Wer kann mir meinen Englischen Text verbessern?

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6 Antworten

A lot of people want to buy very cheap meat. Thats (RS) only possible
with industrial livestock farming because that’s the cheapest way. First
of all, I think that everyone have (Normalerweise braucht es hier ein Singular-Verb (has). Hier kann man aber den Gruppenplural einsetzen = jeder einzelne von uns.) to choose between a cheap price and (---)
good animal-life. In (Präposition) my point of view is (---) industrial livestock farming very bad for (---) animals (Word Order). For example, one chicken has an area (---) the size of a DIN A4 page.

In freedom, chicken like to eat insects. In (---) industrial livestock farming there (Wort, Grammatik) have to eat industry food (Wort). - (Diese beiden Sätze solltest du durch eine Konjunktion miteinander verbinden.)

For us (Komma) it is not very well (Wort) because in the food (Hier fehlt ein Wort.) arent (RS) very much vitamins (Grammatik, Ausdruck, Word Order). After all, many chicken get medicine like antibiotic (Grammatik).
Antibiotic is (Grammatik) only for ill people. When healthy people take antibiotic (s.o.), they (Wer, die Leute oder die Antibiotika?) can be get (Grammatik) very bad effects (Subjekt-Verb-Bezug), .

Finally, I`m definite (Grammatik) against industrial livestock farming, but I think that we aren’t live (Grammatik) without that (Wort). It would be great when (Wort) farm animals get (Grammatik) some elementary thinks (Wortart) like fresh food or thinks (Wortart) to play (Hier fehlt eine Präposition). In my opinion (Komma) meat have (Grammatik) to be more expensive. Than (Wort) would more people think of (Präposition) it. - (Word Order) - (Die letzten beiden Sätze solltest du miteinander verbinden.)

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

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Kommentar von AstridDerPu
22.05.2016, 22:32

Schön, dass dir meine Antwort gefallen hat und danke für das Sternchen!

AstridDerPu

0

Ein paar Bemerkungen ... (teilweise überschneiden sie mit denen von candypinta)

2. Satz: That's (nicht "Thats ..."). Oder ausschreiben: That is ...

Man braucht kein "the/that" vor "industrial farming".

In my point of view, __ industrial livestock farming is very bad for the animals.

In __industrial livestock farming, THEY have to eat industry food.

Man verwendet "antibiotics" im Mehrzahl. (Kommt ein paar Mal vor.)

Antibiotics are only for ill people.

side-effects oder side effect (siehe andere Bemerkung von candypinta)

For us, it is not very good ... (nicht "well")

aren't statt "arent" an der einen Stelle

Letzter Satz: "Then more people would think of it." (Auch Satzstellung ändern)

LG

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A lot of people want to buy very cheap meat. Thats only possible with industrial livestock farming because that’s the cheapest way. First of all, I think that everyone has to choose between a cheap price and a good animal-life. From my point of view the industrial livestock farming is very bad for the animals. For example, one chicken has as much space as an A4 piece of paper. In the nature, chickens like to eat insects. In the industrial livestock farming they have to eat industry food. For us it's not very good because in their food there aren't many vitamins. After all, lots of chickens get medicine like antibiotics. Antibiotics are only for ill people. When healthy people take antibiotics, they can get sick. I'm definitely against industrial livestock farming, but I think that we can't  live without it . It would be great when farm animals get some elementary things like fresh food or things to play. In my opinion, meat has to be more expensive. Then more people would think about it


Ich hab alles verbessert aber willst du am ende sagen wir können oder wir können nicht ohne es leben?


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I think that everyone HAS to choose

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Die Dinge die mir ins Auge gestochen sind:

I think that everyone HAS to choose between a cheap price and a good animal-life.

In my point of view the industrial livestock farming is very bad for the animals.

In the industrial livestock farming THEY have to eat industry food.

After all, many chickenS get medicine like antibiotic.

It can have bad sideeffects when healthy people take antibiotic.

we are not able to live without that.

meat HAS to be more expensive

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FROM my point of view THE industrial livestock farming IS very bad for the animals.

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