Frage von ProModdy, 17

Was kann man an diesem englischen Text verbessern?

Ich muss eine Präsentation auf Englisch zusammenfassen. Das ist nur der Anfang:

Our presentation, with ‘educational policy’ as the subject area, is about the comparison of the school systems in Germany and the United Kingdom. In our structuring, we are introducing our subtopics which we dealt with. On the basis of our central question ‘Which of both school systems is more successful?’ we try to reach a conclusion. We mention points which constitute a ‘successful school system’, for instance the results of PISA studies. By means of these we will perform the comparison in the further course. But initially, we describe the general structure of both school systems. For that, we take a look at the school stages and the compulsory school attendance, after that at the ‘key stages’ which correspond to the German school stages, as well as the compulsory education in the United Kingdom. In contrast to Germany it’s allowed to educate your children at home, so there is no strict compulsory school attendance. Therefore, we have a slide regarding ‘home education’. Every country in the United Kingdom has its own Departments of Education so there are slight differences which we explain shortly. In addition, we deal with the history of ‘public schools’ in England, because they still play an important role nowadays.

Was kann man noch verbessern? Danke im Voraus.

Hilfreichste Antwort - ausgezeichnet vom Fragesteller
von fortuneteller, 6

as the subject area...as the main subject

we are introducing our subtopics which we dealt with --- simple present  which muss weg

to educate your children at home...the children

Every country in the Un...EACH part

we deal with the history...we will inform about

insgesamt etwas sehr hochgestochen formuliert...

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Sprache, 6

Man kann so ziemlich alles verbessern. Die meisten Sätze sind viel zu kompliziert, verschachtelt und deutsch ausgedrückt. Dadurch ergeben sich zwangsläufig Bezugs-, Wort- und Grammatikfehler.

Außerdem wird der Text dadurch für die Zuhörer schwer verständlich.

Weniger ist manchmal einfach mehr!

:-) AstridDerPu

Kommentar von ProModdy ,

Darum frage ich ja...

Keine passende Antwort gefunden?

Fragen Sie die Community