Ist mein Englisch Aufsatz gut?

2 Antworten

Hi.

Ich lasse jetzt mal die Fehler außen vor und sage, wie der Text auf mich wirkt.

Ich finde ihn zu monoton und stakkatohaft. Du solltest die abgehackt wirkenden kurzen Hauptsätze durch gelegentliche Nebensätze ergänzen, Übergänge schaffen, Gedanken miteinander verbinden.

Und das immer wieder wiederholte "Dream(s)" - das du mit "d" schreiben solltest, nervt sehr.

Was mir gefällt, ist der sehr persönlich wirkende "touch". Deine Zielstrebigkeit kommt hier deutlich zum Ausdruck.

Gruß, earnest


Hi SeliBaery !

Hab das ganze mal korrigiert und einwenig angepasst... bitteschön

Many other youngsters have very montone Dreams. I think everyone should follow tehir most impossible Dream, because everyone can make their Dream come true if they have the courage to follow them. My biggest Dream is also my Dream Job. Many other people have laughed about my Dream Job, because it’s something that not everybody can achieve. I want to sing on Stages and make my own Music, because singing is my passion since i was a little girl. I can sing and i did nothing else for years. I also had lessons and everyone says i have a great voice. But many People think i can never reach my Goal. They are not wrong. I cant be sure that i can reach my Dream. But i’m a fighter. I never give up before i try something. Im Standing on my own Feet and i dont care what anybody thinks of my Dreams.You should always follow your Dreams  and make them come true. Dreams are the first Step to success, It’s something that motivates you to do something you thought was impossible. I will fight and try it !

gruss

SCMG1

Wenn ich noch einmal "dream" oder "dream job" hoere, lese oder sehe, schrei' ich!

dream, job, poeple, goal, standing, music, stages, step - klein (Auseer natuerlich am Satzanfang)

I - immer gross

They are not wrong <<<- So, you are basically saying that the people are correct ;)

Was genau du verbessert hast, kann ich nicht sehen. Es sind nicht weniger Fehler drin' als vorher.

1

Kann mir jemand meinen Englisch Aufsatz korrigieren?

I am going to tell you my opinion about Teenage Millionaires. I think there are a lot of good things but also bad things about it . The good things are that you can buy everything. A big house if you want , travelings around the world and so on . Your life is good and money worry ? :,, Whats that?" . You can meet stars and your life is exciting and never boring . You are famouse and everyone knows you . As a Teenage Millionaire you can organize the largest house parties with famouse guests . And now the bad things about it . Rich people are hip and they have not much free time . Another bad point is that you don't learn to save up and the handling with money , because you have enough. The last disadvantage thing is that you have enemies they are jealous and they wont nothing good for you . Thats my opinion about Teenage Millionaires.

Ich bedanke mich schon Mal im voraus:)

...zur Frage

Dear diary! Englisch Hilfe?

Hallo ich berichte mal hilfe😅
Ich muss ein Tagebucheintrag in englisch schreib, aber ich habe keine Ahnung von Tagebucheinträgen (ich habe noch nie so etwas geschrieben).
Und dann auch noch auf englisch...
Könntet ihr vllt mal kurz drüber gucken, ist auch nicht viel, und mir sagen ob das so ok ist?

Vielen lieben Dank!!!

Dear diary.

Something strange happened today.
There was a note in my locker.
I am so afraid. there was something very bad written on it.
Who could have written that?
Who could do that?
What have I done?
that's why I do not want to have friends at THIS school.
Again and again the same!
People can be so mean. So nasty.
I can not handle this.
I do not know what to do...
Should I tell my parents or the teachers?
or maybe mia?
I am thinking too much.
No! I keep it for myself.
it does not interest somebody anyway.
Who could help me???
I just wait.
Maybe that was only a mistake. And I was not really meant...

Love Miriam

...

...zur Frage

My dream job vortrag. So ok? ilfe. v2

Ich habe schonmal so einen ähnlichen Betrag geschrieben aber ja xD Ich hab diesesmal denn Text etwas ausgeweitet weshalb ich wieder etwas hilfe benötigen könnte. Jemand könnte kurz drüber gucken und sagen obs korrekt oder falsch ist und dann auch korriegieren. Und nein ihr sollt mir meine Hausaufgaben nicht machen legendlichich unter die Arme greifen ;)

Hello ladies and gentelman, I this presentation I will tell something about my dream job. My dream job is Kindergarten teahcer. When I grow up I would like to be a kindergartem teacher because i would like to work with children, i am creative and i would like to be a member of a team. You need good marks in art, bilogy and music to be a kindergarten teacher. The soft skills that you need are sense of responsibility and ability to communicate. A kindergarten teacher works in a kindergarten. They usually works with young children, and they has to do some offiece work, too. A kindergaten teacher has to organise things, theay should be patient and teacher should have good manners. In this job, you have a five-day-week, you have varied work and its well-paid. If do you want to start a apprenticeship you need your Middel educational attainment. The apprenticeship takes 2 years. Like every job, my dream job also has disadvantages. Some disadbivantages as kindergarten teacher are that you work with childrens they can scream 8 hour long and that can be annyoing. Some advantages are you can meet difficult parents and you can teach the children some thing. All in all, I would like to work as a kindergarten teacher because there are more advantages than disadbivantages.

...zur Frage

Brauche Hilfe in Englisch! Report

Hallo! Ich muss in Englisch einen Report über meine Zukunft schreiben und dabei bin ich mir ziemlich unsicher. Ich wäre euch sehr dankbar wenn ihr mir sagen könntet was ihr davon haltet und mir eventuell über Fehler bescheid gebt. Wir mussten den Report kurz halten.

My future

Introduction:

This report aims to give you an idea of my future. I will talk about my future family, my future career and about a big dream of mine.

Family.

One of my biggest dreams is to find the love of my life and to get married one day. Another big dream of mine ist o have my own children and to be a good mother.

Career:

Honestly I have no idea what I would like to become one day. I often think about it and there are some things that I’m interested in but I’m just not sure yet. I hope that I’ll choose the right job one day which I’ll like and be happy with.

Traveling:

Traveling has always been a big dream of mine. i really hope that I’ll have a lot of opportunities for traveling in my life because I want to see as much as possible of the world.

Conclusion :

All in all I just wish for my future that I’ll be able to look back in sixty years and say that I’ve had a happy life.

...zur Frage

Was möchtest Du wissen?