Ist dieser englische Aufsatz (200 Wörter) richtig oder findet ihr noch einen Fehler?

2 Antworten

Vom Fragesteller als hilfreich ausgezeichnet

Hallo

 

Man fängt Sätze im Englischen nicht mit "Because of this..." an bzw. es klingt einfach unschön.

im 3. Abschnitt schreibst du "the pupils".... Welche???? Das the kannst du in dem Fall weglassen oder umschreiben. Auch der Anfang "For example" klingt nicht so gut. Vielleicht fällt dir da noch was Schöneres ein? Es heißt nicht "overview about", sondern "overview of".

 

Dann wieder das "the" vor teenagers weglassen. Statt "future job" würde ich lieber "...not a good job for future" schreiben.

 

Letzter Absatz: "Another negative aspect (ohne das "s")" und das Komma und "the" kommen weg. Bei weeks brauchst du kein "´" und es heißt nur "useful".

 

Quelle: bin gelernte Fremdsprachensekretärin für Englisch und Spanisch :-)

Ansonsten hört sich das Aufsatz schön flüssig an und du hast die Sätze gut verbunden.  

 

Liebe Grüße

 

 

 

Vielen Dank!!!

war ein Übungsaufsatz für die Arbeit ...

0

Because of this I will comment - I'm going to comment( weil `will´heißt es ist unsicher, aber du wirst es sicher machen!)

has positive such as negative aspects.- has positives and also negatives

Und wenn du "on the other hand " benutzt, musst du vorher on the one hand benutzt ahben. 

Sonst ist alles spitze!:)

will ist doch Futur, ich werde, oder nicht?

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Was könnte ich in dem Aufsatz ,,My dream job" noch schreiben?

Hallo leute, ich habe einen Aufsatz auf englisch geschrieben der über mein Traumberuf handelt. Ich muss 15 Sätze haben aber ich habe nur 11 Sätze. Kann mir jemand helfen noch 4 Sätze dazu zuschreiben? Ich bin übrigens 14 und habe sicher irgendwo fehler in dem Text!

My dream job:

I'd like to become a primary school teacher. There are postitive and negative aspects in the job. The job is well paid and you have breaks during the lessons. The good thing about the job is that it is not dangerous at work. One thing else is that you have long summer holidays. You don't work on the weekend and you have fixed working hours, however, the job has also negative aspects. The bad thing about this job is that you have stress and that you have to have patient. In the class are sometimes disrespectful pupils and they don't listent to you. That's why it may be that there is noise in the class. At home you have to control the homework of the pupils and have stress because you have to work quickly. A big problem for me is to get up early. But if you want to become that job, you will get used to it.

Ich weiß da sind Fehler drinnen aber ich bin kein Profi! Kann mir also bitte jemand helfen noch 4 Sätze zu schreiben?

Danke an die Leute die das durchgelesen haben und mir antworten :)

...zur Frage

BRAUCHE DRINGEND HILFE - ENGLISCH TEXT SCHREIBEN!

hey leute, morgen muss ich eine englisch haussaufgabe abgeben und zwar geht es um written a discussion ( über Boot Camps - Erziehungslager). Ich hab schon ein ganzen text geschrieben bin mir aber sicher das ich fehler hab. Könntet ihr mir da ein wenig helfen.

Boot camps are a type of military school for teenagers. Teenagers who are commit a crime sent to boot camps to learn disciplin and straighten their lives up. A boot camp look like a prison and there is nothing personal in the rooms. First ,some people say that teenagers really need to go to a boot camp, because they learn discipline. Second ,you have to learn to follow the rules if you want to do well. That´s why they hadn´t to go to prison and so they have better chances to get a job for their lives. But in my opinion Boot camps shouldn´t be introduced in Germany, because discipline doesn´t change a person. I think people have to learn how to think for themselves, not learn how to follow rules. That´s why i think boot camps doesn´t work. After looking at both sides i think if a teenager want to change their life they will do , but not when they are forced to.

...zur Frage

Realschule Klasse 10 Argumentation in Englisch. Verbesserunsvorschläge?

Wir schreiben morgen eine Arbeit und in dieser Arbeit kommt auch das Thema Argumentation vor. Unsere Lehrerin hat uns ein Thema gegeben an dem wir üben können. Es wär nett, wenn ihr mir Verbesserungsvorschläge geben könntet. Danke!

