Frage von taniavenue, 27

Verbesserung eines Texts(Englisch)?

Es wäre total nett von euch, wenn ihr meinen Text durchlesen und Fehler verbessern könntet. Schon jetzt ein herzliches Danke an alle Antworten. Die beste Antwort bekommt den Stern. LG Taniavenue

Martin Luther Kings dream was, that there is a world, in which the colour of skin is unimportant and everybody, with regardless of ancestry is equally. People with another colour of skin even more offen treated worse as white People. In the USA lives more white People as blacks. They earn more money as People with another colour of skin ans thus are with another ancestry, those, which are poorer by almost third per cent as white People. 6% of white students left school with a High-School diploma, but the number of black students was 10%. In the end more white People completed school at all. In the year of 1991, Rodney King, was beaten by police officiers, without a reason. Other make a Video. Later, you can saw it on TV. The police man was aressted but in the jury were more white people and so he became no punishment . This is an example that black People still often treated unfairly. Barack Obama is a good example for changed. He is the first black man in this position. There is a different between the acceptence of black People in sports. 73% of NBA- players were black People but in baseball were only 9% of black People. In music are black People again more accepted. On October 2003, for the first time in the Billlboard Music Charts all Top Ten songs in the US were by black artists. All these examples shows, that Martin Luther Kings dream in many ways has come true, but not in all.

Hilfreichste Antwort - ausgezeichnet vom Fragesteller
von ImUnknown, 11

Martin Luther King's dream was a world, in which the colour of skin is unimportant and everybody, regardless of ancestry,
is equal. People with a different skincolour are often treated
worse than white People. More white People than black people live in the USA. They earn more money than people who have a different skincolour and thus have a different ancestry. They are poorer than white people by almost three per cent. 6% of white students left school with a High-School diploma, while the amount of black students was 10%. Overall, more white
People completed school. In the year of 1991, Rodney King was beaten by police officiers without a reason. Others made a video of that. Later, you could see it on TV. The policeman was aressted but in the jury, there were more white people and so he wasn't punished. This is an example that black people are still often treated unfairly. Barack Obama is a good example for change. He is the first black man in this position (Position hast du nicht genannt!). There is a difference between the acceptence of black people in sports. 73% of NBA- players were black people but in baseball, only 9% were black People. In music, black people are more accepted. In October 2003, all Top Ten songs in the US Billlboard Music Charts were by black artists for the first time. All these examples show, that Martin Luther King's dream has come true in many ways, but not in all.

Ich schließe nicht aus, dass ich was übersehen habe, aber so ist es zumindest schonmal besser.




Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 11


Martin Luther Kings (Grammatik) dream was (kein Komma) that there is (Grammatik) a world (kein Komma) in which the colour of skin is (Grammatik) unimportant and everybody (---) regardless of ancestry is (Grammatik) equally (Wortart). People with another (Wort) colour of skin even more offen (RS) treated (Grammatik) worse as (Wort, Grammatik) white People (RS) . In the USA (Hier fehlt etwas.) lives (Grammatik) more white People (RS) as (Wort, Grammatik) blacks (Wort, Grammatik) . They earn more money as (s.o.) People (RS) with another (s.o.) colour of skin ans thus are with another ancestry, those, which are poorer by almost third per cent as white People. (Der Satz ergibt keinen Sinn.)

6% of white students left school with a High-School diploma, but the number of black students was 10%. In the end (Komma)more(Mehr als wer oder was?) white People(RS) completed school at all. In (---) 1991, Rodney King, was beaten by police officiers (kein Komma) without a reason. Other make a Video(Das ergibt keinen Sinn.) . Later (Hier fehlt etwas) , you can saw(Wort, Grammatik) it on TV. The police man(RS) was aressted(RS) but in the jury (Hier fehlt etwas.) were more(Mehr als wer oder was?) white people and so he became (Verb)no punishment(Ausdruck) . This is an example that(Ausdruck) black People(RS)still often treated (Grammatik)unfairly (Wortart) - (Satzstellung) . Barack Obama is a good example for changed(Wort). He is the first black man in this position (In welcher Position?). There is a different(Wortart) between the(Ausdruck)acceptence(RS) of black People(RS) in sports. 73% of (Hier fehlt etwas.) NBA- players were black People(RS) but in baseball (Hier fehlt etwas.) were only 9% of black People(RS). In music (Komma, hier fehlt etwas)are black People (RS)again (Wort)more accepted - (Der Satz muss neu formuliert werden.). On(Präposition) October 2003, for the first time in the Billlboard Music Charts all Top Ten songs in the US were by black artists. - (Satzstellung) All these examples shows(Grammatik, kein Komma) that Martin Luther Kings(s.o.) dream in many ways has come true(Word Order), but not in all.


Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.



Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,



für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!



:-) AstridDerPu



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