Englisch written discussion überprüfen?

Hey Leute! Also wir sollten in Englisch eine written Discussion schreiben and ich wollte fragen ob ihr irgendwelche Fehler findet.. (Was ihr aufjedenfall tun werdet xD) Los gents: Move your body For some students, the way to school and the sport in PE lessons are their only daily exercise. But how much physical activity does a teenager need? And what role does sport play in my life?

I think students need more daily exercises because they sit at their chair for hours. And at home they make their homework and sit again on their chair. Students have to be careful with their freetime. They have to plan their day so they have enough freetime and time for exercises. I think students need hobbys like swimming, football or another physical sports. When you do sport you feel fit and healthy. If you make more sport in your freetime you will feel how you get better in PE and you are more energetic. If you don't do sport in your freetime or only daily and you eat a lot of fast food you will get unhealthy, unfit and fat. In my life sport does play a big role in my life. At least I do 2 to 3 times in the week sport and I am fit and healthy. But sometimes I don't want to do any sport because sometimes I am a couch potato.

To sum up I think students have to do more daily exercises or get a hobby.

So das war es. :D Ein großes fettes Danke an alle die sich das hier angetan haben und mir helfen. :*

Answer 1

[Merkuria87]

Hallo 2celi,

ich habe mal durch deinen Text geschaut und meine Anmerkungen markiert.

I think students need more daily exercises because they sit at their
chairs for hours. (And - keinen Satz mit "and" beginnen, das ist nicht so schön) At home they make their homework and sit again on
their chairs. Students have to be careful with their freetime/spare time. They have to plan their daily routine (so) in order to get enough spare time and to do their exercises. (they have enough freetime and time for exercises - wenn du den Satz umstellst, kannst du das hier rauslassen). I
think students need hobbies like swimming, football or (an - Plural, also nur "other") other physical sports. When you do sports you feel fit and healthy. If you do more sports in your freetime/spare time you will feel/experience how you get better in PE and you are more energetic. If you don't do sports in your freetime or on a daily basis (only daily and) you eat a lot of fast food you will get unhealthy, unfit and fat.
In my life sports do play a big role (in my life - steht schon am Anfang). At least I do it up to 2 or 3 times a week and I am fit and healthy.Sometimes I don't want to do any sports because sometimes I am a couch potato.

To sum up I think students have to do more exercises on a daily basis or get a hobby.

Ich hoffe, dass Dir das ein bisschen hilft!

Viele Grüße,

Merkuria87