Hallo könntet ihr mir bitte Tipps zu meinem Text geben ich bin noch nicht ganz fertig und mein Englisch ist auch nicht das beste?

... komplette Frage anzeigen

3 Antworten

Coca cola (RS) History

My Topic(RS) is about Coca Cola (Punkt)

First (Komma) I will tell you something about the history of coca cola (RS) (Punkt) After that (Komma) I am going over to the biography of John Pemberton, the Recipe of Coca Cola and at (Präposition) the end I am going to tell you something about the music of Coca Cola (Punkt)

At the end of the 19th century (Komma) the chemist John Pemberton mixed a brown syrup from (Präposition) the Coca plant and the Cola nut. (kein neuer Satz) He wanted to use as a medicine against headache and tiredness. But soon he found out that it becomes (Zeit) a tasty refreshing soft drink if you add (Zeit) water. Mr. Pemberton did not have the money to produce the drink alone, so he asked his friend Frank Robinson (Komma) who owned a bottle shop just down the street (Komma) to become his partner. Robinson invented the name Coca Cola and he also designed the famous logo (Komma) which is still used today. However, sales weren’t good and they needed money, so they sold the company to Asa Candler, a businessperson (RS; Wort) from Atlanta.

Candler had three goals for his new company: First: Everybody should be able to pay for the drink. Second: Everybody should be able to buy Coca Cola everywhere in the United States of America Third: Coca Cola should become a part of everyday life.

For that reason (Komma) Candler’s company opened syrup factories all over the USA. After the First World War, the Candler family sold the Coca Cola company for 25 million dollars to a banker from Atlanta called Ernest Woodruff. His goal was to turn Coca Cola into an international product. In Germany (Komma) the first Coca cola bottle was filled up in the main factory in Essen in 1925 (Komma) and by the end of the 1930s (Komma) Coca Cola bottlers were operating in more than 45 countries. Woodruff also advertised the Coca Cola image and its “secret formula”. He made a public show where he put the handwritten copy of Pemberton’s original formula in a bank safe.

Biography of John Pemberton

John S. Pemberton was born in 1831 in the town of Knoxville, Georgia (Ort vor Zeit). He attended pharmacy school, and owned a drugstore in Columbus, Georgia. He fought for the confederacy (RS) during the Civil War, where he became addicted to morphine after being wounded. After the war (Komma) Pemberton moved to Atlanta. He was addicted to morphine and so he was searching (Zeit) for an alternative. Pemberton knew much about plants and was very interested in the coca-shrub and the kola nut. John Pemberton died in 1888 at the age of 57.

Recipe

Coca Cola is a mixture of water, sugar, carbon dioxide, food coloring (= AE; BE = colouring) , citric acid, phosphoric acid, flavor (= AE; BE = flavour) , caffeine and a secret ingredient. Only a few people know the secret ingredient.

They (Wer?) were not allowed to travel together, so that in case of a car, train or airplane crash, the formula would not be lost. The secret ingredient is located in a safe in the World-of -Coca-Cola Museum in Atlanta.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

:-) AstridDerPu

Antwort bewerten Vielen Dank für Deine Bewertung
Kommentar von mamasprinzzzes
14.11.2015, 22:52

Und wie ist der so inhaltlich also ist der Text verständlich?

0

Coca cola History
My Topic is about Coca Cola, First I will tell you something about the history of coca cola. After that I am going over to the biography of John Pemberton, the Recipe of Coca Cola and in the end I am going to tell you something about the music of Coca Cola.
At the end of the 19th century the chemist John Pemberton mixed a brown syrup from the Coca plant and the Cola nut. He wanted to use this as a medicine against headache and tiredness. But soon he found out that it becomes a tasty refreshing soft drink if you add water. Mr. Pemberton did not have enough money to produce the drink alone, so he asked his friend Frank Robinson who owned a bottle shop just down the street to become his partner. Robinson invented the name Coca Cola and he also designed the famous logo which is already User today. However, sales weren’t good and they needed money, so they sold the company to Asa Candler, a businessperson from Atlanta.
Candler has three goals for his new company; First: Everybody should be able to pay for the drink. Second: Everybody should be able to buy Coca Cola everywhere in the United States of America Third: Coca Cola should become a part of everyday life.
For that reason Candler’s company opened syrup factories all over the USA. After the First World War, the Candler family sold the Coca Cola company for 25 million dollars to a banker from Atlanta he's called Ernest Woodruff. His goal was to turn Coca Cola into an international product. In Germany the first Coca cola bottle was filled up in the main factory in Essen in 1925 and by the end of the 1930s Coca Cola bottlers were operating in more than 45 countries. Woodruff also advertised the Coca Cola image and its “secret formula”. He made a public show where he put the handwritten copy of Pemberton’s original formula in a bank safe.
Biography of John Pemberton John S. Pemberton was born in 1831 in the town of Knoxville, Georgia. He attended pharmacy school, and owned a drugstore in Columbus, Georgia. He fought for the confederacy during the Civil War, where he became addicted to morphine after being wounded. After the war Pemberton moved to Atlanta. He was addicted to morphine and so he was searching for an alternative. Pemberton knew much about plants and was very interested in the coca-shrub and the kola nut. John Pemberton died in 1888 at the age of 57. Recipe Coca Cola is a mixture of water, sugar, carbon dioxide, food coloring, citric acid, phosphoric acid, flavor, caffeine and a secret ingredient. Only a few people know the secret ingredient. They were not allowed to travel together, so that in case of a car, train or airplane crash, the formula would not be lost. The secret ingredient is located in a safe in the World-of -Coca-Cola Museum in Atlanta.

2 Fehler hab ich in der Grammatik gefunden aber sonst gut und auch leicht verständlich ^^ (ich bin aber kein vollprofi also ohne gewähr😁)

Antwort bewerten Vielen Dank für Deine Bewertung
Kommentar von Helfenbitte1235
14.11.2015, 15:28

Hab vergessen, beim zweiten Absatz heißt es am Anfang nicht "at the end" sondern "in the end"

0

Hallo :) 
Also, ich finde es eigentlich ziemlich gut, abgesehen von ein paar kleinen Fehlern: 

1. Du schreibst manchmal Coca Cola klein, was natürlich nicht sein darf, weil es ein Name ist. 

2.  Du vergisst sehr oft einen Punk zu schreiben. 

3. An der einen Stelle (wo du kurz von der Rezeptur schreibst) scheibst du "... add....." aber es ist (glaub ich) "... added...." 

4. Am Anfang schreibst du viel zu oft "I". Versuch es ohne das "I". Etwas so:
You will now read a little about the History of Coca Cola, at first I will present you the idea, then the music...." etc. 

Hoffe, ich konnte dir helfen! 

Antwort bewerten Vielen Dank für Deine Bewertung
Kommentar von Maelynn123
14.11.2015, 15:22

De Stelle war: 

".... if you add water." und es ist eigentlich: 
"... if you added water."

0

Was möchtest Du wissen?