Könnte jemand meinen Englischtext korrigieren?
Dies ist mein Englischtext aus der Schule. Wir sollten jegliche Vergangenheitsformen verwenden (Past Continuous, Past Perfect Continuous, Past Perfect und Simple Past). Es würde mich sehr freuen, wenn jemand zeitliche Formen korrigiert und auch eventuell andere Fehler anmerkt. Dankeschön!
The black hole
(...) So I was standing there and waited for the photocopy. When the it came out of the photocopy machine I was confused because it wasn't the document I wanted. It was just a white paper with a black hole on it. What I thought was to put it just on the table next to me. I have been looked up for the document in the scanner, but it wasn't there. Basically ein drank a coffee. Later I put the cup to the table and it disappeared in the paper. I was just gone. There wasn't anything left in my hand. My hands went in the black hole an took the plastic cup back. Completely surprised I hold the paper in front of me and put my hand through the black hole. My hand disappeared. Nothing to see from the outside. No hand. The black hole had disappear my hand. I thought about, what i should do with this possibility and decided to put it on the vending machine and took a sneaker out of it. I could sellotape it everywhere. And that was the point, where I had have the best idea ever. What if I could sellotape it to the safe and get all the money. Luckily i went to the safe room and put the paper on the door. So I just took my hands through it and opened the door from the inside. After that I went to the safe and did my idea correctly. I took all the dollar bills out of it through the black hole. It is what i always wanted. Because I was so fascinated about my work, I went through it the inside with my whole body to get more money. Suddenly the sellotape had been dropping from the safe. I couldn't imagine, what was just happening. The dollar bills were in the outside of the safe and me in the inside. No chance to get out of here alone. Now i understood, why i shouldn't get everything I could.
Ich bedanke mich im Voraus. LG
The black hole
(...) So I was standing there, waiting for my photocopy to come out of the machine. When it finally came out, I was somewhat confused because it wasn't the document I wanted. It was just a white piece of paper with a black hole in the middle. Without thinking I put it on the table next to me. Then I looked for the document in the scanner, but it wasn't there. So I gave up on that and had a coffee. After finishing my coffee I put the cup to the table and it disappeared in the black hole. It was simply gone. There wasn't anything left in my hand. My hands went into the hole and pulled the plastic cup back. Completely surprised I held the sheet of paper paper in front of me and put my hand through again. It disappeared. Nothing could be seen from outside. No hand. The black hole had made my hand disappear.
I thought things over to find out what I should do with this possibility and decided to put the piece of paper on the vending machine to take out a bar of chocolate. It worked. I could sellotape it everywhere. And that was the point when I had the best idea ever. What if I could sellotape it to the strongroom and take all the money out? So I went to the strongroom and put the piece of paper on the door. I put my hands through it, grabbed all the dollar bills I could get and took them out through the black hole. It was easy. It is was what I had always wanted. As I was so fascinated with my work and without even noticing I went through the hole with my whole body to take even more money out.
Suddenly the sellotape dropped from the strongroom door. I couldn't imagine what was happening. The dollar bills were outside the vault and I was sitting inside. No chance to get out of here on my own. Fear was creeping up inside of me.
But what was that horrible noise? The alarm clock was ringing and I already heard my mother's voice calling me from the kitchen ...
Habe dir ein paar Stellen ein bisschen umgeschrieben. So klingt der Text für mich logischer.
Ich weiß nicht, ob du mein Ende magst ... ;-))
Insgesamt war deine Idee schon nicht schlecht. Man kann in so einer Geschichte wirklich relativ viele Zeiten unterbringen.
Korrektur: I put the cup on/onto the table
ich muss sagen das ist eine echt coole Geschichte :) vor allem wenn man es sich bildlich vorstellt :)