result but now there are a few people who take care. Better than no one. But what is if the poorer people have to use the car everyday because they have to drive to work. They have to pay that they are working. This wouldn't make work more attractive. The poorer people are disadvantaged. Another cause why this credit cards are not a good idea is that you can't control it. There would be a lot of situations where are disagreements. For example if people drive together to work. Now who have to pay with carbon for that? The driver or the other ones? Another fact is that you can't handle everything with money. Everyone has to pay that the environment become better. But money doesn't help. You can't stop the global warming with money. My idea is that there have to be recompenses for those people who do something against the environment problems. There have to be individual things, which make environment protection very attractive and also necessary. It's very important that everybody knows about the problems and the results if we go on like this. All in all I think it's very good that there are people who think about a solution and things that can be do to stop the global warming. Nevertheless I think the credit-cards and money wouldn't be a good solution

...zur Frage

Könnte jemand bitte meine Englisch Argumentation korrektur lesen?

Asbos

In Britain, children and teenagers can be given an ASBO if they do anything that is an antisocial behavior. It’s a way of punishing them for their actions instead of going to prison or similar punishments. An ASBO consists of several punishments like being forbidden to go to different areas of a town or to meet specific people.

The problem with ASBO’s is that they can give the person depression because they are socially isolated. Consequently, this can lead to self harm or depression in the worst cases. Secondly, their actions aren’t primarily punished they are prevented so that the child/teen won’t do it anymore. Furthermore, the things that are reported aren’t necessarily illegal sometimes it’s just something that might be annoying to others, like tattoos. Having said that, this might just be a way of showing personality. Reportedly, it has happened that someone was just given an ASBO because he looked scary and was always wearing a hood. Another thing to add is that the pictures that are hung up around town can be really embarrassing and can lead to harassment by others. On the other hand, ASBOS also have advantages. Many teenagers have their problems with school, friends etc. This might lead to some illegal actions like drinking or smoking. In addition to that, there often is some kind of group pressure. ASBO’s are a way of showing them that their actions are wrong and that there is a solution to their problems. For instance, it’s a way of identifying that their actions have been wrong. Another key thing to remember is that ASBO’s can keep the children/teenagers from going to prison and that would be way worse.

All things considered, I think that ASBO’s can be good for the young people to change their antisocial behavior. That way, they can understand that their actions have been wrong and change them for good.

...zur Frage

englischarbeit child labour

ich bitteee um verbesserrung meines textes, ich wäre echt sher dankbaar..:D

Child Labour I think Child Labour is a very important and seriously topic.The kids must be work in very badly trouble. They must be work on the cold and hard floor and under a large pressure. First i would say that i'm strict against child labour. Its endager the health of the childrens very much. The work damaged their back and legs.childs who must be work in coal mines had problems witzh their lungs too. In addition the kids became emotional problems. Itsvery sadly that the kids dont have the chance to live his childhood. Durring other kids aregoing to the cinema or playing footbal, they must be produced us footballs for example. They pay is very bad too and the ware who is produced by the children be sale ever more than the double, that the childrens became for they work. Perhaps its a advantage for the employer, becouse childrens are work faster and are cheaper labor, but its a very big disadvantage for the childrens and later their childrens.

ICH HOFFE JEMAND HILFT MIR..... :( BIN NICHT BERADE GUITT WIE IHR SIEHT :SS

...zur Frage

Englisch Argumentative Essay?

Wie findet ihr diesen Argumentative Essay, ich hab heute die Klassenarbeit zurückbekommen und hab eine 4 bekommen. (9.Klasse)

Die Aufgabe war folgende: Schreibe einen Argumentative Essay über das Thema: "Doing an exchange year in Australia is a great idea". Wir mussten mindestens 3 Argumente dafür, und 3 dagegen finden.

Australia, the continent where the most dangerous animals are living, is very interesting for students who want to do an exchange year in a country where people speak English. The following essay will show argument sfor, and against doing an exchange year in Australia.

At the beginning, we will look at the arguments against the exchange year.

First, in Australia there are lots of dangerous animals, for example snakes, spiders, and others, they can kill you with just a bite, and it could be hard to get the medicin for that.

Furthermore, you could argue you cant visit your family very often, the distance between Australia and Germany is really big, and the tickets for planes are really expensive.

The last argument against the exchange year, is that it might be hard for you to understand the Australian people talking, because of their hard accent.

Lets move on to the arguments for doing an exchange year in Australia.

Firstly, Australia offers a lot when it comes to nature, on the one day you could see a shark swimming in the sea, and on the other, you could be in the desert.

Another argument for doing the exchange year is, that you can learn a lot about other cultures, for example the Aboriginals. You could learn how they lived in the Outback, or about the stolen generations.

