Englisch Aufsatz Hilfe (korrigiert)?

1 Antwort

Das ist nur mal grob. Ich würde mich nochmal hinsetzten und drüberarbeiten, weil es teilweise sehr zusammenhangslos ist und du vollkommen in Themen herumspringst. Du müsstest von einem Thema in ein nächstes gehen mit einem Übergang!

In my text I want to write about the topic "I cannot live without my
mobile phone". I am going to show the advantages and disadvantages of
technical devices in my daily life. First let me say that technical
devices are really important for me. I need them for information and
they facilitate my everyday life. My computer is an important tool for
It helps me with my homework and replaces my books. I also can look up
everything very easily. I use the PC very litte for games because I
know that PC games can make addictive, depressed and aggressive. If
I'm too long in front of the PC, I neglect my friends.

My mobile phone is also very important for me. With the mobile phone I can
get medical help quickly. I also need my smartphone because I can
always stay in contact with my family or my friends. The radiation from
your smartphones is dangerous, this can cause cancer. The privacy and the
data protection are disclosed with this technique. Via Whatsapp I can exchange texts with friends.
When I'm sick, Iam get told what I missed at school. My hobby is
photography. With my new camera, I can take a lot of pictures in
succession and record videos in high quality. I also love listen to
music on my MP3 player. Headphones can damage my ears and lead to
hearing loss.

On the one hand, I am happy that I can go to school by car
or bus. But on the other hand, the exhaust gases pollute the air. I
love to cook, so my kitchen appliances are very important. The vacuum
cleaner is also important for me. It facilitates my work. I am glad that
there are technical devices that heat up the water and heat my room. I
like to watch movies on TV. It would be better if I could read in this
time or do sports. I do not want to live without technical devices.

Was möchtest Du wissen?