Guided Writing 10. Klasse verbessern

1 Antwort

Dear Sir or Madam,

Last week I booked one of your professional photographers for my dad´s birthday party. Unfortunately, I am writing to complain about this man because he did not do a good job. My dad had his 60th birthday last Saturday. We celebrated (---) with 50 relatives and good friends in a restaurant in Vilsbiburg. The room was decorated and we prepared (Zeit) delicious food and drinks.. It was a big day for my dad and so we decided (Zeit) to hire a professional photographer. But this was a big fault. First he came too late and some of our guests went home before his arrival.

In diesem Abschnitt solltest du auch die Zeiten Past Simple / Past Perfect noch einmal überprüfen.

In addition, the photographer was very angry and unfriendly to our guests. He told the older people off when they didn´t look at him instantly when (Wiederholg) he wanted to take a photo. But he didn´t (Kurzformen wie diese haben in einem Beschwerdebrief nichts zu suchen.) want to take a photo when I asked him to do it. Although he shot many photos, none of them was good. They all were blurred. Moreover (---) he wasn´t (s.o.) there (Ausdruck) at the beginning of the party (Wiederholg.) I had to take photos by my own.

If I hadn´t taken the photos, I wouldn´t have had a photo with all our guests on it. You promise (Zeit) in your advertisement (Word Order) that we can (Zeit) relax and enjoy the party but it was very stressful and demanding.

Finally Komma we don´t (s.o.) want this photos just for memory. My dad´s brother lives (Zeit) at the moment in America (Ort vor Zeit). He couldn´t have been (Zeit) here for the party and he asked us to send him a photobook. For this reason we also hired one of your man, but I had to take the photos from my camera.

Could you please tell me kein Komma what went wrong? (Stil)
I´m (s.o.) sure you will understand that I won´t (s.o.) pay for anything.

Thank you in advance for your answer. (Word Order)

Yours faithfully Komma (Da du hinter der Grußformel ein Komma gesetzt hast, musst du auch hinter der Schlussformel ein Komma setzen.)

xxx

  • Dem Brief fehlen Absätze.
  • Ich finde den Brief bzw. den Stil zu informell.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

AstridDerPu

Englisch Hausaufgaben korrigieren?

Hallo, kann mir jemand diese Hausaufgabe grammatikalisch und auch sinnvoll zu korrigieren? Bin nicht so gut in englisch. Es geht darum, warum Literatur wichtig ist.

The literature is very important to me as it tells an exciting story. It lets me immerse myself in the inner world of other people and understand them better. With literature I can reveal my character, my wishes and all my dreams to others. It shows my different character facades, makes clear in which way I think and helps me through tough times. I can write down all my feelings with the literature. Literature is a way to talk about things that you really can not talk about. My private life is in good hands in the poems. Writing you relieves me. A literary story helps you to switch off and come down. Through the poems we read in the classroom, I realized that life is far too short to waste time on things you do not enjoy. You should live every single day as if it were your last.

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Brief an die Gasteltern

Hallo ihr Lieben =) Also ich werde im Sommer ein Jahr in die USA fliegen.. Nun muss ich einen Brief an meine noch unbekannte Gastfamilie schreiben.. Es wäre nett wenn sich da mal jemand durchkämpfen könnte und mich in Sachen Sprache und Zeichensetzung verbessern könnte.. Danke schon mal im Voraus.

Dear Hostfamily,

first of all I wanna thank you for reading this letter and more so that you decided to welcome an exchange student (maybe even me?) in your family. I think you already read the main informations about me, but now I wanna show you some details about my family, my friends and especially about myself. I live with my mum, brother, stepfather and grandmother (she lives in a different part) together in a new house, ´cause we relocated last summer as a big firm bought our old farmhouse. My family is very awesome, we spending a lot of time together for playing games or cooking, but we also help each other, e.g. I work in mum´s shop or clean parts of the house, therefore mum helps me doing my homework or she drives my to my friends when it raining outside. Mostly I do these things alone, ´cause than I´m independent and mum isn’t stressed. My brother is a Sweetheart (sometimes), like every brother I think. Sometimes he´s a pain in the neck and I have to be a kind of a second mum for him, ´cause he is doing crazy things betimes. My parents don´t live together since I´m two years old. They have separated, but I still by communicating with my dad, he lives 25 miles away and we see us nearly every second week, he is the best father you could have.