Last but not least, you could argue that you would learn the language, if you are doing an exchange year in Australia, because you would speak English all day long.

In my opinion, an exchange year to Australia is a great way to learn English, and a lot about the aboriginals and how the lived there

...zur Frage

Hey könntet ihr mir sagen, ob meine Mediation gut ist oder, ob man etwas verbessern sollte?

The Articel „Tausch dich glücklich“ written by Simon Frost in the year 2013 and in the articel „Repair Cafés: Basteln gegen die Werfwerfgesellschaft written by Haiko Prengel in the Year 2013 explains why many Germans have changed their consumer behaviour.

More and more Germans are using exchange platforms to change their old items with other users. This is because many Germans do not want to throw away their old items such as refrigerators or toasters.

Furthermore, the exchange platforms are interesting for the users because everybody is always curious about what one will get in exchange for one's product. Nevertheless, it should be noted that material things are more valuable to the seller than immaterial things. For this reason, it is always difficult to exchange material things.

Because of this problem, the barter exchanges have created a point system where people get points for certain exchanged things and can redeem these points for vouchers.

One of the most important reasons for trading is that it means that people do not throw away products but recycle them and give them to other people. This contributes to the environment because it reduces waste products and keeps the products in the product cycle.

For this reason, other companies offer donation campaigns to donate to environmental organizations. This change contributes positively to the environment

In the second article more and more Germans are fighting against throwing away products. To this end, people have created several repair cafés where mechanics make old electrical appliances functional again. In this way, they recycle or repair the product and it can be reused.

The important thing is that nothing should be thrown away. With this idea, they want to control consumer behavior by offering consumers in several cities to have small or large defects repaired by mechanics. The problem is that consumers are too quick to throw away products with small defects. Saving money should not play a role, but people should learn to act more sustainably.

In conclusion, it can be said that more and more Germans want to be more environmentally conscious with exchange platforms. Furthermore, repair cafés should lead people to use their products more sustainably and to have them repaired if they are defective. This should reduce the number of disposable products.

...zur Frage

Englisch Essay: Kann jemand bitte darüber schauen, würde mich sehr freuen?

Essay: Pet and Teenagers

Should teenagers be exposed to pets at their age?

Having a pet at a early age helps teenagers learn about responsibility and taking care of others. At the same time, it can help them learn to take care of themselves. Some teenagers though, should never have pets of their own if they can’t control themselves and have difficulty with empathy. Therefore: Should teenagers be exposed to pets at their age?

Teenagers mature at different rates. Some can handle the responsibility of caring for a pet already and others not. That’s why the age is for the parent to decide. If teenagers are animal-friendly, then cats make excellent pets. They can be playful and entertaining, especially if people adopt a kitten. They are also relatively easy to take care for: good quality food, clean water, a clean litter box, toys and interaction with their owners for affection.

As mentioned, owning a pet helps in the development of a teenager for example learning to take responsibility for another life and experience what it means if someone depends on them. A pet also helps teenagers learning to give attention even if they are not in the mood for it.

Despite of that, how can teenagers even cover the costs of keeping a pet? Well, pets are expensive but if teenagers have a pet, they can buy cheap food or cheap toys, if they want to cover their costs. Teenagers can also spend their pocket money more for their pet or can earn some money in holidays.

To conclude, I would say teenagers should keep a pet, if they are ready to take care of it. If they care for their pet, they return the love. A pet doesn't question what kind of job the kid’s parents have or how much money they make, etc. They would love their owners if they show affection to it.

...zur Frage

Könnte jemand über meinen Essay drüber schauen?

         Every school should demand school uniform

In some countries all over the world school children have to wear uniforms the color scheme and style varies from school to school. In other countries pupils can wear to school what ever clothes they choose. In those countries it could be difficult to introduce school uniforms, because they are not traditionally used to wearing one. In the following essay I want to discuss the advantages to introduce school uniforms world wide.

In my opinion school uniforms ind schools are positive but negative too because not every student have the same style and they cant decide which school uniforms they wanted to wear.

School uniforms are on the one side good because a lot of children are victims of bullying because some of theme haven’t enough money to buy expensive and nice clothes. In this case the school uniform is very practically and maybe a good problem-solving.

On the other side pupils cant find our style and have to wear clothes that they don’t wanted. School uniforms can be nice but not every day ,It quickly becomes boring .However, there are people around the world for which it is too expensive ,always to buy a school uniform. Children grow fast and because of that they have to buy an again and again. We must take into account that the school uniform is maybe expensive but the clothes that the kids need for school is not cheaper and they have to be buy again and again, too.

On the other hand if the pupils wear school uniforms there is not a difference between rich and poor.

I have come to the conclusion that school uniforms are not everywhere positive and children should be able to develop their own style. Cause the bully is not reduced by a school uniform.

...zur Frage

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