Frage von kadriye6464, 12

Könntet Ihr vielleicht eure eigene Meinung zu diesem Text geben?

                                             Same old love 

There she was sitting in the dark in her bedroom,small tears rolled down her cheeks. She blinked many times to stop them from spilling but it wasn’t working. When she closed her eyes, she saw his face and his eyes. Damn his eyes… İn the afternoon she was sitting on her couch and watching Netflix like every Sarurday. The ringing from her phone bringing her back to reality. On the display was written DEAN .She picked up. ‘‘Hey, love.“, Deans voice rang through the speakers. ‘‘Hey, babe. What’s up?“ ‘‘I wondered if we could maybe go out tonight?“ She thought for a second. ‘‘Yea, would you mind to pick me up?“ ‘‘Be ready at 8.“ And then he hung up. She immidently agreed, because arguing with him would be sensless.He’s such a dickhead. When she looked at her watch, she realized, that she only had one hour to get ready, so she got up and went to her bedroom. As she undressed herself, she looked at the mirror. The silver ring around her neck catching her attantion. HARRY was written in it. Her mind driftin off. I miss him so much, she thought, how is there no conection anymore between us? You got a boyfriend, you idiot. Stop thinking about him. She shook her head. Finally she got dressed and was ready. The door bell rung and she dopple checked her things. When she opened the door, she saw Dean leaning on the door frame, smirking down at her.‘‘Shall we?“, he asked, took her hand and lead her to the passenger seat. After a ten minute ride, they were standing infront of a club with the font OLD LOVE, wich was blinking in a bright pink. When they were in the club, Dean shouted over the loud music ‘‘Do you want a drink?“ Belle nodded. So now she was alone, sitting in a corner. The smell of sweat and alcohol running through her nose. Then something cought her eye. A pair of piercing green eyes. No, brain stop! You can’t just imagine him here. She thought. They looked directly into her hazel eyes. Suddenly he walked to the back exit from the club and then he was gone. She immidently stood up and ran after him, but a hard chest stopping her. ‘‘Where are you going sweetheart?“ Deans blue eyes looking down at her. She could smell the alcohol in his breath. ‘‘I don’t feel very well, so I am going to get some fresh air.“ He moved aside and she walked to the door. The cool air blowing against her lightly flushed cheeks. She wrapped her arms thighter around her jacket. Why isn't it warm for once in London? She looked around her eyes scanning the dark alley. A tall frame standing in the corner.''You fallowed me.'', a deep raspy voice said. A cloud of smoke coming from his lips. '' I did.'' '' Belle.'' '' Harry.'' ''Why are you here? I thought you were in L.A.'' '' It didn't workout very well.'' , the words coming a bit harsh. '' What are you up to?'', his once cheery voice, cold and dark. '' I..I am curently working in a office.'' '' Good for you. But you didn't change at all. The long brown hair or

Antwort
von Jerne79, 10

Pro: Du schaffst es, die Gedankenwelt deiner Protagonistin zu transportieren.

Contra: Es gibt besonders in der 2. Hälfte des Textes kaum noch genug Beschreibung der Umgebung, um vor dem inneren Auge des Lesers ein konkretes Bild entstehen zu lassen.

Zum Ende hin wird es dann schon richtig zusammenhanglos. In nur etwas mehr als einer Taschenbuchseite sind wir von der Couch auf eine düstere Straße verfrachtet worden.

Meine persönliche Meinung: Ich find´s einfach nicht spannend, die Protagonistin spricht mich nicht an.

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