Hat jemand Verbesserungsvorschläge für meine Englisch Charakterisierung?

1 Antwort

Hallo,

hier meine Korrekturen nach einem ersten, flüchtigen Durchlesen:

In the following I'm going to characterize Tommy, the protagonist of the story 'Bread on the water' by David Lubar, which deals with the topic of making a difference.

Tommy is a boy going to church with his parents, where he is sitting in the back with his best friend Andy. He isn't really interested in the sermon, he even says things like 'we're doomed' about it, but when Andy starts to behave badly, he gets quite nervous, looks around whether or not people are watching them and regrets to be sitting there. He's quite egoistic and not very matey with Andy, which becomes apparent when he insists on not having done anything to assistant Pastor John**, who** banishes both of them from church. Even while leaving, Andy doesn't stop looking around if somebody has seen them. All that makes me think about his reasons for a behaviour like this - is he just scared of getting into trouble with his parents or doesn't he want people to think badly about him?

But throughout the story, he changes. First, he is disgusted when a bum appears in front of him and Andy. He is full of prejudices, thinks that all bums spend the money they get on alcohol and wants to tell the guy to leave them alone. When Andy decides to buy some food for him, Tommy even thinks about splitting. He isn‘t very happy about having to pay for his food**, either**. But after some time spent with the man, he starts to think about him and his situation and feels really glad about having a loving family. He begins to talk to the bum and dares to look at him. After Andy gave a big tip to a waitress who really wasn't friendly with them, he thinks about her working hard, too.

In my opinion, Tommy first is a very negative character, but throughout the story he improves. In the end, he understands something very important - that there are people outside???, who have a harder life than he has and that he can help them. Symbolically, he throws a dollar bill out of the window for someone who really needs it to find it.

  • Bei den Konjunktionen solltest du variieren, nicht immer and verwenden. and bitte auch nicht als Satzanfang verwenden.
  • In der Schriftsprache sollten keine Kurzformen (it’s, I’m usw.) verwendet werden.
  • Oft erkennt man nicht, wer mit he gemeint ist.
  • Zum Teil sind deine Sätze zu lang und enthalten ein and nach dem anderen.

zur Verbesserung des Stils:

Sätze verbindet man stilistisch 'elegant':

• mit Relativpronomen, also durch die Bildung von Relativsätzen

z.B.: which = welcher, -e, -es (für Dinge, Tiere); who = welcher, -e, -es (für Personen)

• oder durch Konjunktionen (conjunctions) wie z.B.:

after = nach; although = obwohl; and = und; because = weil; both .... and = sowohl als auch; but= aber; either .... or = entweder oder; even though = obwohl; however = jedoch; if = wenn, falls; in order to = um zu; neither .... nor = weder noch; nevertheless = dennoch, trotzdem; not only .... but as well/but also = nicht nur, sondern auch; or = oder; since = da ja, weil; so = deshalb; so that - so dass; that = welcher, -e, -es (für Dinge, Tiere, Personen); that's why = deshalb; though = obwohl; to = um zu; when = als; whereas = wohingegen; while = während;

Weitere finden sich unter den folgenden Links:

eslflow.com/transitionalconnectingandlinkingwords.html

english-at-home.com (dahinter müsstest du noch /grammar/linking-words/ eingeben)

englisches Fernsehen schauen

englisches Radio hören (BBC im Internet,mit Podcasts Download)

englische Bücher, Zeitungen, Zeitschriften und Comics lesen.

• DVDs auch mal auf Englisch schauen (v.a. wenn man den Lieblingsfilm auf Deutsch eh schon in + auswendig kennt.)

• sich einen von Muttersprachlern geleiteten Konversationskurs (Z.B. VHS) o. einen Englisch-Stammtisch, bei dem Muttersprachler mitmachen, in Wohnortnähe suchen.

:-) AstridDerPu

danke, war mir schonmal eine große hilfe :)

0

Ist meine Englisch Kapitelzusammenfassung The Pigman in Ordnung?

                           Summary: The Pigman
                                Chapter 7

John relates that he and Lorraine ran into Dennis and Norton on their way to Mr. Pignati's after school, and that, to avoid telling Dennis and Norton where they were going, they ended up drinking beer with them at Masterson's tomb, a secluded part of the local cemetery. At dinner, John argues with his father about his career goal of becoming an actor. John's father calls him a "jackass," and repeatedly tells John that he should work with him. John's father "has a seat on the Coffee Exchange," which means that he has a stressful job buying and selling large amounts of coffee on the world market. John and his father have an argument about John's desire to "be individualistic," and his lack of interest in a business career. When John and Lorraine finally get to Mr. Pignati's, it is evening, and John is struck by how happy he is to see them. John's parents, he reflects, have never been glad to see him. Mr. Pignati invites them to explore the house and make themselves at home. Lorraine finds a picture of a young girl in a confirmation dress, and Mr. Pignati tells them that it's a picture of his wife, Conchetta. Later, John finds a bill for Conchetta Pignati's funeral.

...zur Frage

Kann mir jemand dieses summary von "A message from the Pig-man" korrigieren?

habe eine summary zum text a message from the pig-man von john wain geschrieben, wäre nett wenn ihr eure meinung dazu äußern würdet und ggf fehler verbessern könntet oder zumindest sagen, wo sie sind :)

The story „A Message from the Pig-man“, written by John Wain, is about a 6-year old boy named Eric, which has many questions he would like to ask but is afraid to do so.

Eric is the son of newly divorced parents. He has no siblings and his mum has a new boyfriend named Donald. He has difficulty with the new circumstances and does not understand why his father had to leave just because Donald moved in. He also does‘nt mind sharing his room in order for his dad to have the spare room. He is afraid of the pig-man and avoids him. He imagines the pig-man as a man who looks like a pig. One day, his mother asks him to catch the pig-man to bring him the scarps. First he was afraid, but when he sees the pig-man he realizes that the pig-man is a normal person and finally understands that the people call him pig-man, because he has some pigs that he looks after. Eric is no longer afraid of asking questions. When he comes home, he asks his mother why his father can‘t stay with them but his mother does‘nt answer him. Now he thinks that grown-ups are very silly and he hates them all.

...zur Frage

Kann mir wer diese englische Zusammenfassung korrigieren?

`The Absolutely True Diay of a part time Indian´ is the abridged adapted version from the novel by Sherman Alexie and is about an Indian Boy. who is going on a all-white-school In the first paragraph, Arnold is flirting with Penelope. She is telling him her dreams, but Arnold laughing at her. He is asking her, what she really want to do with her life. Then she´s telling him, her real dreams. She´s wanting to be a architect. Arnold doesn´t lauhging at her, because it´s his drem too.

In the second paragraph Arnold and Penelope are going with roger and his friends to a diner. He is ordering many things for Penelope and him. But he is sad, because he haven´t money. He is poor. As Arnold going to the toilett, he tells Roger that he has forget his wallet, but Arnold is lying. Roger is understanding and lending him the money. At the school Penelope telling him, that she´s knwoing that he has lending money from roger. She´s asking him, whether he is poor and he didn´t lying to her. Penelope telling it roger and he helping him in the future. Now Arnold knowing that he doesn´t need to lie.

Danke schonmal im vorraus,

Mylania

Ps: Die Aufgabe war ein Text zusammenzufassen und das in der Jetzt Form

...zur Frage

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