Frage von rejes, 63

Mittwoch prüfung, kann mir jemand bitte helfen?

Ich lerne gerade wie man englisch text schreibt, und leider kenne ich niemanden der/die gut ist in englisch.. Ich wollte fragen, ob ich es gut geschrieben habe? Wenn nicht, könntet ihr mir sagen was meine fehler sind? Damit ich es mir merke und makiere.. DANKE IM VORAUS. (: MFG. REJES.

I am the boy in this picture and my name is Jack. I am 22 years old. Yesterday I got a letter from my girlfriend Lisa, I was happy because she lives in Germany since 2014 and I live in London. I opened the letter and sat down. She wrote, that she missed me but she will be finish off our relationship because she is acquainted with Leon from her school. She loves him and he loves she too. She wrote, that she didn't have feelings. After I was finished to read the letter, I had to cry and I was very sad. I tought she loves me, so we wanted to marry each-other. I took my mobile phone and tried to reach them, but she didn't go to her mobilephone. Then I bought a airline ticket and flew to Germany. At 18 o'clock I was in Germany, I called a taxi and drove to her home. By the way I bought a ring and roses. When I was by her, I screamed her name, so that she comes out. Finally I took her by the hand and got down. I said "Lisa I love you very much, Will you marry me?" She smiled and said "Yes, I do!" We hugged each-other. After she said, that she wanted to test me and that Leon didn't exist.

Antwort
von Annnonymusss, 52

Es heisst: after I -had- finished nicht was

Antwort
von lupae, 24

I am the boy in this picture and my name is Jack. I am 22 years old. Yesterday, I got a letter from my girlfriend Lisa.

I was happy because she lives in Germany since 2014 and I live in London. I sat down and opened the letter.

She wrote that she missed me, but she will be finish off our relationship because she is acquainted with Leon from her school.
-> diesen Satz verstehe ich nicht ganz, willst du damit ausdrücken, dass Lisa Schluss macht, weil sie sich in Leon verliebt hat? Wenn ja, dann würde ich das so schreiben: Lisa wrote, that she missed me, but she wants to break up with me, because she met a guy called Leon from her school. (Oder so irgendwie)

She loves him and he loves her, too.

She wrote that she didn't have feelings. After I had finished reading the letter, I had to cry and I was very sad.

I tought she loved me, I thought we wanted to marry each other. I took my mobile phone and called her, but she didn't pick up. (Klingt besser, meiner Meinung nach)

Then I bought an airline ticket and flew to Germany.

At 6 p.m., I arrived in Germany.
I called a taxi and drove to her house.

I even bought her a ring and roses.

When I arrived, I screamed her name and she came out of her house.

Finally, I took her by the hand and got down on my knees.

I said "Lisa, I love you very much. Will you marry me?" She smiled and said "Yes, I do!" We hugged each other.

In the end, she told me that she just wanted to test me; Leon doesn't even exist.

Sooo, ich hoffe, dass gutefrage meine Formatierung nicht komplett ruiniert. Ich habe einiges umgeschrieben, weil es für mich nicht wirklich richtig klang, und habe einige Satzzeichen ausgebessert. Ich bin kein Profi, gehe selbst noch zur Schule, aber ich denke, dass es jetzt so ungefähr passen sollte. Ich hoffe ich konnte dir etwas weiterhelfen, bei Fragen schreib bitte einfach ein Kommentar unter meine Antwort :)

Antwort
von semidios, 18

Hier sind einige abschnitte oder sätze die ich anders formuliert habe kann dir aber nix garantieren und versprechen klingt für mich so einfach besser

Want to finish (the relationship)

He loves her

She wrote that she hasn't got feelings for me (sonst weiss man nich für wen sie angeblich keine gefühle hat)

After i was finished with reading the letter i cried and was extremly sad

I tought she loves me too and that we will marry each other someday

And tried to reach her but she didn't took off

I arrived in Germany at..(klingt besser von der satzstellung her)

When I was at her home I screamed her name until she came out of the house

Finally I took her hand and got down on one knee

Afterwards she explained me that Leon doesn't even exist and she just wanted to test me

Keine ahnung ob alles korrekt ist hoffe ich konnte helfen viel Glück könnte paar flüchtigkeits fehler bei der rechtschreibung haben

Antwort
von LaBruh, 6

-Yesterday, I got a letter from my girlfriend Lisa. I was happy...
-She wrote, that she missed me but she wanted to break up with me because she fell in love with a boy named Leon from her school.
-He loves her too.
-She wrote, that she doesn´t have feelings for me anymore.
-After I had finished the letter, I was so sad that I had to cry a lot.
-I took my mobile phone and tried to call her, but she didn´t answer the phone.
-Then I bought an airline ticket and flew to Germany, where I arrived at 6pm.
-After my arrival I called a taxi and told the driver where he had to drop me off.
-By the way: I bought a ring and roses for Lisa.
-As the taxi driver dropped me off at Lisa´s home, I screamed her name from the street so she had to come outside to me.
-After she came outside to me, I took her hand and got down on one knee.
-I gave her the roses and said: "Lisa, I love you very much. Will you marry me?"
-Then I showed her the ring I bought for her and she said "Yes, I will!" smiling.
-We hugged each other for a long time, we were both so happy.
-Finally she said that she wanted to test me and Leon had never existed.

Antwort
von berieger, 6

Very good I would give you an A-, But there are a few errors. To make your letter perfect  I would make the following changes: finished with/not finish off. She loves him and he loves her. tried to reach her/not them. an airline ticket not a airline ticket. On the way, not by the way. When I was at her place.... I screamed her name to make her come outside. I took her hand and sat down. Afterwards she said she wanted to test me.....

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