Habe ich diesen Text in korrektem Englisch geschrieben?

... komplette Frage anzeigen

4 Antworten

Hey! Ich habe mir die Freiheit genommen, den Text zu kopieren und direkt so zu korrigieren. Mein englischer Hintergrund: Ich bin bilingual und schreibe nur auf englisch. (Level C2-3 falls dir das wichtig ist) 

 Their noses were smaller, their ears were bigger, and they had a tail.
It looks like they're Neko's.
Six days before...
(narrator switch)
„Dani, wake up!“ Donovan's girlfriend opens her eyes and looks around. „What is happening?“ „I don't know, but this isn't our tent...“ Donovan and my girlfriend are missing and we are in a dark room with only one door. I try to open this door, but the key is missing. „What now?“, asks Dani. I shrug my shoulders (für Schultern zucken, falls du das gemeint hast) and I sit down on the ground (in einem Zelt). 3 days later the door is opened and a woman, looking about 20 years old, comes in. „Good morning, I'm sorry you had to wait, but experiment neko was open and our testobjects died.“
„What is a Neko?“
„A Neko is a human with cat's eyes, cat's ears and a cat's tail.“
„You mean the things in mangas and animes?“
„Yes. But since a few weeks Nekos are real.“
„Who were those testobjects?“
„There were five people. Micah, Manuel, Patrick, Dado and Frederik.“
(Notice behind the Story: if you know these people: I'm just a normal fan and NOT a fangirl. I just used the names of the Freedom Squad and the old Freedom-gamer)
„And... why are we here? Where are Donovan and Ruby?“ The women laughs like a psycho and comes closer to me: „Your little friends are Inus and you two will be Nekos.“
Inu? Inu is the japanese word of dog. „Inus? Are they dogs?“
„No, they are Nekos, just with dog signs.“
This woman is a psychopath!
„Uhm... where is Dani?“ At the same moment I hear a shout from my friend. „If she's strong enough, you can see Dani tomorrow again. If not... you know what happens then.“
One day later Dani comes back and I go through the same procedure like her. It's terrible and makes my head hurt … Donovan and my girlfriend both look like half a dog! They show us how to live as a cat or a dog. How to sleep like them, how to eat like them, how to wash ourselves like them.
Back in the future
And now? Our tents and our stuff are at our first night-sleeping-place. We all go hand in hand and we can't speak. Just the cat (or dog) language come out of our mouths.
We aren't the same four people …


Ich habe gesehen, dass jemand geschrieben hat, dass du das in der Vergangenheit schreiben musst. Das stimmt nicht, weil du die Zeit fest gesetzt hast am Anfang. (Sechs Tage zuvor ist also jetzt)

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Kommentar von harzerbahn
19.10.2016, 21:17

danke dir *-* :D

0

The nose of them was... ... the ears of them were bigger...

... Donovan's girlfriend opens her eyes...

... "What now?", asks ...

... 20 years old, came in... "I'm sorry you must wait, but..."...

... cat eyes, cat ears, cat tail

... "Who were these test objects?"...

... There were five people, ...

... if you know these people...

... you know what is then...

... One day later Dani comes back....

... Donovan and my girlfriend look like...

... How to sleep like them... eat like them ... wash like them...

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Kommentar von harzerbahn
19.10.2016, 21:17

omg danke :D

1

Da wende Dich am besten an Deinen Nachhilfelehrer.

Der bekommt Geld dafür.

Ich nicht.

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Kommentar von harzerbahn
19.10.2016, 21:16

ich habe keinen nachhilfelehrer

aber aus prinzip sage ich das was ich so ziemlich immer sage:

trotzdem danke

0

habe mir zwar nicht alles durchgelesen aber da es " 6 tage vorher " passiert ist musst du immer die Vergangenheit benutzen (-ed) bzw die unregelmäßige form des verbs. Hab da schon einige fehler gesehen.


„That was five people. Micha Manuel, Patrick, Dado and Frederik“

da muss " There were " hin , sind ja auch mehrere.( glaube ich )


Hoffe ich konnte dir helfen

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