Englisch Tagebucheintrag - bitte lesen!
Hallo Gutefrage.net Mitglieder, ich soll in Englisch einen Tagebucheintrag über ein bestimmtes Thema verfassen. Ich bin damit fertig, doch ich würde mich freuen, wenn ihr noch einmal Korrektur lesen könnt. Es geht mir dabei nicht um den Inhalt, sondern ob ihr die Sprache noch mal durchchecken könnt:
The school today was tiring again. Math was boring and in chemistry we have done just theory, but the highlight was the class of Mr. Neck! Ever since this moment I’m seriously thinking about "integration", but in advance how it happened:
Mr. Neck was very aggressive and angry in the beginning of the class. First, I thought it won’t be good and later I was right. He wrote "integration" on the blackboard and told us that his son doesn’t get a job. He argued that the integration of foreigners is to blame and that the foreigners take away the jobs, which were intended for the Americans. Although he wanted to start a debate, but any attempt to say the personal opinion, failed by the stubbornness of Mr. Neck. David, an otherwise quiet guy in my class, got up and gave Mr. Neck a lecture on "free speech". I looked at Mr. Neck as he was angrier than ever, but David didn’t stop and went demonstratively out of the class. Mr. Neck was about to explode - just brilliant!
Now you'd have to understand why I'm so thoughtful! My opinion on the theme would be really clear: Everyone is equal! Also, as I've seen today, it is apparently not obvious to everyone, that every person has the freedom to express his opinion. Mr. Neck will be stupid if he says that foreigners are bad for America. As headmaster, I surely resigned him already!
See you around, diary!
Danke schon mal im Vorraus!
Zunächst einmal bitte, bitte für die Zukunft: "im Voraus" mit EINEM r schreiben.
in chemistry we only did theory ----** Mr Neck's class** ----- Since that class (** that** moment )** I have been thinking** about .. , but first of all here is what happened.---
at the beginning of ... ---- ** From the beginning I knew the lesson wouldn't be good** ---- on the** board ** ("blackboard" sagt niemand mehr) --- ... of foreigners was to blame(zumindest im brit. Englisch muss "was" stehen) --- take away jobs from the Americans ---- ** Also** (Moreover), he wanted.... ---- (Kommt darauf an, ob Du "obwohl" oder "auch" meinst. Meinst Du "obwohl", dann muss das "but" weg) --- ... failed because of Mr. Neck's stubborness---- . David, usually a quiet boy .... but left the classroom demonstratively. ----- You are wondering why I'm so.... My opinion on ...** is** absolutely clear: .. ---- ... everyone that .... (kein Komma!) ---- Mr Neck must be stupid if ... ---- If I were his headmaster I would have dismissed/fired him already.
Wow - ein gewaltiges Stück Arbeit, diese Korrektur!
Your diary entry looks very nice to me (as a native speaker i think my opinion should be considered!); the only thing i would like to point out is, that when i first read the text, i thought of "integration" as the mathematical concept, not the sociological. Maybe you should clarify.