Wie findet ihr den About me Text?

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Hello my name is Musterman and I want to tell you something about me. I'm 14 years old. I was born on the twenty third of July 2001. I can speak German, Turkish, French and English. I live together with my mum, my aunt and my little brother. My mothers name is Musterfrau. She works as a beautician. My aunt, Musterfrau, works as a hairdresser. She owns her own hairdressing salon. My little brother is ten years old. He goes to the Thiebaubtschool. He is in fourth grade. This is his last year on the primary school . My family members have different hobbies. My little brother loves biking and playing football. My mother likes to read books. My aunt is a big fan of music and often listens to it. I'm a student at a ninth grade class at the Schillerschool. My Family and I live in a flat in Ettlingen. The flat has three rooms. I share my room with my little brother. We have a Balconyand we live near a footballpitch. I'm very happy about this because so i always can practice my favorite activity, playing football. My other hobbies are playing Basketball, going to the gym, an playing computer games. I can also play drums and I am fond of reading fantasy and horror books. My favorite books are The Hunger games, Fear Street and Harry Potter. My favorite movie is Forrest Gump. Joanne K. Rowling is my favorite author, because she writes great books and never gives up. She always says: Poor or rich, everybody has a chance!" Joanne was born in Yate. She studied French in the University of Exter. Later she worked as a Teacher in Wales. She doesn't earned much money. Then she had an idea, it was the book Harry Potter. She became famous and now is one of the richest women in the world. Her story is very inspiring for me. My favorite color is yellow, in my opinion it's  wonderful and luminous. I love to listen to good music, for example Justin Bieber or Selena Gomez. If i were a millionaire, I would donate my money to poor people. I would travel to them and give them a laugh. Sadly I don't have a pet. I would like to own a dog but my mother says nobody would care about him. My favorite food is pizza. It just tastes good. My dream job is to be a policeman. I like adventurous jobs without boredom.


So müsste es ganz gut sein ^-^'

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Hello

my (RS) name is Musterman and I want to (besser: would like to) tell you something about me (Wortart). I'm 14 years old. I was born on the twenty-third of July 2001 (So spricht man. Man schreibt on 23rd July 2001). I can
speak German, Turkish, French and English. I live together with my mum,
my aunt and my little brother. My mothers (Grammatik, RS) name is Musterfrau. She works as a beautician. My aunt, Musterfrau, works as a hairdresser. She owns
her own hairdressing salon. My little brother is ten years old. He goes
to the Thiebaubtschool (RS). He is in fourth grade. This is his last year on (Präposition) (---) primary school . My family members have different hobbies. My little
brother loves biking and playing football. My mother likes to read
books. My aunt is a big fan of music and often listens to it. I'm a
student at (Präposition) a ninth grade class at the Schillerschool (RS). My Family (RS) and I live in a flat in Ettlingen. The flat has three rooms. I share my room
with my little brother. We have a Balcony (RS) and we live near a
footballpitch (RS). I'm very happy about this because so (Wort) i (RS) always (Position) can practice my favorite (= AE; BE = favourite) activity, playing football. My other hobbies are playing Basketball (RS), going to the gym, an (RS) playing computer games. I can also play (Hier fehlt der bestimmte Artikel.) drums and I am fond of reading fantasy and horror books. My favorite (s.o.) books are The Hunger games, Fear Street and Harry Potter. My favorite (s.o.) movie is Forrest Gump. Joanne K. Rowling is my favorite (s.o.) author (kein Komma) because she writes great books and never gives up. She always says: (Hier fehlen quotation marks)
Poor or rich, everybody has a chance!" Joanne was born in Yate. She
studied French in (Präposition) the University of Exter. Later (Komma) she worked as a Teacher (RS) in Wales. She doesn't earned (Grammatik; Zeit) much money. Then she had an idea, it was the book Harry Potter. She became famous and now is one of the richest women in the world. Her story is very inspiring for me. My favorite (s.o.)
color (= AE; BE = colour) is yellow because its (Grammatik; RS) a wonderful and luminous (Ich bevorzuge: bright) colour. I love listen (Grammatik) to good music. I like listen (Grammatik) to Justin Bieber and Selena G. If i (RS) were a millionaire, I would donate my money to poor people. I would travel to them and give them a laugh.  (Formulierung) Sadly (Wort; Komma) I don't have a pet. I would
like to own a dog (Komma) but my mother says nobody would care about (Präposition) him (Grammatik; Pronomen). My favorite (s.o.) food is pizza. It just tastes good. My dream job is to be a policeman. I like adventurous jobs without boredom.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com, für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!.

AstridDerPu

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Kommentar von keerem
27.01.2016, 21:20

Vielen Dank!!!!

0

I was born at the twenty third of july in 2001.

I'm able to speak German..

This is  his last year at elementary school

The members of my family have different hobbies

Im a student at Schillerschool

My hobbies are.... going to the gym and playing computergames (achte drauf bei einer Zeitform zu bleiben)

Joanne K. Rowling

one of the richest women worldwide

I would travel to their countries and give them a laught

I don't have any pets.

I would like to have a dog but my mother says that we would not care enough for it.

I like adventurous jobs

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I would like a dog but my mother...

---> I'd love/like to have a dog but...

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Kommentar von keerem
27.01.2016, 19:59

Ist das sonst ok so?

1

ich bin frisch 13 geworden und ich habe diesen text verstanden alles

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