Kann mir jemand meinen Text sprachlich bzw. grammatikalisch korrigieren (Englisch)?

2 Antworten

Vom Fragesteller als hilfreich ausgezeichnet

I try to choose a favourite, but somehow everyone has something special, so I can't choose (Wiederholung; besser: entscheiden) one of the three.

Ben and Monica had (besser: Present; auch im folgenden Text die Zeiten entsprechend anpassen) this will to do what they always wanted to do, and no one or nothing could stop them, no matter what the cost or the circumstances.

They both had this determination and passion for a dream (---) they had wanted to pursue since their parents had left them, and this is really inspiring for me, and I find it interesting, especially because at their age (Komma) you don't see this so often in an average child, that they are ready to do anything just to realize their dream of going up North. - Vermeide solche Bandwurmsätze. Mache wenigstens 2 Sätze daraus.

Josh, on the other hand, had this protective, fatherly attitude in the story (neuer Satz)

the way he took care of both Monica and Ben fascinated me (kein Komma) because Ben and Monica must have done something to get this affection from him, or maybe Josh just saw them as his two own children, how (Wort) his children would feel alone, afraid and cold in this situation, and so he decided to play a fatherly role in this adventure. - Bitte auch den Rest in wenigstens 2 Sätze teilen.

But one thing they all had in common was a determined way of thinking, even though there may have been a few worse times where each of them had a mindset (Wendung) just to continue (neuer Satz)

and that was really interesting to me (kein Komma) because you hear and see a lot of people with dreams, and if something happens to them or gets in their way, some tend to avoid it and give up directly, (neuer Satz)

but Monica, Ben and Josh went through all that, even though they knew that it took skill, patience, courage, etc. (neuer Satz) and they went through it all for their dreams.

  • Du solltest unbedingt Bandwurmsätze vermeiden, da sie nicht nur Fehlerquellen bergen, sondern auch schnell unverständlich werden. Weniger ist manchmal mehr!
  • Schau dich mal nacht guten Satzanfängen und nach Konjunktionen zur Verbindung von Sätzen an.
  • Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

Was meinen sie immer mit (neuer Satz)

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@Ahnungsl0ss

Damit ist gemeint, dass du an dieser Stelle einen neuen Satz beginnen sollst!

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I try to choose a favourite, but somehow everyone has something special, so I can't choose one of the three. Ben and Monica are willing to do what they always wanted to do, and no one or nothing could stop them, no matter what the costs or the circumstances are. They both had this determination and passion for a dream that they had wanted to pursue since their parents had left them, and this is really inspiring to me, and I find it interesting, especially because it is not really usual for a child their age, that they are ready to do anything just to realize their dream of going up North. Josh, on the other hand, had this protective, fatherly attitude in the story, the way he took care of Monica such as Ben fascinated me, because Ben and Monica must have done something to get this affection from him, or maybe Josh just saw them as his two own children, how his children would feel alone, afraid and cold in this situation, and so he decided to play a fatherly role in this adventure. But one thing they all had in common was a determined way of thinking, even though there may have been a few worse times where each of them had a mindset just to continue, and that was really interesting to me, because you hear and see a lot of people with dreams, and if something happens to them or gets in their way, some tend to avoid it and give up directly, but Monica, Ben and Josh went through all that, even though they knew that it took skill, patience, courage, etc.they still went through it all, just to fullfill their dreams.

(Grundlegend kein schlechter Text, allerdings sind einige Sätze sehr langatmig und werden aufgrunddessen etwas unverständlich. Außerdem hatte ich den Eindruck, dass du dich öfters wiederholst! Nutze auch gerne mal he/she statt ständig die Namen zu verwenden. Ich habe jetzt nur teilweise den Satzbau etwas abgeändert, da er so manchmal verständlicher wurde. Inhaltlich überlasse ich das mit meinen Tipps dir, das ich keine Infos verfälschen möchte. Sonst toller Text; ich hoffe dir geholfen zu haben. Bin selbst noch in der Schule, doch selbst wenn noch Fehler enthalten sein sollten wird dein Lehrer Verständnis haben keine Sorge!)

Woher ich das weiß:Studium / Ausbildung

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