Englisch-test-klausur überprüfen?

Hallo ich habe im Anhang die Aufgabenstellung und meine Bearbeitung einer Klausur gestellt. ich würde mich freuen wenn sich jemand die zeit nehmen würde diese zu korrigieren und mir Tipps zu geben wie ich mich verbessern kann.

Exam

1)    Summary

The article “The impact of Cyberbullying on Youth Lives” published by Sue Scheff on the Huffpost is about children who get bullied on the Internet and the impact caused by this on their lives.

Recently there was a survey about how social media impact the lives of people in the age from 13 to 24. According to that a lot of teens have experienced bullying on the internet but most of them haven’t told their parents or other reference persons. The study also said that Instagram and Snapchat are the most popular social sites for people under 25. Although Twitter and Facebook are still popular, they are slowly drifting away from the mainstream and are mostly used by adults. Many of the teens who experienced sextortion or cyberbullying are sharing less information’s on social media than before. Social media companies are also fighting against for example revenge porn. The poll also showed that most of the cyber bullying is send in text messages and not from strangers. Most of the victims are saying that the fault is on the social media platforms and that they should change something. In the end the text is asking if it is not the time that we all change our social media behavior to something better and less cruel.

2)    Cartoon Analysis

The cartoon titled “Cyber bullies” by Dave Granlund published on davegranlund.com shows an aggressive dog with the word Cyber Bullies written on him and a feared helpless dog on his computer monitor. The aggressive dog stands for cyber bullies who are always bully other people for no reason on the internet and the small dog is standing for the bullied. The massage of this text is very similar to the text because it is also against cyberbullying. The difference is that it isn’t saying the message directly, it just takes that picture and shows us what cyberbullying is.  

3)    Comment

The discussion about who should change something about cyberbullying on social media, the users, or the platforms themselves. But who’s fault, is it?

To begin with the first argument is that social media websites are not the ones saying/typing those messages so they should stop doing that for a better climate on the web. Also, it should be considered that the companies have the responsibility that their side should be clean and not full of hate. Another powerful argument is that it would be a lot easier to install filters that recognize harmful texts or videos than bring every single one of the users to being nice.

In conclusion you can say both sides should change something. The users should be more pleasant and not that aggressive, but you cannot trust on that completely so the social media companies should add some better filters and more moderators to ban that behavior from the internet.

 

Answer 1

[walkingdenial]

inhaltlich bin ich nicht die richtige person zu fragen, aber würde sagen, du hast eine super einleitung gefunden und die sachen die du geschrieben hast sind auch alle voll gut auf den text bezogen und nachvollziehbar. man kriegt immer noch bessere noten, wenn man etwas ausführlicher ist, also z.b wenn du die bedeutung des großen und des kleinen hundes beschreibst, könntest du noch so was hinzufügen wie "da große hunde allgemein gefährlich und beängstigend wirken können" und dann schreib einfach noch so ein paar sätze, die im prinzip das sagen, was du schon gesagt hast, aber mit anderen wörtern haha. z.b. schreibst du "aggressive dog stands for cyber bullies who are always bully other people for no reason on the internet and the small dog is standing for the bullied", dann schmück das noch etwas aus, schreib sowas wie "Furthermore, it shows that the victims are often helpless and feel completely powerless." denk dir einfach noch ein paar sätze aus, die ein paar (unnötige, aber von lehrern gern gesehene) details angeben.

hier jetzt grammatikalisch verbessert, wenn du fragen hast, sag bescheid.

Exam

1)    Summary

The article “The impact of Cyberbullying on Youth Lives” published by Sue Scheff on the Huffpost is about children who get bullied on the Internet and how the bullying impacts their lives.

Recently , (Komma wenn du Sätze einleitest) there was a survey about how social media impact s (he she it -s) the lives of people aged 13 to 24. According to that , (wieder Komma, siehe oben) a lot of teens have experienced bullying on the internet but most of them haven’t told their parents or any other people (Plural von person ist people, nicht persons). The study also said that Instagram and Snapchat are the most popular social sites for people under the age of 25. Although Twitter and Facebook are still popular, they are slowly becoming less mainstream and are mostly used by adults. After experiencing sextortion or cyberbullying, most teens don't share as much information (information immer Singular) on social media as before. Social media companies are also fighting against for example revenge porn. Additionally, the poll showed that most of the cyber bullying is sen t via text messages and from people the victims know. Most of the victims are saying that the social media platforms are to blame and that they should change something. In the end , the text is asking if it wasn't about time that we all change d (bei indirekter Rede benutzt man Vergangenheit) our social media behavior to something better and less cruel.

2)    Cartoon Analysis

The cartoon titled “Cyber bullies” by Dave Granlund published on davegranlund.com shows an aggressive dog with the word "Cyber Bullies " written on his body and a picture of a scared (nicht feared, feared heißt gefürchtet) helpless dog on his computer monitor. The aggressive dog stands for cyber bullies who (kein are an dieser Stelle) always bully other people for no reason on the Internet and the small dog represents the bullied. The m essage of this caricature is very similar to the text because it is against cyberbullying as well. The difference is that it isn’t saying the message directly, it just takes that picture and shows us what cyberbullying is.  (sehr guter Vergleich!! hier wäre es gut, wenn du vielleicht noch beschrieben hättest, wie der große Hund aussieht, spitze Zähne, Nietenhalsband, böser Gesichtsausdruck, und daraus dann deine Deutung abgleitet hättest und weitere Interpretationen geschrieben hättest)

3)    Comment

Cyberbullying has become a huge problem that affects many social media users and that leads to the question who should change something about it, the users, or the platforms themselves, and, moreover, whose fault it is.

The first argument is that social media websites are not the ones saying/typing those messages so they should stop doing that for a better climate on the web (hier ist mir der zusammenhang nicht klar, aber grammatikalisch alles gut). Also, it should be considered that the companies have the responsibility that their si te should be clean and not full of hate. Another powerful (sehr gut!!) argument is that it would be a lot easier to install filters that recognize harmful texts or videos than to get every single one of the users to be nice.

In conclusion , (hier wieder Komma, wenn du einen Satz "frontest") you can say both sides should change something. The users should be more pleasant and not that aggressive, but you cannot rely on that completely so the social media companies should add some better filters and more moderators to ban that behavior from the Internet.