Englische selbstgeschriebene Geschichte nach Fehlern suchen?

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This story is about a neighbor (= AE; BE = neighbour) boy, who was a bit strange. I dont (RS) even knew (Grammar) his name, but I knew that he knew my name – everybody knew (Und jetzt kennen sie deinen Namen nicht mehr?) my name.

My name was (Warum schreibst du über dich in der Vergangenheit?) Patricia, I was fourteen years old and I was beautyful (RS) . That was what other guys and my parents said over (Präposition) me, every day. Probaly (RS) they liked my black hair, clear skin and my lips, which were red and full. Always I had (Word Order) a slight flush beneath my cheekbones and this (Hier fehlt etwas.) purely naturaly (RS; Wortart) . I was appealing (Wortart) thin, my hips were slight (Wort) and the bones of my wrists and ankles small. My mother liked to support my beauty. This was why we went every saturday (RS)  to our hair-dresser. (Satzstellung)

One saturday (RS) when we came home and I had my hair done in a high Italian style, the strange boy, who lived next to our house, waited for me. He sat in our living room (Komma) but he said nothing. I though (RS) I could see how sweat formed on is forehead. He just stared at me and went. Although I never knew his name (Komma) we were playing (Zeit) Auction 45’s in my living room some weeks before. While playing he put (Zeit) a card right down on my knee as (da, weil) I sat close to him. It was so unexpected that I said: „Don’t impose (Ausdruck) .“

Few weeks before the Spring Dance, we were talking again. And although I had never done hopes (RS), he asked me to go to the dance with him. I don’t knew (Grammar; Zeit) how he gets (Zeit) the idea that I would go out with him, so i (RS) (---) ignored his question. But he has not let up (Zeit; Wort) and asked again. I blushed because I didn’t wanted (Grammar) to be mean, but said anyway: „If I go with anyone, it won’t be with you.“ He anwsered: „I see“ and left. Since this (Wort) day (Komma) I saw (Zeit) him going to his woodshed nearly every day. I wondered what he was doing there until my father told me that he struck on (Ausdruck) a punching bag. He changed from day to day and gets (Zeit) into condition (Ausdruck) . I slowly began to regret not to go (Zeit) with him to the ball (Word Order) .

- Die Zeiten musst du unbedingt noch einmal überprüfen, da nicht ganz klar wird, was in der Vergangenheit, in der Vorvergangenheit und in der Gegenwart passiert/e. Und warum schreibst du über dich selbst in der Vergangenheit?

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

AstridDerPu

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Kommentar von AstridDerPu
09.11.2015, 22:22

Schön, dass dir meine Antwort gefallen hat und danke für das Sternchen!

AstridDerPu

0

Warum stellst du dasselbe mittels Zweitaccount nochmal rein? Geduld! Du weißt schon, dass du jetzt wahrscheinlich ausgeschlossen wirst?

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