Kann jmd über Zusammenfassung drüberschauen (Englisch)?

Ich habe eine Zusammenfassung zu dem ersten Kapitel von "Animal Farm" geschieben, bin mir aber bei vielen Ausdrücken nicht sicher ob das grammatikalisch so passt. Außerdem habe ich oft "after that" und andere ähnliche Satzanfänge benutzt, da mir nichts besseres einfällt. Könnte jemand über die Zusammenfassung drüberlesen? Für Verbesserungstipps wäre ich sehr dankbar!

In the first chapters Mr. Jones, the owner of Manor farm, is very drunken. After he falls asleep the animals of the farm meet in the big barn because old Major, a 12-year-old pig had a strange dream and wants to communicate it to the other animals. To the animals of the farm gehören (ich weiß nicht was das auf Englisch heißt) three dogs, pigs, hens, pigeons, pigs, cows, two cart-horses, a goat, a donkey, a brood of ducklings, Mollie, a cat and a raven. When all animals, except Moses, the tame raven, the old Major began to speak. He says that before he dies, he wants to speak to the other animals about the nature of life. First he tells that the miserables life of animals in England aren´t part of the order of nature, the only problem are the men. He also says the animals should rebell against this exploitation. Furthermore he tells that all animals are comrades and all men are enemies. After that the pig says that in fighting against man no animal must come to resemble him. Above all, all animals are equal. Then he tells the other animals about his dream. He discribes a vision of the earth without humans. Then he teaches the animals a song - "Beasts of England" - which they sing repeatedly until they awaken Mr. Jones, who fires his gun from his bedroom window, thinking there is a fox in the yard. Frightend by the shot, the animals go to sleep.

Answer 1

[AstridDerPu]

In the first chapters (Grammatik; Komma) Mr. Jones, the owner of Manor farm, is very (Wort) drunken. After he falls (Grammatik) asleep (Komma) the animals of the farm meet in the big barn because old Major, a 12-year-old pig (Komma) had a strange dream and wants to communicate it to the other animals. To the animals of the farm gehören (Dann formuliere um, z. B. Unter den Tieren auf der Farm sind) three dogs, pigs, hens, pigeons, pigs (Wiederholung), cows, two cart-horses, a goat, a donkey, a brood of ducklings, Mollie, a cat (Komma) and a raven. When all animals, except Moses, the tame raven, (Hier fehlt etwas.) (Komma) the old Major began (Grammatik) to speak. He says that before he dies, he wants to speak to the other animals about the nature of life. First he tells (Hier fehlt etwas.) that the miserables life (Grammatik) of animals in England aren´t part of the order of nature, the only problem are (---) men. He also says the animals should rebell (RS) against this (besser: Possessivpronomen) exploitation. Furthermore (Komma) he tells (Hier fehlt etwas.) that all animals are comrades and all men are (Hier fehlt ein Possessivpronomen.) enemies. After that (Komma) the pig says that in fighting against man (Grammatik) no animal must come to resemble him (Grammatik). Above all, all animals are equal. Then he tells the other animals about his dream. He discribes (RS) a vision of the earth without humans. Then he teaches the animals a song - "Beasts of England" - which they sing repeatedly until they awaken (RS/Grammatik) Mr. Jones, who fires his gun from his bedroom window, thinking there is a fox in the yard. Frightend by the shot, the animals go to sleep.

Überprüfe die Zeiten.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

Answer 2

[iwanttohelpya]

Heyy

1.Du darfst nicht die Zeitformen durcheinander bringen und denk dran, immer nur in einer Zeitform schreiben

2.Achte auf den Satzbau. Wenn du nicht anders kannst dann nimm S-P-O als Vorlage