Englisch Kurzgeschichte verbessern?

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Birthday and Death Day

It was the (wird nur gesprochen, nicht geschrieben) 11 th of (wird nur gesprochen, nicht geschrieben) semptember (RS), a normal day, I thought.

Okay (Komma) not for John, my husband, because it was historischen birthday. On This Day (RS) he was a bit irritable (Wort, kein Komma) because he had to work in the World Trade Centre. If I had known that something really horrible Happyend at that time (Komma) I neuer would have let him go (to work).

I had an unpleasant feeling, but at that time I didn't know why....

7:45- John was going to (---) work , my chillen (Wort, RS) were going to school and I was staying at home. (Zeit)

This unpleasant feeling , it was really strange and it didn't get out of  (Ausdruck) my mind. Something in my head said that I have (Zeit) to go to the WTC to look After  (Wort, RS) John. I thought I'm (Zeit) crazy but today (Wort) I'm (Zeit) dumbfounded (kein Komma) because my mind was right (Wort). Because (Wort) I didn't lost (Grammar) this strange feeling, I went to the Shopping Centre near the WTC.  -Somewhat distraction wont do an (Wort, RS) harm- I thought.

I was walking across the street while (RS) I saw a plane in the air. Suddendly (RS) I realized that the plane was flying towards the WTC. I was shocked. Then a loud noise resounded and (---) people were screaming and shouting (kein Komma) because the plane crashed (Zeit) into the WTC.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de.

:-) AstridDerPu

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Kommentar von Fragmina
23.08.2015, 22:43

Danke und tut mir Leid für die komischen Rechtschreibfehler mein Handy und die Autokorrektur 😒

0

. Da ja nun Ferien sind und kein Lehrer mein Text verbessern könnte habe ich mir gedacht , dass vielleicht jemand von euch meinen Text verbessern könnte.

Wäre sehr nett ! 

Birthday and Death Day It was the 11 th of semptember, a normal day, I thought. Okay not for John, my husband, because it was historischen birthday. On This Day he was a bit irritable ,because he had to work in the World Trade Centre. If I had known that something really horrible Happyend at that time I neuer would have let him go (to work). I had an unpleasant feeling, but at that time I didn't know why.... 7:45- John was going to his work, my chillen were going to school and I was staying at home. This unpleasant feeling , it was really strange and it didn't get out of my mind. Something in my head said that I have to go to the WTC to look After John.I thought I'm crazy but today I'm dumbfounded, because my mind was right. Because I didn't lost this strange feeling,I went to the Shopping Centre near the WTC.  -Somewhat distraction wont do an harm- I thought. I was walking across the street while I saw a plane in the air. Suddendly I realized that the plane was flying towards the WTC. I was shocked.  Then a loud noise resounded and the people were screaming and shouting, because the plane crashed into the WTC. ...... So das ist jetzt mal der Anfang meiner Short Story.  Danke schonmal  
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