Frage von UselessCow, 38

Könnte jemand mein prüfungs Text, fuer das Fach Englisch, anschauen und möglicherweise verbessern, falls es nötig ist?

Hallo, ich wollte fragen, ob jemand mein Englisch prüfungs Text anschauen könnte, da mein Englisch, meine ich, nicht dass beste ist.

Ich bin offen für Verbesserungen und dankbar für jede Hilfe.

Rechtschreibung ist nicht so wichtig, da es ja eine muendliche Prüfung ist.(wir sollten einen etwas witzigen Text schreiben, der nicht langweilig ist und auch nicht nur Sätze bilden wie I like.... I do.... I want...)

,,That´s me"

I´m Wiliam Wilhelm, a boy who´s 15 years old. Firstly I want to talk about my past. Once there were a mother, she got a child, this child would be once really rich and famous. He got a nice childhood and were pretty clever. But now let´s start about me. As I was 5 years oldmy family decided to move away into a other town this town is named Ludwigsburg, so I was going to leave my friends and my lovely town called Stuttgart. As we were in Ludwigsburg I got a new Kindergarden where I have to go. Most of the educators thought I get hit at homebecause I didn’t talk to them, so they wanted to put me into a therapy but my parents didn’twant to. The real reason for not talking was just that the educators had a voice like ravens I didn’t want to hear that voice once more. Years passed and I started my school carriere,oke just one year passed. My first school day I can still remember it were really good. I got ateacher who weren’t unfriendly and always helped me I liked her until she gave me homeworks I mean I loved homeworks but just homeworks like to go outside and play something don’t get me wrong but I mean I had more important things to do than write a w 20 times. Again years passed and I went to the 4th class. I still did not feel like I have to do Something for the school, so my marks going down until I reached the 7th class. That were the first time I did something for the school nothing special but at least something. in the next years nothing special happened I just got a dream I want to reach my abitur I don’t know if its possible to do but I just want to try. That was my past, now I want to go on to my hobbies, my character and also also my family. I´ll start with my character but to explain how my character is I´ll tell you a story. As I was a child I loved it to help otherpeople I wanted to change the world. Once there were 2 kids they argued I thought that’s the best moment to help them, to help the world to get a bit better. I said so much I said something I have never said before, something who would somebody hear it, he would say,its not possible that a child said it. But those kids didn’t even listen to me so I got my firstenemys . This story reflects my character and also my life. It tells you that I´m a really friendly person who want to change the world to a better place, it tells you that no one ever listen to me and it also tells you my dream job, Lawyer. In this kindergarden were also my brother called Christian, I got 2 more brothers called Valerie and Eduard both were at

Antwort
von Tantonius, 18

Also.....könntest vielleicht daran denken, nicht in den Zeiten umher zu springen und nicht zum Beispiel das Nomen im Singular und das Verb aber dann im Plural nehmen......ähm......also,auch ein Wiederholungsfehler war: "As"...also...Als ich 5 Jahre alt war.......

heißt dann: When I was five

und nicht :As I was five.

Ist ein wirklich netter und interessanter Aufsatz,aber.....du könntest vielleicht noch darauf achten,dass du nicht immer von einem Lebensabschnitt zum nächsten springst....und dann wieder zurück.......Das irritiert den Leser etwas.

Kommentar von UselessCow ,

Oke danke für die hilfe

Antwort
von UselessCow, 27

the

same school as I am. They also didn’t want to learn but
sometime they did and it were

worth now they have a job which isn’t normaly - in
this time I guess. At last I´d like to

tell you my appearance. Couldn’t I see myself in a
mirror or something like that, they would

probably say, that I´m pretty beautiful – I think.
They would say I have got blond hairs

green eyes and a body like a model. Because they are
too dumb to understand my question

right they also would say that I´m a lively person a
bit crazy and also funny. They would say

that my hobbies are reading books and playing computer
games. My favourite game is

,,League of Legends” in this game you have to destroy
the enemys nexus. I often was

Thinking about leaving the school to start my carrier
as a pro player, but then I remember

Im still bad at all. I hope I could bring you closer
to my personality.

Das habe ich vergessen.

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