Should pupils be allowed to use the internet in every lession?

Nowadays, every pupil has a mobile phone with access to the internet. Mostly they use their mobile to access social sites like facebook and so on. But should it be allowed to use them every lesson?

To begin with , mobile phones with internet access could be useful in lessons. You could for example download an app for translation to learn better . You could find the translations oft he word in less than 30 seconds. That would be a good exchange for a translation book.

Furthermore you could use it as a information finder, for example if you dont unterstand something in the lesson, you can look yourself in the internet instead of asking the teacher. That would be very good because no one would disturb the lesson anymore.

At the other hand pupils could go on social sites and chat with their friends instead of learning or do research with their mobile phones. That wouldn’t be controllable because you can’t control every mobile before they fastly change the website.

Furthermore probably many pupils couldn’t concentrate at the lesson anymore because they could do what they want in the internet. They wouldn’t pay attention at the teacher and what he/she is teaching.

There are many positive and negative aspects about that topic. But I would say that it shouldn’t be allowed. It is good how it is now and it shouldn’t change.

Verbesserungsvorschläge bitte. Danke!

...zur Frage

Morgen mündliche Englisch Realschulprüfung, Text Korrektur

Hallo, ich habe morgen meine mündliche Realschulprüfung. Wir haben heute die Aufgabe für die Kurzpresentation(2-3min.) bekommen und wollte eure Meinung wissen. Es geht um ,,My Dream Job,, Hier ist der Text: My dream job Now I will tell you something about my dream job. My dream is to be a police officer because the uniform gives me strength. When I was a child I always wanted to arrest criminals to secure the city. I had three weeks internship at the police station and it was very interesting. So I can imagine to work as a cop. There are many departments in this job. Once the police protection, second the criminal police and finally the district police. The police protection has many interesting activities. They are called to inserts, to traffic accidents but anyway it is very dangerous because they arrest criminals. The criminal police is also an interesting department. They consult witnesses, they consult victims of crime, write reports and they are civil. That’s very important so they are not recognized by the criminals. The district police is something for older cops because they don’t have much action. They attend schools and speak with the pupils. That is not a thing for me. I want to work more at the police protection because it is very interesting. In this job you can earn about 2000 € a month. But it also can increase. That was my presentation about my dream job.

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Kann jemand meinen englisch Text durchgehen? 8. Klasse :)

Hey. Muss den Text morgen abgeben, wäre nett wenn jemand noch mal kontrollieren könnte :/ Grades from Students to teachers Should students be allowed to give their teachers grades? It's just fair when students give their teachers grades, because teachers give students grades, too. When teachers get grades from the students, they could see how the students think about them. A disadvantage is, that the students do not know enough about teachers' work. Also some students would evaluate teachers they dont like intentionally bad, because they arent able to be objective. But I'm still thinking that students should be allowed to give their teachers grades. The teachers could improve and the students would be happier. Sooo das wars.. Habt ihr vllt noch Ergänzungen? Weitere (gegen)argumente? Sind bis jetzt leider nur 100 / 150 Wörtern .. Danke :))

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Outsourcing - Globalisation

Hallo meine Lieben,

habe einen Text im Bezug auf Outsourcing geschrieben. Fällt euch im Bezug auf Globalised Outsourcing noch etwas ein ? Und bitte seid so lieb und korrigiert den Text falls möglich :) Danke schonmal :)

Outsourcing is the act of one company contracting with another company to provide services that might otherwise be performed by in-house employees. Often the tasks that are outsourced could be performed by the company itself, but in many cases there are financial advantages that come from outsourcing. Many large companies now outsource jobs such as call center services, e-mail services, and payroll.

There are many reasons that companies outsource various jobs, but the most prominent advantage seems to be the fact that it often saves money. Many of the companies that provide outsourcing services are able to do the work for considerably less money, as they don't have to provide benefits to their workers and have fewer overhead expenses to worry about. Depending on location, it may also be more affordable to outsource to companies located in different countries.

Positive Aspects

• Some people can move easily from country to country. • Many people who dont have a good education get the opportunity to get better jobs. • Companies can produce their products much cheaper and outsource their production into other countries.

Negativ Aspects

• Many people who have a good education lose their jobs because they are more expensive than guest workers from developing countries. • Traditions as well as culture get lost. • There is no high living standard anymore.

...zur Frage

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