Frage von guevara53, 35

Rückmeldung zu geschriebenem Englischtext, als Übung für den TOEFL?

Guten Abend, ich plane in drei Wochen den TOEFL-Test abzulegen (fuer ein Auslandsstudium). Mit dem Reading und Listening - Teil hatte ich bis jetzt keine großen Probleme. Habe Englisch jedoch länger nicht mehr schriftlich in der Schule und glaube es wäre daher hilfreich, mal eine Meinung zu einem geschriebenen Text zu hören. Ich habe dafür eine Aufgabe für den Integrated Writing Task rausgesucht (http://www.strictlyenglishusa.com/free-exercises/writing-exercises/integrated-es...). Gefordert war eine Zusammenfassung in 20 Minuten zu schreiben. Würde mich sehr freuen, wenn jemand eine kurze Rückmeldung zu meinem angefügten Text geben könnte (was zählt sind"Development (of ideas)", "Organization (structure etc.)" und "Language use (Grammatik, Rechtsschreibung)"). Vielen Dank im Voraus :).

Both the passage and the lecture deal with the problem of the supply of drugs for people suffering AIDS. As the disease occurs above all in poor countries, people there have a problem to purchase the expensive medicine. The text presents organisatzions fighting against this, namely AIDS Advocacy Groups (AGGs). Basically they do this on three different ways. First is the accusing of big companies of the pharmacy industry that allegedly sell the drugs for too much money, regardless of the - possibly fatally -consequences for the humans. Secondly they demand that governments buy the medicine in big amounts distributing it to the sick people. Moreover AGGs mention that the production in the poor countries - although it's illegal - would better the situation. The professor in the lecture however refutes the ideas of the AGGs listed in the passage. According to him it is inevitable for big companies to make profit. And consequently big profits also means big investment and as a result new development in medical research - and that is certainly helping people infected with AIDS on a long view. Regarding to the second aspect of the text the lecturor says that governments in countries are usally poor as the people are. That is why the purchase of AIDS drugs in a high number for big parts of the population is an economical problem. Finally he focusses on the suggestion of illegal copies of drugs in the countries of interest. As he tells, this is not just an act of stealing, but also a danger to the patients health. The reason for this is that copies of AIDS drugs are often produced with wrong, cheaper chemicals. ?

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch & Sprache, 14

Both the passage and the lecture deal with the problem of the supply of (Formulierung) drugs for people suffering AIDS. As the disease occurs above all in poor countries, people there have a problem to purchase (Formulierung) the expensive medicine. The text presents organisatzions fighting against this (Stil), namely AIDS Advocacy Groups (AGGs). Basically (Komma) they do this on (Präposition) three different ways. First (Komma) is the accusing of (Formulierung) big companies of (Präposition) the pharmacy industry that allegedly (Formulierung) sell (Grammatik) the drugs for too much money, regardless of the - possibly fatally (Wortart) - consequences for the humans (Hier würde ich ein anderes Wort wählen.).

Secondly (Komma) they demand that governments buy the medicine in big amounts (Wort) distributing it to the sick people. Moreover (Komma) AGGs tmention (Wort) that (---) production in the poor countries - although it's illegal - would better (Ich würde hier ein anderes Wort wählen.) the situation. The professor in
the lecture
 (Word Order) however refutes the ideas of the AGGs listed in the passage (Ich würde hier ein anderes Wort wählen.).
According to him (Komma) it is inevitable for big companies to make profit. And
consequently big profits also means (Grammatik) big (Wort) investment and as a result new development in medical research - and that is certainly helping (Zeit) people infected with AIDS on (Präposition) a (bestimmter Artikel) long view. Regarding (---) the second aspect of the text (Komma) the lecturor (RS) says that governments in countries are usally (RS) poor as the people (---) (Ausdruck, as ... as). That is why the purchase of (Formulierung) AIDS drugs in a high number (Formulierung) for big parts of the population is an economical problem.

Finally (Komma) he focusses on the suggestion of illegal copies of drugs in the countries of interest (Ausdruck) . As he tells (Formulierung) , this is not just an act of stealing, but also a danger to the patients (Grammatik) health. The reason for this is that copies of AIDS drugs are often produced with wrong, cheaper chemicals.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com, für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!.

:-) AstridDerPu

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