Hallo ich schreibe am Donnerstag eine Englisch Klausur und habe deshalb diese short story über das Bild oben geschrieben zur Übung. Hätte jemand Lust sie durchzulesen und mir zu sagen was ich besser machen könnte? ( ich habe jetzt nicht auf Rechtschreibfehler geachtet aber wenn sie jemandem auffallen wäre das nett sie mir zu sagen)
I knew it was a dumb idea to play spin the bottle with them, but how could i know i would end up alone in the forest. In tears, i walked through the shadowy forest. I could`nt get the voices of my schoolmates out of my head. The forest was such noiceless that all i could hear was the laugh of my schoolmates in my head. „Oh poor baby, you wanted to kiss him,am i right?“ the voice in my head said. „Shut up!“ I screamed and run disoriented through the liveless forest. „I regretted going to this halloween party. I got such an ugly little red hood costum and my hair is such a mess, meanwhile every other girl at the party looked perfect. Why am i so dumb that i thought he would even notice me.“ i yelled at myself. I was`nt paying attention were i was going and all of sudden i fell over a rock and rolled down a hill. My head started hurting and my knee started bleeding. I was sitting shocked on the bottom of the hill and feeling dizzy. I couldnt hold it any longer, i started to cry and yelled things at myself with a trembling voice:
„I didnt expected to get lost alone in a forest after i run away from the party just because Jeremy had to kiss a girl while playing spin the bottle. Now im sitting in the middle of nowhere and got injured. Nobody is going to search for me. Im so pathetic.“
After a while i heard somebody calling my name: „Jade! Jade! Where are you?.“ I answered: „Here!“ The person was coming closer and even in the dark forest i could see it was Jeremy. He run towards to me and hugged me closely. While he was huggin me he said with a trembling voice: „I was searching you for hours. I saw you were running in the forest alone and i was worried about you.“ My heart started beating very fast. I asked him: „Why didnt you stay there with all the other girls?“
He answered in an angry voice: „Did you thought i would stay there because of them? They are talking badly about me behind my back. I wanted to go there because my friend said you would be there.“ He leaned over me and kissed me. „I know i should have asked you this before, but do you want to go on a date with me?“ he said. I was too stunned to speak. With wide open eyes i stuttered: „Y-yes“ As i wanted to stand up, he noticed my bleeding knee and said: „You are injured very bad! Why have`nt you told me? We need to stop the bleeding immidiatly! Lean on my shoulder we should walk back.“ After we reached the house Jeremy shouted: „Jade is bleeding badly we need help!“ Jeremy laid me on the sofa and all of sudden i fell asleep.
Danke, aber wäre der Satz mit überfordert nicht "The situation overwhelmes me"?