Frage von lolanena, 27

KÖNNT IHR MIR BEIM VERBESSERN HELFEN?

hallo leute, morgen muss ich eine präsentation über eine soziale idee präsentieren... kann mich jemand auf meine fehler hinweisen? wäre lieb <3

Hi guys my name is xxx and let me introduce you my future organization.

in the news we see continually orphan children who would do everything for some love or affection from a mother or a father! these children do not know the most beautiful word: "parents". orphans children want a family that gives them a future. they live in the orphanage, because their parents did not want to take care of them or have even died.

But the orphanage in Mexico can not make it alone, because to entertain a family with 3,400 boys and girls is a big challenge. All their children have dreams and wishes that they can not always fulfill. But with our help the children have enough to eat, can develop, get a good education and can learn a trade.

We can help, for example by donations or sponsorships.
I'll tell you more details about donations: through a small donation can be fulfilled children wishes, all kids can eat and drink as much as they want and they can regularly visit the school or the doctor.

Now I'll tell you something about the sponsorships: By sponsoring we can support the children reliably and proud. We accompany a child on his way to a hopeful future and have a share in its performance and successes. As a sponsor you can give a child happiness and hope.

I think that this idea is very well because happy children are the most beautiful on this world. A kid laugh is priceless, and the feeling to have made someone happy is wonderful, isn`t it?

Your financial support is a big difference for our kids! So helf Mexico and show the world what can cause social assistance! I hope you like my social idea and reminds you: together we can reach hundreds of smiling!

Antwort
von sahracx, 8

Du hast ziemlich in der Mitte fast hintereinander "I'll tell you" benutzt, würde ich einmal weg lassen oder einmal ersetzen :)

Expertenantwort
von AstridDerPu, Community-Experte für Englisch, 2

Hi guys (Komma)

my RS) name is xxx and let me introduce you my future organization (Ausdruck).

in (RS) the news we see continually (Wort; Position) orphan children who would do everything for some love or affection from a mother or a father! these children do not know the most beautiful word: "parents". orphans
children (Ausdruck)
want a family that gives them a future. they live in the
orphanage (kein Komma) because their parents did not want to take care of them or have even died.

But the orphanage in Mexico can not (RS) make (Wort) it alone (kein Komma) because to entertain (= unterhalten, im Sinne von bespaßen, meintest du das?) a family with 3,400 boys and girls is a big challenge. All
their children have dreams and wishes that they can not (s.o.) always fulfill.
But with our help the children have enough to eat, can develop, get a
good education and can learn a trade.

We can help, for example by (Wort) donations or sponsorships.
I'll tell
you more details about donations: through a small donation can be
fulfilled children wishes (Word Order) ,
all kids can eat and drink as much as they want and they can regularly visit (Wort) (---) school or the doctor.

Now I'll tell you something about (---) sponsorships: By sponsoring we
can support the children reliably and proud. We accompany a child on his (= maskulin) way to a hopeful future and have a share in its performance and successes. As a sponsor you can give a child happiness and hope.

I think that this idea is very well because happy children are the
most beautiful on this world. A kid laugh (Grammatik) is priceless, and the feeling to have made someone happy is wonderful, isn`t it?

Your financial support is a big difference for our kids! So helf (RS)
Mexico and show the world what can cause social assistance (Ausdruck; Word Order!  I hope you like my social idea and reminds (Wort) you (Sinn???): together we can reach hundreds of smiling (Wort)!

- Am Satzanfang schreibt man auch im Englischen immer groß.

Das Fettgedruckte muss korrigiert werden. Ich hoffe, ich habe nichts übersehen, denn ich habe den Text nur überfolgen, weil er mir nach einem anstrengenden Arbeitstag zu lang ist.

Für das Vokabular und die Rechtschreibung empfehle ich ein gutes (online) Wörterbuch, z.B. pons.com,

für die Grammatik ego4u.de und englisch-hilfen.de - und Finger weg vom Google Übelsetzer und seinen tr.tteligen Kollegen!

:-) AstridDerPu

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