Was könnte ich bei dieser Charakterisierung verbessern?
The short story "The Big Race" by Toby Sweet is about a swimmer who feels pity for his opponent and lets him win. This characterization is about the narrator of the story. This boy is a fast swimmer and has to swim two lengths backstroke at Chester-le-Street, on that day. One of his opponents is Gordon Hayes. Before the race, the narrator notices Gordon talking with his father. He is very sceptical and feels that something wrong is going on. Out of curiosity he asks Gordon what the matter is. He gets the answer that Gordon's father will hit his son, if he doesn't win the race. After that, while he is warming up and planning his strategy, the narrator always has to think about that. He is worried and can't concentrate. During the race the boy decides to let Gordon win, because he wants to protect him from his father and feels sorry about that. His behavior is very generous, because he doesn't think about himself in this situation. Probably the shoutig of Mr. Hayes motivates him to do that. Also Gordon has been only a half of a body behind him. Maybe the narrator has thought that Gordon can manage it. At first the boy regrets that he only has come in second. He has doubts about his decision. Maybe the second place isn't enough for him. But he isn't the typical natural winner, because he doesn't have a problem to lose under the existing conditions. He is pleased to see that Gordons father is smiling and knows it has been worth it. He is sure that his decision is right!
- Komma entfernen hinter Chester-le-Street
- The mentioned boy is … (klingt besser als 2x this hintereinander)
- 3x Kommas entfernen vor because
- shouting statt shoutig
- At first, … (Komma setzen)
- …, but he isn’t (mit dem anderen Satz verbinden)
- Gordon’s father (Apostroph setzen)
"The Big Race" ( , ) by ...... ( , )
The characterization...... > geht es i.d. Geschichte UM den Erzähler ??
...doesn`t win the race ( ;) after that......
...he is warming up ( , ) planning ......
During the race ( , )
Also Gordon......behind him= ??? was willst du wirklich sagen? -- Satz ist inkorrekt
99% der Fälle= Never end a sentence with a preposition!!!
....he only has come >> never divide the verb ......besides, you need to use PP =came in second
Maybe the second.......for him >> inkompletter Satz (kannst ihn z.B mit " , he thought"
Maybe= using a word often is quite annoying -- especialy at the beginning of a sentence
At first / But / etc = siehe "maybe" >> denk immer daran dass English eine S V O - Sprache ist ( subject + Verb + Object)>> halte dich daran, es sei denn Du möchtest poetisch wirken, was mit dem wenigen Vokabular nicht gut zusammen passt.
.....Gordon`s father......................and knows THAT it has been worth it (hier ist zwar auch eine Präpostion am Ende, aber in diesem Ausnahmefall ist es erlaubt)
Alles in allem, nicht schlecht! Lerne mehr neue Wörter, so daß Du ausweichen kannst, und nicht zu oft die gleichen benutz - es macht einen viel besseren Eindruck. Und lerne die Zeichensetzung, die weitaus einfacher ist als die deutsche.