The second most important thing of my life are my friends. I´m not someone who say that she has 15 friends, no I can´t say that, ´cause a friend is someone who knows everything about you and helps you in every situation. These points perform only two people, my friends Mats and Theda. Sure I have many acquaintances, and we doing many funny things, like sports or games, together but the friendship between Mats and Theda to me is very special.

Let´s talk about myself.. I have a gift for sports, at age six I played for one year handball, at nine I start to play soccer for five years and I was very very good. Since one year volleyball, with Theda. I love it to test new activities, therefore I was two times in a baseball camp with German and American members. And I´ve done a walk by stages of 43 miles, which called “Ossiloop”, what means East Frisian Walk. If someone ask me if could help them e.g. by distribute the newspaper, help in doing the homework or any other things you can expect in nine times out of ten a yes of me. You can have a lot of fun with me but also talking about serious things. I really hope to find a family, who prepared to welcome me to their home for ten months. This family would help to fulfil my greatest dream. Thank you very much for having taken the time to read my letter. I very much hope to hear from you and look forward to meeting you in the near future in your home.

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Könnte mir jemand bitte diesen englisch aufsatz korrigieren?

My Name is Clemens and I was on holiday in Tirol in Kufstein. Kufstein is a very popular and little village with a lake. You can do many things there, for example you can go swimming to the lake, that’s called Hinterthiersee. The Hinterthiersee is one of the most beautiful lakes that I’ve ever seen. As Result we stayed in Kufstein for 4 nights. Nearly every Day we went mountain walking. On the third day we couldn’t go walking, because the weather was really bad. On the Top of every mountain we had lunch and i have to say that it was always really really tasty. For the rest of my holiday I stayed at home, watched some movies and learned something for the next school year. I also met with friends and we went for lunch or we went dancing into a disco or we went to the cinema. I always watched action movies because this is the type of movie that i like. At the End of my Holiday I went with a good friend of mine to the so called Attersee. There we met a good girlfriend and we went sailing with her. I also tried surfing but I can’t do it so well, like 3 years ago, when i learned surfing at the Millstätter See. The Attersee was very beautiful at that day and i swam the whole day.

As result i have to say that my holiday was really relaxing and cool!

Clemens Wolfmair

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Wie findet ihr diesen englischen Aufsatz?

Hallo Community! Mich würde interessieren, was ihr vom folgenden englischen Aufsatz haltet. Bitte sagt eure ehrliche Meinung und es wäre auch nett, wenn ihr meine Fehler verbessern könntet:

Essay: The best holiday

Last year my whole family went to Turkey. First it was a little bit stressful because we had to pack our bags and everyone forgot something. A few minutes before we went to airport, our car hadn’t work. So all were very angry. My mum asked in a sad way: „What should we do now? I want to go to holiday! I don’t believe that. Every time when we want to go abroad, there are always some problems!“ Of course we repaired the car fast and my mum felt relieved. We were late because of the problem with the car, so we were in a hurry. Finally we sat in the plane and were very happy. „Now we are flying to Turkey and in a few hours we will lie at the beach! I’m so glad!“ I proclaimed. Ten hours later we arrived at the hotel area. I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was so beautiful. The sun shone hot and everywhere I could see palms. And I was able to hear the sound of the sea. My whole family smiled and was happy. „It’s so nice here, I don’t want to go back home!“ continued my father. First we considered our hotel and after we had unpacked our bags in our hotel room, we all enjoyed a nice cocktail. Of course we also went to the beach to go swimming in the waves of the sea. Every day we lied outside in the sun and relaxed. The holiday went on very fast, so on the last day of our trip to Turkey, we were very disappointed because we had to leave this nice place again. „I want to stay here. It was a wonderful idea to go to Turkey!“ my sister claimed. After the last day of our trip, we agreed that this was the best holiday we ever had, although there was a little problem at the beginning of our holidays. My whole family enjoyed themselves at the seaside and I’m sure we will spend our holiday here in Turkey again!

PS: Ich gehe in die 7. Klasse (falls es jemanden interessiert)

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